Slowly but surely

I'm getting back into the hang of things. I just did a 30 minute run. It wasn't great but I did it. I've got to get used to running during the day and I have to find a good visor. The sun was killing me every time I had to head west. I'm running on the dam so it is long and straight and flat. That is both good and bad. It can get a little boring but that's ok. I think I might see if either of my oldest nephews wants to do my 9 mile run with me on Saturday, haha. The long ones are going to be the hardest.

I'm trying not to completely freak out. We are so close to the Tinkerbell and I feel so unprepared. I admit I have slacked off more than I should since Mac left but I am trying to really give it my all during this last month. There are a lot of things about that trip that I am nervous about but hopefully everything goes smoothly.

I'm still trying to figure out how to do it here. The food is going to be my biggest hurdle because I am not the one buying and preparing it. I know I can do that sometimes but I also know that I will probably get vetoed a lot too. Maybe I'll just have to make my own meals sometimes.

Here we go...

Renewed Determination

Sorry I still haven't been posting much. Things have been sort of boring so I haven't had much to say. I'm still trying to figure out my routine and what is working and what isn't. I hit a snag with the meal plan thing I was doing. We are trying to get it worked out but it doesn't really matter because next week I will be going home to Georgia and staying there for most of the next 2 1/2 months. I wasn't originally planning to stay that long but some things changed and it will be the best thing to do. There is no point in driving 18 hours each way more than is needed. I will come back a few days before I fly to California to catch my flight and then I will go back after until after the Princess.

I think in a lot of ways this time is going to help me. I have had a hard time finding a time and place to do my runs. I can't run at the same time I used to because it is too cold at night and I can't run in the same places during the day because of the traffic. Once I am in Georgia, there is a dam near my parents house and the road on it is one mile in a mostly straight line. It will be perfect for me to get in my runs there. I think it will also help me get out of the rut I have been in here. There will be some things I have to worry about there but I will do my best to make the right changed and maybe even help my parents along the way. But I really think a change of scenery will help me out a lot.

I'm going to use this time to refocus and make some big changes. I will weigh myself while I am there but I won't really know the real difference until I come back here and weigh on my own scale. I will take measurements before I leave and once I get back. I really want this time to help me set some new habits and find a new determination to get things done. I'm tired of seeing the same sad person in the mirror everyday. I want to be a new woman.

Back on track!

Ok, so it has been a while since I have posted, sorry! Things have been crazy ever since Mac left. He has now officially been gone for a month(Wow, that's hard to believe.) Between finding my new normal and being sick it's been hard. The last time I really ran was the 3 mile run the weekend after he left. I didn't do my 2 weekly runs and then I was sick as a dog the weekend that I was supposed to run 6 miles. Getting over the virus and and Thanksgiving made it hard to run the 2 weekly runs that week and then a head cold knocked me out that weekend. I felt horrible but I wasn't sure what to do. I knew my training plan had a 7 mile run on the schedule for the first weekend in Dec. but since it had been so long since I ran, I was scared. Plus I was going to be in Florida at Disney World that weekend.

I decided to try to get a long run in before I did too much walking at the parks. I arrived in FL on Wednesday night and my friend Rachel wasn't getting there until Friday night so Friday I decided to give it a shot. I wasn't sure how it would go but my goal was to get the distance in, even if i had to walk the last few miles of it. I took my vibrams with me on the trip. It has been a while since I ran in them but I decided to give it a shot. I knew if
I needed to I could run by the room and swap to my NB minimus. I decided to use the little running trail in front of the All-Star resorts(i stayed at AS Sports) since it was about a mile long and there weren't really any people on it. I decided to shorten my intervals since it had been a while and I had been having a little trouble with my run interval feeling too long at the end of each run.

Well, I did it. I ran every interval and and actually felt good after. As soon as I was done and sat down for a minute, my feet were killing me but I felt good on the run. It was also a little surreal running there. Knowing that I was running half of the distance I will be repeating there in a few months. I caught myself tearing up towards the end of my run because I felt like I can do it. Like if I had to do the half tomorrow, I could. It wouldn't be great but that I could finish. It gives me hope, which I need a lot of right now. The Tinkerbell is in less than 50 days now. I'm still nervous about it since my training is leading up to the princess not the Tink. The tink is listed on there and the day of the race would be a 12.5 mile run. The Tink isn't much longer than that I just worry about my time. I pray that I can actually do it fast enough. My pace on the 7 miles was better than I expected. It wasn't great but it was ok. I loved running in my vibrams again. I love those shoes so much, but I am still unsure that I will be able to run in them for the half because I just need the little extra cushion that the minimus offers but I know that once the weight is off, I will go back to my beloved VFF Bikilas for the majority of my runs.

I just feel like it is all sneaking up on me. Both races are right around the corner and I am no where near where I wanted to be physically. I'm hoping I can get things moving again. I have the motivation of being reunited with my husband in 9 months for R&R and wanting his jaw to hit the floor when he sees me. I really want things to be different next year when he comes home.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back on schedule. I have still had a few problems getting my short weekly runs in but I am trying to figure that out. It's a little hard figuring out how to run in the cold and what is the best time for me to do it. Tomorrow I will be doing my 3 mile run from this weekend.Now to just keep moving forward and do the best I can.

Sorry

I know I've been MIA. It's been hard around here lately with everything changing and me traveling for a week. I have a post I want to write but don't really have the time right this second. I will try to get it up soon.

Changes

I'm changing my routine and approach a little. Well, a lot actually. I just canceled my Weight Watchers membership. I still love the program and believe in the program and may even start back in a few months, but for right now, it is just a waste of money. I haven't been to meetings in a while and I am starting something different that I would rather put the money towards.

I mentioned the new program I signed up for last week. It is being run by a local running store and it is geared towards people that have 50lbs or more to lose. They have workouts 3 times a week and then a speaker once a week before the Saturday workout. The workouts include a lot of walking but also drills to help improve your walking and running. I think it is going to be a good addition to the Galloway plan. I am not going to be doing the Saturday workouts because I will be doing the long runs for the training program on those days but the drills on the other days should be great.

I also mentioned that as part of it, we get a discount from a local food service. I went in today for my consultation and I think it is  going to be great. They really work with you on helping you to learn what to eat, when to it and how to cook it yourself. I will start out getting most of my meals from them and then gradually start making some of ti on my own. I will probably continue to grab a few meals a week from there because it is so much easier than cooking for one. The girl I spoke with was really awesome and very committed to helping me reach my goals.

They are one of the main reasons I canceled my membership. While I am following their meal plan, I won't need to count my points. She already knows my daily points and is going to plan my meals accordingly. That is why I say I may rejoin. Once I am adding in my own stuff, I may need to track more but until then, I'm ok. I also don't want to deal with the weigh-ins for a while. I weigh myself at home every week. I don't need to have someone tell me that I'm doing something wrong when the numbers don't change. I have had to many times when the numbers stood still but my clothes fell off. I know that my measurements are going to tell me way more than the scale is most of the time so I am going to be tracking those more.

I'm excited. I'm a little nervous about it all but I really feel like this is going to be a great change.

Good run that would have been great but...

That describes tonight's 3 miles. It started out great and could have finished that way if I wasn't cursed by damn running shoes. Every time I get fitted and I try to find a shoe that proves me wrong, I am only proven right.

Tonight for the first 2 miles of my run I had a great average pace(for me, it is slow as hell for most people) and I was feeling good. Then the same old thing happened. I got a sharp pain in the bottom of my foot and I physically could not keep the same pace anymore. It happens every time I wear traditional running shoes. All this does is prove to me that I made the right decision when I switched to minimalist running shoes. I just wish the people at the running stores could understand that. Last week I went in to get a new pair of shoes as part of this new fitness program that I joined  that is being conducted by a local running store. I explained to the guy that I wear Vibrams or other minimalist shoes(New Balance Minimus - love them!)  and that I have never found a regular running shoe that doesn't hurt my feet. Instead of putting me in one of the minimalist shoes they carried he insisted that I needed a different style and that I should try something else. After trying on 5 different pairs, I found one that I thought I could live with. So tonight I tried them on my run. They made my great run end up just being a good run because during the last mile I could not do my run intervals because the pain was so bad. They seemed to be fine if I was just walking but I cannot run in them. I guess it just proves why I should be a barefoot runner. I never have any pain in my feet with my minimalist shoes. Oh well.

With the exception of the foot problem, I had a really good run tonight. I wasn't sure how I would do since this is the first time I have ran since Mac left. I was supposed to do two 30 minute runs this week but Tuesday night I had to take a friend to the ER and it was freezing ad midnight by the time I tried to run so I waited until Wednesday to try again but my body wasn't feeling it so I only did 10 minutes. Thursday, I just didn't do it because I missed my husband and I just didn't feel like it. Tonight was hard. I missed having him with me. I did really well but I broke down at the end because he wasn't there to give me a high five. I know that sounds dumb but it's the truth. I really haven't cried at all this week but now I am. I am sitting here with tears running down my face because I miss him so much. I know I am doing this all for me but I am also doing it for him. I was so proud of myself tonight and I know he would have been too and it makes me miss him that much more. Even though I miss him, I will keep moving forward so that I am a different woman the next time he sees me.

5 miles

So as per the Galloway training schedule, I did 5 miles tonight. I feel good. Better than I expected. They weren't great but my pace was better than I thought. The whole point was to finish them, and though I want to be faster by the race, if I end up at that same pace, I will more than likely finish if I have a good starting corral.

I also started something new this week. I want to talk about it more but I actually need to learn more about it first. Today was our first meeting and it was more of an orientation. Next week things will really kick off and I can better explain all of it. But as part of this program, I can purchase discounted food from a company that makes fresh refrigerated meals that are all natural and mostly gluten free. We were given coupons for free samples today and Mac and I went to pick some up. I was a little skeptical at first but they are DELICIOUS. I am really looking forward to trying more things from there and having a way to have good healthy meals while Mac is deployed, because cooking for one sucks.

And on that note. I am going to do my best to keep my training going but I can't guarantee many posts in the coming weeks. Things are about to get really tough and I always need some time to process before I can get back to normal so please bear with me. 

I am a Penguin

A while back I wrote the post Embrace your Pace. I received a comment on it about the penguin runners but had no idea what they were and didn't bother to look it up at the time. Part of me wishes I had but then another part is glad I didn't because I think finding them now was the best thing.

Back in September, I reposted a post I had written last year when I decided to do the 2011 Princess. In the post I talked about how a picture of a shirt with a quote was what really gave me the kick to make the decision. The quote was,

The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start. -John J. Bingham.

I think I may have passingly noticed that it had a little picture of a penguin by his name but I didn't really pay much attention to it.

Then, last month, I was scouring the internet looking for a shirt that a girl posted to an online group. I was using the expo vendors list for the wine and dine to check each website to see if I could figure out who had the shirt for her. One of the websites I looked at was One More Mile Running. While I was checking their site I noticed on the right side bar a picture of a penguin and the words penguin gear beneath it. I was intrigued so I opened it in a new tab and continued searching with intentions to go back and check it out later. Once I had given up on my search, I clicked the tab to check out what Penguin Gear was. As I read the little blurb at the top I was even more interested:

One More Mile partners with John "The Penguin" Bingham!
One More Mile and John Bingham have the same philosophy: that running is more about having fun and less about putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Now you can get Penguin gear from One More Mile! 

And then, when I clicked on the shirts, there it was, the shirt and quote that started it all. I had to know more so I clicked on the link for John Bingham's website.  As I read What is a Penguin? I knew I had found my place. As I read through "You might be a Penguin if... " I had to laugh because I knew the feeling all too well with the police car, the truck with the cones and the award ceremony. It felt good to find all of this. It reminded me that I am not alone in my fight. There are lots of people out there that aren't the best runners but still run. Just because I am slow, doesn't mean I am not a runner.

With all of this, I have wholeheartedly embraced that I AM A PENGUIN!! Mac and I visited Sea World recently and they had these awesome car decals of all the animals, one of course being a penguin. I plan to cut off the Sea World Logo and just put the penguin on the car with my turtle sticker. I'm sure at some point I will get a shirt or magnet from Penguin Gear. I've always loved penguins, so it almost feels fitting.

This of course leads me to something I alluded to in the last post. I have decided on my running costume for both races. Hehehe. I already have things in the works to transform this everyday runner into a real penguin runner.  You'll have to wait until after the Tinkerbell to see a pic of the fairy penguin but I am certain it will be well worth the wait. Then with a few small changes she will turn into a princes penguin for the Princess Half. I'm so incredibly EXCITED!!!

(It feels so good to be excited again.)

If anyone here is a member of Fitocracy and you feel you are a Penguin, feel free to join the Penguin Runners group I started.  If you are not a member of Fitocracy but would like to be, Click Here to use my invite code or give me your email address and I will send you an invite. Fitocracy is a fun way to track all of your activities and connect with others.

Excitement

I'm starting to get excited about the races again. I have been so overwhelmed and frustrated lately that it has been hard. I'm gaining a little more confidence and that has helped. I know one of the reasons is that I am trying to focus more on the fun parts of it all right now instead of thinking about my husbands deployment that starts WAY TOO SOON. I need things to focus on while he is gone so I don't waste too much time missing him and being said. Yes, I will miss him and, yes, I will be sad, but I also need to keep moving forward and reach the goals this deployment that I wanted to last time.

I have so much that I want to talk about but little focus to do it at the moment. I have decided on my costume for both races and I am SO EXCITED but I want to talk about my inspiration for the costume first so that will have to wait until I can get that one written.

It feels really good to be looking forward to all of this again instead of just dreading it. Nothing major has happened to change my outlook, I simply kept moving forward. I still have a long way to go but I am starting to see the possibilities of success instead of just inevitable failure.

Getting back into the swing of things.

That's what part of this week has been about. Trying to get back on track and back into a routine. It's been a little challenging because we aren't at home but we have found the time to get my runs in.

A while back I talked about starting the Princess training plan early enough to finish it for the Tinkerbell. Well, that didn't work, so I started it again in time to finish it for the Princess. I was a little worried at first since I have the Tink first but Galloway includes it in the plan so it works out fine. It also helps with something else I had been worrying about. I wasn't sure how to keep training between the two so this solves that problem as well. I've hit a few bumps in the road since I started the training plan but they have been minor and I have been getting it done. I was knocked off schedule this past weekend but I haven't let it get in the way too much.

Sometimes people are more important and that was the case this past Saturday. While I should have been out running 4 miles. I was sitting at a friend's house. She recently lost someone and her husband was deployed( he just arrived home yesterday for emergency leave.)  She just needed a friend so I took her food and we just sat and talked for a few hours. Sunday, Mac and I had to pack and leave for our trip. He actually did all of the packing because I had some business I had to take care of before we could leave. I had considered running once we arrived but it was so late that I put it off. I finally got my 4 miles in on Monday. It ended up going better than I expected which was nice. It means that I am a few days off schedule but not so much that I can't get back on.

Tonight we did my 30 minute run and I will do another on Friday. Then after we get home on Sunday I will do my 2 miles and then I can get back to the Tues, Thur, Sat schedule. I'm really trying to get back on track 100%. I know that I need to keep everything up but that is going to be hard during the coming weeks as I deal with my husband deploying. But I know that if I don't get it together now, it will be impossible to do it then. It's going to be hard once he leaves but I need running to be my constant while the rest of my world is turned upside down.

Still alive

I'm still alive and kicking, it has just been crazy around here lately. Mac and I just got back last night from our fun filled 2 day whirlwind trip to Disneyland. I will try to post a few things soon about recent goings on.

For now I will leave you with this. These were our costumes for Mickey's Halloween Party.

Honesty Time - There's a Reason It's Called a Battle

I have not been doing so hot lately. I have truly been on the verge of just giving up completely. I'm been frustrated and upset and just completely discouraged. I've been making excuses and trying to fake it but the reality is I just feel defeated. I haven't seen any real results in a while and I am just having a very hard time with it.

Part of the last two weeks I have been blaming on The company and party we had last weekend. That really did have an affect on everything but not for the reasons people think. It wasn't just because they were here and we were hanging out and having a good time. It was mostly because I was so down on myself that I really just let everything go. I love that they came, and I had a ton of fun with them and at the party. But I have been having a really hard time since the party. I have really just hidden from the world. Partly because I have been sick, but mostly because I have been ashamed. All of my friends that were here have been posting pictures of the party and they make me cringe. Everyone talks about how great I looked and how awesome my dress was and I think they are all just lying to me to make me feel better. I see those pictures and all I want to do is cry. How did I let myself get to this place. How did I let it get so bad that after losing almost 30 lbs I still look that horrible. It really just breaks my heart. My best friend from home was trying to tell me that I need to look past all of that and see the beautiful person that I am but I can't. I'm just not in a place where that is possible right now.

I am trying to fight back. I am trying to keep going. I ran tonight for the first time in 2 weeks. It was good, not great, but good. I'm restarting the Galloway program just in time to finish it at the Princess. The Tinkerbell will be one of my long runs. I'm really having to dig deeply to pull out the strength to keep moving forward because right now, all I really want to do is quit.

I've said several times that the only way I am going to be successful is to be completely honest and that is exactly what this post is.

I still want to write a recap post about the weekend and the party and I will, hopefully this weekend. I will even include a few pics. I will also post about the crazy trip my husband and I will be going on soon. It's our anniversary present to each other and I am so excited.

Until then, I wish you all the success in the world on your personal journey and an understanding that it is not always easy. 

Sorry

Sorry  it's been a little quite here lately. I have been running around trying to get things ready for the big anniversary party Mac and I had this past weekend. We had four of our closest friends come in for the weekend with the first arriving last Thursday. That means nothing has been normal here for the past few days, and I loved it. Unfortunately it also means I was not running or doing WW quite like I should. It is just so hard right now because I feel like there are more important things right now like spending time with my husband before he leaves. That is sneaking up on me and I am not at all happy about it.

I will try my best to post again soon but it may be completely unrelated to running or WW. I really want to write a recap of the crazy weekend we had so I will probably post that first and then get back into the swing of training and WW again.

So yeah, I just wanted to let everyone know that I am still here, I've just been distracted.

Changing Seasons

Warning, it's a long one but I feel it is a very important topic and a big piece of who I am. 

I can feel my emotions changing with the season and with the impending deployment. As the temperatures drop, so does my mood. When I was in college, I was diagnosed with anxiety depression. I chose not to be medicated and through the years I have learned to manage along the way. Depression doesn't just go away; it is something you deal with forever. Now my depression is much more seasonal. The holidays have been a very emotional time for me ever since I lost my grandmother and the heightened emotions trigger a downswing in my moods. When you add the stress and sadness of a deployment beginning just before the holiday season, it makes it much harder to face. I think one of the things that made my depression worse when I was younger is that I was trying to be someone I'm not. In stead of taking that time to deal with everything, I was trying to be what others wanted and expected me to be.

Over time, I learned I have to have time to process when things shift. With everything that is rapidly approaching, I am withdrawing again. That is normal, especially for my personality. I am finding that I am just doing more things on my own and that is the way I want it to be for now. I am processing the emotions and changes that are happening right now. When I have to process something big, I always become a loner for a while. During times like this, my emotions are already on overload and if I have to much external stimulation, I just can't handle it. It really makes me shut down. I learned that the best thing for me to do is just take some time and focus on myself. This doesn't mean I become a complete hermit but it does mean I stay in a lot more or I choose to do things alone. This will be the pattern for the next few months as my husband leaves and I start finding my new normal. As his departure approaches I will do everything I can with him and most of the rest will be on my own. Once he is gone, I will take the time I need to be sad and be alone before I start to reach out to those around me.

The thing I have this year that I have not had in the past is an outlet in running. I know that will help me to cope with this downswing much better than I have in the past because I am moving again. Running isn't going to make my depression magically disappear, but I believe it will help dull it's affects. It will give me a little me time three times a week when no one expects me to be around people. A time when I won't have to answer questions or feel like something is missing. Yes, right now I spend most nights running with Mac but I have my best workouts when I am alone. I think that is one of the reasons that I am finding that running suits me. It's an individual sport. That does not mean that I can't be a part of a team. I grew up playing sports and I miss being on a softball team dearly. What I mean is that running, being alone but moving, is a perfect fit for my personality.

This is the post I wanted to revisit. It is the post I wrote last year soon after I decided to do the 2011 Princess Half. While I was writing this post, I had a revelation about my depression.  Even though only a small part of the post is about my depression, I still want to repost it in its entirety. I find it really interesting to look back on where I was then. It makes me sad in a sense to know how much fire and desire I had to do something that I just was not fully ready to do. I'm glad that I am finally moving in the right direction and will hopefully be fulfilling the dreams of the part of me that wrote this post last year.

Right now I can't stop crying and I'm not sure why. Well, I know the emotions behind the tears but it's hard to explain them. There is a mix of pride, fear, excitement, nervousness, anticipation, and being overwhelmed by the task ahead. This is the result of a decision I made recently about a task I have chosen to complete. I'm still too afraid to really talk about it specifically but it will help me change my life. Those of you that know me, know that I have struggled with my weight for a while now. I started making some progress while Mac was gone but after a few months, it sort of stopped. Life got in the way, motivation was low and my self worth was non existent. I could figure out the food part and that was all well and good but I couldn't figure out the exercise side of the equation. I would go to the gym and work out but it seemed so pointless. I wasn't working towards anything other than weight loss and that isn't a good working goal for me.

You see, though I may not seem like it, I am an athlete. I have been since I was 4 and started playing t-ball. Exercise had a purpose. I never ran or did gym stuff, I trained. Every thing I did had a purpose and it was improving my game. That was how I stayed in shape and though I have always been heavier, I was in shape. Then everything fell apart. A stupid person did a stupid thing and I ended up getting hurt. I snapped my ACL during my freshman year of college and had to have surgery to repair it. For a while after my physical therapy I continued to play sports but it was much harder. Playing in a metal brace isn't the most comfortable thing but playing without it opens the door for more surgery. After a while, the discomfort of the brace and the fear of re-injury made me stop participating all together. This along with some life events led to me finding myself in a very deep depression and depression opened the door for uncontrolled weight gain.

Holy crap! In this moment, I realized that when I stopped moving, I started sinking farther into the darkness that was already pulling me. The athlete in me was locked up in a closet and rendered me defenseless against the pain I was fighting. I can't believe that I never saw it before. It all happened at the same time. That is when my weight began to slip out of control. I finally learned how to fight off the depression but I never let the athlete out. I was so ashamed of what I had become and so disappointed in my limitations that I quit over and over again. Sorry, that became more of a stream of consciousness than what I was intending to write but I think I had to put it out there. And I have to thank God for it because I have been praying for understanding about how I got where I am. (yes there is a lot more to it but I already knew most of the other parts, this was the piece that I just couldn't find.)

I have been so unhappy with myself for so long but I have been so lost as to how I can change it. I've been searching for something to work towards. I needed a goal that was more tangible than weight loss because my history with weight loss is that it never happens. I needed something that I knew would happen with certainty. I have found that goal. I wasn't planning to go into specifics but the clarity I have found in the last ten minutes as erased the fear that was keeping me from telling you. So, here goes...

I am going to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon on March 6th 2011.

I will be registering for the event as soon as they post it on May 1st. I have already begun training and have my training calendar printed and on the fridge. When I first decided to do it, it felt a little impossible, but when I sat down and planned my training, I realized it is completely possible. I'm not shooting for a magnificent finishing time, I am just working on finishing. I am not doing this just to lose weight, my sole purpose for running this race is for me. I want to feel like a princess and feel worthy of what I have. I am going to do what it takes to get there. I know that I can do the entire race walking if I have to but I am going to do my damnedest to run the entire thing. However, I know that through training the weight will come off. There is no way I will be running 13.1 miles next year at the same weight I am now. If I do, I must be eating an entire cow a day. Haha

Anyway, back to the purpose of this post. I have been reading up on the race and working on getting the right tools that I need(i.e. good running shoes, etc.) and everything just overwhelms me. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I am embarking on this journey. I'm excited beyond belief and scared half to death. I've read so many awesome accounts of women running this race as their first race and it is inspiring and encouraging and I can't wait to tell you my story when it is all said and done.

Some of you are probably wondering where the hell this idea came from and it was a fellow Army wife. She loves everything Disney and decided to run in the 2010 Princess. She had never ran before but thought it would be fun. After she finished this year she posted pics on facebook and gushed over how great it was and wanted to get other wives to join her next year. I toyed with the idea for a while but wasn't willing to commit. Then I looked through her pics one day while I was considering it and one image was my turning point(picture below). It said exactly what I needed and that was the turning point of it all. That was the moment I decided I was going to do it and I was going to do the best I could possibly do.

Thanks Meghan!

The words on that shirt bring a sense of strength and comfort even now that I attempted the race and did not finish. As I stated in my race recap post, had I not attempted the princess and failed, I would not have the strength and determination that I have now. I would not be succeeding now.

Not really a WW Thursday

So I skipped the meeting today. Some dear friends are visiting from Virginia and I opted to hang out with them instead of going to the meeting. Maybe I should have gone but oh well.

I may have skipped my meeting but I didn't skip my runs this week. Tuesday night was good but slow. I went out for a run around 5 am hoping it would be nice and cool but because of the front coming through, it was warm and humid again. I did about half of the workout before calling it quits. I just wasn't feeling it. I went back out tonight to finish what I started. It felt AMAZING. It was around 70 degrees with basically no humidity. I was actually a little cold when I started since I was wearing a tank top. I pushed my self a lot harder tonight trying to have a good pace. I was a lot fast than I have been but of course I couldn't keep it up the entire time. I slowed down and finished up and headed inside.

It was a good day. I know that I may not have done everything I was supposed to but I still feel like it was a good day.

I'm hopeful about the next week. I have had some realizations lately and I think it is going to help things along.

I have several introspective, more serious posts that are bouncing around in my head. I've done a lot of thinking lately and I need to just get it all out there. Last night I remembered a post I wrote on my old blog last year and I really want to find it  so that I can post it here and revisit the revelations I made in that post and how I am seeing things now.

WW Thusday

Sorry, I know I haven't written one of these in a while. I haven't been to a meeting in a while. I was sort of worried about what the scale would say but it wasn't as bad as I expected. Right before I went home, I had a really off week. I didn't track and didn't pay attention to my food. It wasn't horrible but my weight went up a pound or so according to my scale at home and I didn't feel like having a bad weigh-in so I didn't go. I had a plan to really buckle down and be very strict while I was at home but that was a silly idea. Yes, it is possible but it wasn't completely necessary. There are certain foods I don't get here, so I treat myself to them while at home. So I treated myself. I didn't track while I was there but I did pay attention to what I was eating. I knew some days I had gone over but others I was pretty much on track. I could have found a meeting at home but I didn't really want to weigh-in while I was there because the scales never agree. I typically weigh about 5 pounds more in Georgia than I do here. I decided I would just wait until I got back. So today was my first meeting in a while. the scale was kinder than I thought it would be. I gained but I only gained 0.6. That's not bad at all. I'm refocusing and I know that as I move forward I will see more results. I know even though the scale is still stuck, my body is changing. My pants are getting loose again and my husband said I looked slimmer when I came back from Georgia.

I had a great run tonight. We have a cold front coming through so our daily high temps are only supposed to be in the '90s. Yay! That also means it is cooling off quicker at night. Tonight is was already close to 80 when I ran at 10:30. For the last few months, if I wanted to run when it was 80 I would have to do it a 5AM. So far I am really liking the new plan. I like that my week day runs are nice and short. I'm seeing the progress that I have made over the last 6 months because I have actually given my body the rest that it needed for me to reach my potential. I have my first longer run coming up on Sunday, but since I'm just starting out, it is only 3 miles. I'm currently doing a 1 minute run, 1 minute walk ratio for my short workouts. I am pretty sure that would drive me nuts on the longer runs so I found a version of Galloway's plan that suggests a quarter mile run, quarter mile walk for the long runs. I think I am going to try that this weekend. I figure it is a good place to start and I have 5 months to change it and find what works best for me.

I'm really starting to feel a lot better about things. Hopefully it will all keep looking up.

In case you are interested, I just updated my 10k post with pics from the race.

Starting Fresh

Tonight I started the Galloway training. I will finish it in time for the Tinkerbell in January. I skipped week one but I think it will be ok since I have been running for a while now. I am definitely taking a step back and not pushing as hard because I was starting to hurt myself by doing too much too quickly. I have to keep reminding myself that even though I have been running since March, I have only been running since March. That probably sounds stupid but what I mean is I am still a new runner. I am still a beginner. I still need to take it slow.

Tonight was a short run of just 30 minutes. I love that with his plan, I am only doing three runs a week, two of which are just short 30 minute runs. Doing so many long runs, like I was with the 10K plan, made me feel like my legs never had time to recover and I didn't progress as much as I could. I'm excited about it all but it is hard to believe the Tink is only 20 weeks away.  Anyway, back to tonight's run. It went well. I had to stop after 20 minutes but in my eyes, it really wasn't a bad thing and was the result of a conscious decision. I realized about half way into the workout that my pace was faster than I expected. I knew that I couldn't keep it up for the entire workout so instead of slowing down and running longer, I decided to keep pushing and just run the faster pace for 20 minutes instead of 30. I was a full 2 minutes faster than I have been. It was very encouraging. My plan is to slow myself down on Thursday to make sure I get the entire 30 minutes in but I was still happy with my run tonight.

I'm playing around with my run/walk ratios right now. I have definitely found that doing the shorter intervals definitely helps my pace. Now I just need to find what fits me best. Right now I am doing an even ratio but we'll see if I keep that or change it up.

I really have to get my routine figured out. With Mac leaving soon, I know I can get very thrown off if I don't have it all figured out already. I have my training schedule all mapped out with the dates and everything and the funny thing is I have a workout scheduled for both Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. I thought about moving them but I think having time away from people to just center myself on those days will actually be best. It will be hard enough having Mac gone, I would feel guilty if he was gone and I didn't get my workouts in. Plus, like I said, it will be nice to have a minute to myself away from everything, a way to forget that it is a holiday and just treat it like any other day.

I'm excited about what is to come and trying to focus on my training now. There are still lots of things that can make me very discouraged but I am trying to ignore them at the moment. I just need to keep pushing forward and working towards my goals.

Labor Day 10K

Well, I have officially done a 10K. I didn't do very well, but I did it. Nothing really went as I had hoped.

I was all excited for awesome weather, unfortunately Lee had other ideas. It didn't rain but I wish it would have. The temp was only 72 but with 99% humidity. Not really fun..

It all just started very badly. We ended up getting to the start late even though we thought we had left in time. That meant that the race actually started when I was still about 100 yards from the start line. I ended up sprinting to try to catch up and get in front of the ambulance that was following all of the runners. That was what made everything else suck so bad Because I didn't have time to warm-up, my legs protested the sudden sprint and my left calf immediately cramped up. The race had barely started and I already was unable to run. I couldn't stop to stretch it out because the ambulance  was on my ass and I felt like I had to keep moving. It was very frustrating because I started the thing dead last and stayed there for a while. There was a woman that was closer to me but the rest of the pack was quickly leaving us. By the end of the first mile, my leg was killing me. I was hurting so badly and really just wanted to quit. I turned around and realized that I was being followed by every police car that had been blocking an intersection. They were all creeping along because of me. That's when I lost it. I started bawling. I tried to call my husband because I felt so ashamed and so alone. He didn't answer. I tried our house and I tried his cell and there was nothing. Finally,  I called Rachel. She was my ride for the morning and I was really just going to tell her to come get me. I was crying pretty much uncontrollably when she answered. I finally told her what was going on and she tried to calm me down. She reminded me of all I had been doing and what I did at the Princess while she cheered me on. I was finally able to calm down after having a chance to talk to someone. I just felt so alone and needed a little support.

Not long after I got off the phone, I caught up with the lady in front of me. Her name was Patty and we understood each other. She is on a journey to lose weight also. She has already lost a good bit but still has a ways to go. She is training for the Rock-n-Roll Half in Savannah. We talked about the struggles of training when you are overweight. We talked about how hard it is for others to understand what it really feels like. We also talked about how bad it sucked being dead last. Having someone to talk to made things better and as I walked on, my leg finally started to loosen up.

After about 3.5 miles, my legs were feeling a lot better and we were on he last all downhill portion of the race. I decided to try to run as much of the end as I could. I pretty much ran the last 2.5 miles of the race. I finally felt good and really wondered how I would have done if the race had a better start. I did really well with the last few miles. Finally, I made the last turn and I could see the park where the finish line was. I fought back a few tears because I couldn't believe I was actually going to finish after the morning I had. There were two people waiting by the finish and, surprise, surprise, they were my friends. The place was deserted but I didn't care. I finished. I took a second to sit and catch my breath before I went back to meet Patty and finish with her. I felt bad for leaving her but she told me to run ahead once I felt better so i did. I was actually really surprised by my average pace. It was much better than I expected since I walked over half of the race. I ended up finishing with a pace just over a 16 minute mile which is slow as hell but is almost good enough for the Disney races.

As much as it all really sucked, it still gave me some hope for the future. I still have a lot of time to get better and several more races to help me watch my progress. This week I started the Galloway training program. It is the one they posted for the Princess but it was perfect timing for me to start it for the Tink since it was posted 21.5 weeks before the race and it is a 21 week program. I have heard great things about it so hopefully it will be a good one for me. I did a very short workout today since I am still very sore from the race. I felt ok but I still need a little recovery time. Up next on the list is the Army Shadow 10 miler in October. Hopefully, it will go better than the 10K.

No matter how the race went, I can cross one more thing of my list.

Here are a few pictures from the race. 

 I was laughing because Patty was saying some not so nice things about the photographer. Notice the Ambulance on our butts.

 

Crossing the finish line after a long morning.

Crossing a second time with my race buddy.

Finding Myself Again

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement and mostly thanks so much for not lecturing me about what I am going through. It is just one of those times when you just don't feel like things are going well even though you know you are trying. After a while it just starts to wear on you.

Fortunately, tonight was a good night. I had a good run. Not a great run, but it was good and I needed that. I basically did a 5K. Knowing that I could do 3 miles again was encouraging, and if Lisa was right with her comment, that should mean I will have no problem with the 10K on Monday since it is about 15-20 degrees cooler in Macon than it is here in the mornings. Right now the forecast says the temp for Monday morning is 67. SIXTY-FREAKIN'-SEVEN!! I'm so excited.(If you couldn't tell) It will probably be between 70 and 75 when I am running but that is awesome too. I haven't had a run below 85 in months and the last few weeks it has been 90 or 95 while I was running. Tonight it was around 94 when we went out.  I felt good. I took it slow and my husband had water for me this time. I know that I can do better than I did tonight because my time at the last 5K(which I struggled at) was about ten minutes faster than tonight. That is giving me some hope because I felt really good after the run tonight. Knowing that it will be cooler and that the course is mostly down hill, I'm feeling more confident and more excited about the run on Monday.

Right now my plan is to get in a short easy run Thursday night after I get into GA just to see how I feel, see how the different temps feel and to just get one more run in before the race. Then I'm just going to take it easy until the race. I'll be on my feet a good bit on Friday so Saturday and Sunday will be lazy days. The reason I will be on my feet Friday is because I am going dress shopping with my best friend back home. I'm getting more excited about the big party too. I LOVE my dress. I can't wait until the next payday so I can pay it off and go pick it up. I'm so excited to find something gorgeous for her. We will also be on the search for some killer shoes to go along with mine. It's just so nice to be happy and excited when I think about the upcoming event instead of beginning to dread it like I was.

I'm starting to feel a little more like myself. I think I just needed to get it all out there and then have a decent workout again. Honestly, the weight loss plateau was not bothering me nearly as much while I was still getting good workouts in, but as soon as those started sucking it just all hit me like a ton of bricks. Having one thing back on track makes me feel like getting everything else back is possible. I'm also changing my outlook and expectations for the coming months. I have a lot of races coming up. A 10K next week, a 10 miler in Oct and a half marathon in November. My goal for the Disney races have changed. Now I just want to finish. I was trying to push myself to be able to run the entire 13.1 miles. I'm starting to realize I have been putting too much pressure on myself and now I am focusing more on the walk/run method and just making sure that I get my pace down enough to stay ahead of the balloons.(For those unfamiliar with Disney races, the balloons are tied to the race pacers, and if they pass you, you are in danger of being picked up. I know, I followed that witch for my last mile of the race this year. No matter how hard I willed it, she never tripped so I could catch up. Haha)

Now that I am not planning to go home for my high-school reunion, I will be able to participate in the Army Shadow 10 miler here. I'm a little nervous but I know that I can do it even if I end up walking most of it. I still have 5 months to get ready for the Tink so I am not going to kill myself for an untimed race. Then it will be the Run to Remember in November which will be my first official half marathon. Once again, I'm not going to push too hard because I am just using it as a reading of where I am. That way I know how much I have to do to be able to keep pace for the Tink. One of the things that I love about races here is that there is no time limit. You don't feel as much pressure and they don't care how long it takes you to get done. It will be a great way to gauge my progress and see how far I have to go.

Things are getting back on track. I really just want to thank you for your support and understanding that sometimes you just need to get something off your chest. Like I've said before, there is a reason the word battle is in the title of my blog. This journey is not an easy one and sometimes I may feel like I've lost a battle or two. The point is to move forward and win the war.

I will be healthier, I will get fit,  and I will be the woman that I have always wanted to be.

Bad Week(s)

A while back when I posted about The Road to My Low, I said that one of the most important things to me this time around was honesty and being open to share everything with all of you out there. I know that my posts haven't had the same tone for a while now and if I am being completely honest with you, it's because I have been going through a pretty rough time.

I've been struggling a lot emotionally in the last few weeks. Things really started with the plateau I hit in June/July. I was so frustrated with feeling stuck and having no idea why. I was doing everything I was supposed to but I wasn't really seeing any results, not on the scale anyway. I knew things were changing with my measurements but not really seeing on the scale started getting to me. I know I've done well by losing 17 pounds since starting WW and 27 pounds total but I feel like it isn't enough. I feel like I should be further along.

When I made the decision in April to really be serious and start going to meetings, I expected things to be easier. I expected to see quicker results. I knew that my husband I were planning a big anniversary party  and I had my 10 year high school reunion, both in October. I had all of these high hopes of seeing such a huge difference by then. Now we are just a month away from the party and I feel like I am failing. I know that I am not because I am still trying but I have had so many bad days lately that I have really just wanted to quit. I know I can't quit and I won't but it has been hard to continue working when it feels like nothing is going right.

I have the 10K coming up in a week. I'm not even remotely excited about it. I am terrified. I feel like I have gone backwards with my running lately. There is only so much you can do here before the heat just sucks everything out of you. I can barely even do a mile without feeling like I am going to die. I am not expecting the race to go well but I'm going to do it anyway. Right now I just feel like a fraud when it comes to running. I keep reading about people that are training for a half or even just friends that run that are just going out for a normal workout. they talk about how they did 3 mile in 35 minutes and had a sluggish day. They expect ridicule when they do three miles in 30 minutes or feel like they have an off day because they just ran 5 miles. I would LOVE to be able to run 3 miles in 30 minutes. I would be so ecstatic if that was my time one day. Even friends that have never ran before that are also trying to lose weight are running consistent 13 min miles. I can't even do that. I feel like I am such a loser and that I have no reason to think I can ever do this when I see these things. I still feel like I have so far to go that there really is no point. I'm supposed to be running the Tink in 5 months. Right now I feel like it is going to be a wasted trip.

I'm just struggling a lot with confidence issues. I'm in the process of really getting ready for our big party. My plan was to buy this killer sexy dress but the silhouette I wanted is a little more revealing than I would be comfortable in at this point. I really wanted something that would hug my curves and show off my progress but even though I am sure I could find one that looked good, I would not be comfortable in it at all. I would focus so much on the areas that are not even close to where I wanted them to be at this point that I would hate the way I looked. I found a dress today. I love it, but at the same time, I know it is not what I wanted. It is a different silhouette and though it looks great on, I feel like I should have done more. I still have so far to go. Some days it just feels impossible and I feel foolish for thinking I could even do it. I know I can but sometimes, it just doesn't feel that way.

I seriously considered disabling the comments on this post but I won't. Please don't tell me what I am doing wrong or what I need to do differently. I know you may mean well but that really isn't the kind of feedback I need right now. Right now I really just want to know that I am not alone and that people are there to listen when I'm having a really rough time. I have tons of resources for ways to succeed but sometimes when you are emotionally burnt out, you just need a listening ear and a word of encouragement and understanding, not advice and instructions. This isn't one of those times when I am struggling because I can't figure out what to eat or I can't find the right training program, it really is because my confidence is shaken and I am just emotionally drained. It doesn't help that my husband's deployment is very rapidly approaching and I really don't know how I am going to do this while he is gone.

I'm just really hoping I can have a good weigh-in and an encouraging run sometime soon so that I don't feel like I am wasting my time.

Sweltering

The heat here is really doing me in. I almost feel like I am going backwards because the runs are getting harder as it continues to be so unbearably hot. For a while, even though it was over 100 during the day, it would fall to around 80 or 85 by 10 or 11 at night. Now, it is still 95 degrees at midnight. It is just an oppressive heat. My pace is suffering and I feel like I am over heating every time I run.

Tonight was the worst one so far. We decided to go a different route and it meant that we weren't right near the house. Unfortunately we did not have any water with us or any way to get some so I had to stop running about half way through the workout. I was afraid if I kept pushing without water, I was going to pass out. I am thinking of investing in a camelbak waist belt. The reservoir sits in the small of your back and you can tighten it down as you drink so it doesn't slosh around as much.  I can't run and carry a water bottle. It is just too awkward for me.

I'm struggling with a lot of doubts right now. I am scared that I won't be ready and I will fail again. I really hope this all gets easier when the temps drop again. The temps should be much more pleasant at the 10K and hopefully that will give me a better idea of where I am. I know that I still have 5 months before the first Disney Half but I am still feeling unsure. It's just a lot of old insecurities creeping in.

Ugh, I would LOVE to run in the rain. We need rain so, so badly. Not just a day but a whole week of it. It would feel heavenly.

WW Thursday

YAY!! I finally had a GOOD weigh-in. I lost 3 lbs this week. There is no period in front of that number; I lost 3 whole pounds.  I think I am finally over that plateau. Thanks goodness. I actually haven't done as well as I wanted with my running but I was very, very diligent with my points tracking. I had a bad run last night. It just wasn't a good day and I just didn't feel like doing it. I tried but I just didn't have it in me to finish.

I'm going to be trying a few new things in the next few weeks and hopefully that will help my weight loss as well. Right now I just need Priceline to accept my bid so I can book my tickets home for the Labor Day 10K. I am no longer expecting a qualifying time but I still want to do it so that I know where I am at as I move forward. I may be back on with the Shadow 10 miler in October but that whole weekend is still up in the air.

I was glad to have a good weigh-in at the meeting today but we received some sad news. Our leader is leaving. She got a new job that starts immediately so this was her last week. They have not decided who her replacement will be yet. I really like her and I think she is one of the reasons the meetings were working for me. Hopefully her replacement will be as good as she is.

Where's the beef?

Not at my house, not anymore.

I have discovered that I can no longer eat beef. at least not ground beef. My stomach just can't handle it. We've been eating a lot of chicken and ground turkey lately mostly because it is lower in points. We decided to have hamburger helper on Sunday night and the commissary was out of ground turkey so we just grabbed some lean ground beef. First of all, i noticed i preferred the taste of it with turkey. Later I just didn't feel well and the beef was the only thing I had done differently. Tonight we decided to grill hamburgers because I found some lean fresh hamburger patties at the commissary that were only 3 pts per patty. After dinner tonight, I went out for my run. I made it through the first interval but didn't feel great so i stopped for a minute before trying the second. About 6 minutes into the second interval, I had to come home. I felt so bad. The common thread has been the beef so I think I am swearing it off mostly.  I will still try a filet sometime to see if steak is the same but I will definitely not be bringing home ground beef again any time soon.

Oh well, no big loss.

Hotter than Hades 5K

Well I ran my 5K yesterday. I shouldn't have but I did it anyway. The reason I say I shouldn't have is because I am fighting some sinus crap and I had a touch of food poisoning yesterday. I didn't realize it was food poisoning until later in the day and it was too late by then.

I did better on the run than I thought I was going to do during it. I felt bad, really bad, and almost quit a few times. My stomach didn't bother me too much during the race but the increasing pressure in my head coupled with the intense humidity has brutal. The temperature wasn't that bad since it was very overcast and the sun was hidden but we had about 95% humidity to go along with our 89 degree weather so it didn't take long for you to feel like you were on fire. The race definitely lived up to its name. I got a little too hot on the course but I still managed to come in 7 minutes faster than my last time. I was really surprised by that since I ended up walking a lot more than I planned. I was going to do the suggested 4 minute run, 1 minute walk but it ended up being more like 4/4 because I was getting so hot during the run portions. Like I said, I probably should have stayed home in bed but oh well.

It gave me a little confidence though. for a moment I was defeated and decided to skip the Labor Day race back home but once I really started paying attention to my run times and factoring in the crap that made yesterday's race so much harder, I realized a qualifying time at the 10K is still possible. I just have to make sure I keep training and I'm not sick for that race too.

Learning

I'm skipping my run today. Part of me is screaming in protest because it is saying I need to stick to the plan exactly and I should have been out running this morning. But the reality is that I am planning on running a 5K in the morning and I am hoping to have a new PR after it. I know that for me to do my best in the morning, I will benefit from rest today. I'm also learning what works best for me with running. I may be making a few changes soon. I'm afraid I may be pushing myself too hard some nights. I think I know what I need to change and if it works, I will let you know.

I've been feeling like I am way behind when it comes to training. Hopefully tomorrow's race will help me feel better about it all. I'm hoping that I do better than I am expecting but we'll see. (maybe my stupid allergies won't screw everything up. I currently can't breathe through both sides of my nose but I am planning to use some nose spray to open things up in the morning.)

WW Thursday

Well, here we are again. I lost 0.8 this week. It's good because it is a loss but I really wish it was more. At least give me a full freaking pound instead of these tenths of a pound numbers. It is just getting annoying. I know a loss is a loss and any loss is good but I feel like I should be doing better on the scale than I am. I have lost 2 pant sizes but the numbers have barely gone down during that time. I am losing inches but not pounds. It is just becoming a little frustrating.

I've made a few discoveries and I am hoping those will help me get things moving better again. I decided that I was going to be super diligent with my tracking this past week. Some days I had not been writing it down or logging it online but mentally counting. I also wasn't looking up all of the point values on things. Sometimes I was guessing. I found out I was guessing wrong. I'm hoping that watching my points more closely will help. Added to that, my workouts are getting tougher and I am trying to ride my bike more so hopefully those things will help too.

I am really struggling this week emotionally. It is just getting very frustrating. I feel like I am doing everything right and really trying to make a change and not seeing any results. All while others are taking the easy way out or not being as strict as they should and still seeing great results. It just really makes me want to give up. Last night I had a hard time after my run. I completed it but I had this overwhelming feeling that it is all worthless because I'm not going to be able to do it. I feel like I still have way to far to go mileage wise and I am never going to be able to do it. It just feels like everything is sneaking up on me and I am not going to be ready for any of it. I have a 5K this weekend that I am hoping goes better than I am expecting it to, that way maybe I will be a little more confident for the 10K next month. It's all just wearing me down and I am starting to feel like a failure.

Update: I have been tracking my measurements and I took them again today after I posted this.I have lost another almost 10 inches all over and I am down another pant size. While I am super happy these numbers are going down, it frustrates me that much more. I feel like they should translate into bigger scale losses than they are. Oh well, maybe it will all make sense eventually.

Shift Forward

So I have decided to start running earlier. It's hot as Hades but it means Mac can go with me and honestly it means I burn more calories. It's sort of like running in a sauna. Haha.

I wasn't sure how it was going to go because I was battling a headache and it was a lot hotter than normal when I started. I did much better than I expected. Especially during the first half. I am doing longer run intervals right now so I am only doing two reps. I struggled a little more during the second one. I was feeling the heat and my legs were just tired from running longer. I ran about half of the second interval and then switched to the 4min run/1min walk suggested by Jeff Galloway. That way I was still getting in a good run but with a little recovery time in there. I made sure I stopped my timer when I was walking so that I actually ran the full time I was supposed to it was just broken up a little. I think I'm going to use the 4/1 method for the 10K because I think allowing myself a little recovery time every now and then will help me maintain a faster pace overall instead of burning out too quickly. I still have plenty of time to work up to a longer continuous run but for now I think I am going to play it a little safer and a little smarter instead of pushing too hard.

I have another 5 K Saturday morning. Originally I wasn't going to do it but I decided I might as well because it will give me a good idea of where I am in regards to the 10K that is coming up. Right now my biggest worry is just how I am going to get to GA for it. I don't want to drive because 18 hours in a car is hard on your body but I don't want to spend a fortune on airfare either. I am hoping Priceline will come through for me and I can get a cheap ticket home.

I still need to clean up my bike and take pics, oh and start riding it more. Haha.

Here's hoping this is a good week!

Learning to Snack and Save

This week's WW topic was about better snacking. I know this is one area that some days I am great and others, it is my downfall. I have found several healthier and lower point value snacks but so often, they are expensive. Fruit is a great snack(0 pts) but it isn't cheap and good fruit is sometimes hard to find. I am also a salty snacks person so fruit doesn't always hit the spot. I have found great chip and cheese ball alternatives with things like Pop Chips and Snikiddy Cheese balls. Both are all  natural and less points(3 pts) for twice the amount. They are perfect for when I am craving salty and crunchy.  Once again, they are not cheap if you run out to your local grocer and pick them up. Fortunately for us the commissary has started carrying Pop Chips regularly and they are at a better price, however, they only carry the large bags. I like the individual size bags in both because it is easy portion control. You just grab a bag and go, no need to measure, count or weigh. You know how much you are getting and how many points it is.

Every now and then I let the price get in the way and go for easy and cheap. That is when I slip up the most with my eating each day. Fortunately I have found and ally in this fight and its name is Amazon. Most of the healthier snacks that we love but hate the price, are available on amazon. Not only can you buy them in bulk but you can sign up for a subscription to them and save. You can set it so that it ships as little as every 6 months and you get a discount on the item and free shipping. I have used this in the past but I stopped and I don't know why. Soon I will be setting up new subscriptions to great snacks to help me keep my snacking within my daily points.

I have a new fire and I am hoping that it along with some better choices are going to help increase the results I see each week.

WW Thursday

Well today's meeting went a little better than last week. I lost 0.6 so I at least lost something. I would like to lose more but it will come in time. I'm really going to crack down on my food. I haven't really been doing bad but I haven't been tracking as well as I should.

I did something very stupid today. I decided I wanted to get a little bit of a workout today before the meeting so I decided to go ride my bike. I forgot that it was 108 today and I had no water with me and I hadn't had much to drink before I left. I rode about 3.5 miles but the last half was brutal. I rode over to another neighborhood and on the way back I realized how hot I was and that I had nothing to drink. I was determined to get home but I knew that if I really started feeling bad that I could call someone to pick me up. Thankfully the last 1/4 of a mile is all downhill so I was able to just coast home. I got some water in me and cooled off and I was fine. I definitely will not be making that mistake again.

Huh?

So I confused the MPs(military police) that were in my neighborhood tonight. I was just out for my run but they found it odd. Maybe because it was 12:30AM. They were in our neighborhood checking the houses of residents that are out of town. I ran by them about 3 times and every time I passed them, I got a weird look. I'm used to seeing the post cops in our neighborhood and by this time, they are used to seeing me, but this was the first time I saw the actual MPs.

I tried to run earlier tonight with Mac but it was just too dang hot and my body didn't like it. I decided that I would just try again after he went to bed and the temp dropped a little more. I did better on my second attempt but not great. I'm not sure what the issue was but hopefully it will be better on Friday.

It's nice having Mac back but it is either going to mean that I HAVE to get up early in the morning or I will just have to run without him at night. I'm not sure which way I am going to go with it.

Tomorrow is another weigh-in. I'm not expecting great results. I have been watching my food pretty well but I haven't been drinking enough water and that is affecting things a little. My workouts are getting tougher and tougher and I am hoping that along with being more diligent about the food will help me to start shedding pounds again.

Ooooo. I have to tell you all about my bike. I want to get it cleaned up and take some pics and show you the awesome thing I learned about it tonight.(mac rode it while I tried to run the first time.) I just really wish I knew what kind it was. The people that had it before pulled all of the stickers off of the frame so there is nothing with a brand or anything on it. Oh well, I still think it is too fun.

(I updated the commenting options so that hopefully it will be easier for people to comment now. I know a few people have said they have had trouble with it in the past. Hopefully it is fixed now. One change is it will open a pop-up window so make sure you are looking for that.)

Fun Ride

I took my "new" bike out for a quick ride tonight. It was short but it was fun. It's been a long time since I have been on a bike and enjoyed it. I'm really looking forward to what is to come with it.

I found out that I already had what I needed for the tubes. Our bike pump is convertible so I was able to fill up the tires without buying a converter valve. I still need to lower the seat(and possibly replace it) but I had a little trouble with it. Every time I push the seat down, it pops back up. It is fine while I am riding but I can't touch the ground while seated so I feel a little wobbly sometimes.

I'm feeling better today than I expected. My back is sore but other than that, there really isn't much residual affect from yesterday. Now that my husband knows what happened I can fill you in. A friend and I drove up to Dallas for a concert that we got free tickets for on post. Dallas is 3 hours away but it was a free concert so we were game. Well, about 3 miles from the venue some stupidity occurred and we were rear-ended by a very large Dodge Ram. I was stopped in a line at a red light when this happened and he hit me so hard(i was in a Toyota Corolla) it pushed me forward enough to make me hit the SUV in front of me. Of course my 'ittle bitty car was the only one with damage. It is mostly cosmetic but it still sucks. I was very shaken up and upset by the whole thing. Maggie and I both were ok but it did rattle us around a bit and my neck started hurting a little along with my head. We decided to skip out on the concert because we just weren't in the mood anymore. I also didn't want to be driving home too late in case something more serious was wrong with the car and we broke down. Now I have a large hole in the front bumper of my car(the SUV had a trailer hitch) and my rear pumper is cracked in several places and the trunk is out of line. Other than that, the car is drivable and it appears the only real damage is to plastic parts. One of the worst things about the whole situation is that my husband is still on the other side of the world and we have no idea when he will be home.

Having a good run last night and realizing I got a pretty good bike yesterday has made this crappy weekend better. Oh and I splurged and got some pretty hot shoes. They will not help me in my training or anything useful other than looking hot.

FINALLY!!

Finally I had a good run!!

Today...

Today was ...

What's a nice way to put it?

Today was a really shitty day. (that'll have to do)


The week in general hasn't been that great but this afternoon it got worse. Thankfully in the big sense, everything is fine, or fixable, but in the emotional and stressful sense, it was a bad day. (I'll explain later once I can tell my husband everything. Especially since the aftermath may affect my workouts and such.)

Anyway, it was a bad day.

There was a bright spot early on. I bought a bike at the village wide yard sale for $35. It is a cruiser hybrid, or at least that is what I call it. It is styled like a cruiser but still has a few gears. It seems like it is in really great shape, i just need to get an adapter for the tube because they are European.

I missed my run last night. I wasn't looking forward to it in the first place because it was jumping up in time again and I wasn't sure I could do it. Things were a little more hectic than I expected yesterday and by the time I realized I needed to run, I didn't have it in me. I decided I was going to try to sleep and then do it this morning before hitting the yard sales. My alarm went off and I had not gotten much sleep so I ignored it. I decided that if I got back early enough tonight(I was supposed to go to a concert) I would do it then. Well, then all hell broke loose. I got home, didn't feel great but knew I needed to run. I felt bad because I hadn't ran when I should have. Not guilty-bad, more of a not normal kind of bad. I felt like I was missing something, like something was off. I decided that maybe it would help me feel better and seeing as I have no idea how I will feel tomorrow, I better get it over with. I also didn't want to fall too far behind on my new 10K plan because as it is currently laid out, I will complete it just in time for the Labor Day 10K.

I did not have high hopes for tonight but I kept praying that God would give me the ability to have a good run, and he did. I was smart. I slowed down a lot. I am still averaging an acceptable pace but I am slower than I want to be on Labor Day. That's ok, I'm still building up so I really don't want to push it too hard. I just wanted to finish the workout. I modified the plan a little since I knew I had struggled with the last run. It called for an 8 minute run followed by a 2 minute walk repeated 3 times. I knew that in recent runs, 2 minutes wasn't enough for my calves to recover before I started the next run. I decided to extend it to 3 minutes instead and it worked out GREAT. I know in time that recovery time will decrease but for now, having legs that feel good and are able to continue is more important to me.

My run time increases again on Monday. I am hoping that I can stick to tonight's pace so that I can complete it as well. I am really hoping that I am entering a new positive swing with all the workouts instead of having some of the discouragement that I have faced lately. I really want to feel good about all of this again instead of just frustrated.

WW Thursday

So today wasn't the best of days for weighing in. I gained 0.4 lbs. I know that isn't much but this has been a trend lately. In reality, I am still doing pretty good because I have not gained a full pound yet if you add up my gains since my last loss. So basically I have been pretty much staying the same. It all really started when we went home and I haven't fully gotten back on track since then. I am doing better with my running again and I am still learning with my food. I have bee pretty consistently having "breakfast" so that at least is a start. I put breakfast in quotes because it is a meal replacement shake not a bowl of cereal or anything like that. I'm starting slow but at least I am getting something in my system instead of waiting until 5pm like I used to. The shakes are also useful because I am doing a cleanse that requires consuming a large dose of saw dust, I mean fiber, and putting it in the shake makes it bearable. I'm hoping that cleaning everything in there out will help me with the weight-loss stuff as well as tummy issues I have been plagued with for years. I am already noticing that I am not having some of the digestive issues that used to be commonplace for me.

Tonight was a hard night at the meeting. Our regular leader is on vacation so Steve takes over while she is gone. I like him. He keeps the meeting short and sweet and is a nice guy. however, tonight he said something that felt a little harsh and really kind of hurt. When he saw that I gained and then noticed the two weigh-ins before, he said that even though .4 isn't a number to be alarmed by he noticed a pattern and wanted to know what was going on. I responded, "Stress." I have been stressed. Driving 18 hours each way to Georgia and back is not a walk in the park. Dealing with my husband going overseas makes me a little crazy and fighting with a weight-loss plateau makes me want to pull my hair out. When I get stressed, I stop losing weight, even if I am watching what I eat and exercising, it just all stops, which stresses me out more. This is what has been going on and why the scale has not been my friend. Steve's response to my one word answer was, "Well, maybe we should find ways other than food to deal with our stress." I HAVEN'T BEEN OVER EATING. Have I had an extra snack or two? Yes, but I have been staying within my weekly points. I know he was trying to be helpful but jumping to that conclusion and making that statement was like a knife in my chest. I felt so defeated and really did not want to be at the meeting anymore. It didn't help that my friend's husband became a lifetime member tonight because he hit his goal and maintained it for 6 weeks. He only had 30 lbs to lose but for me, becoming a lifetime member seems like it is a lifetime away.

I've really been struggling with all of this and really trying to push through it. In the past, every time I have tried to lose weight, this is where I quit. I decided that it really was impossible and I walked away. Every time I have tried to lose weight I have hit this same road block around the same time. I lose 15-25 lbs and then it all stops. I stall out, get discouraged, and quit. This time I am not letting myself stop but that doesn't change the fact that it is hard to move forward. I'm trying to really buckle down and get even more serious so that I can start making better progress. I really want to change, I really want to be a better person, but it is really hard when you feel like you have run face first into a brick wall. I'm going to break through but it is going to take time.

Update: I just recorded my measurements and I have lost a total of 18 inches all over, 8 of those are around my waist and 5 of that have been since I stopped "losing weight." Even though I am not seeing it on the scale, my body is still getting smaller.

Lost Another One

I have lost yet another follower. I want to get new people not lose them. Sorry if my posts haven't been all rainbows and sunshine lately. This journey is not always going to be fun. That is why I used the word battles in the name. It is a war I have been fighting all my life and right now, I'm losing a little ground. Hopefully soon I will rally and start a new charge.

I had a bad run tonight. I'm not feeling great and it showed. My legs are tight and my ankle is KILLING me. It was just a bad night. I'm thinking about trying to swim a few laps tomorrow. It will just take a lot for me to actually go to the pool. The last time I went to a post pool I had a panic attack and had to leave. Swimming in front of a bunch of soldiers is not easy for someone my size.

Hopefully, my weigh-in tomorrow will go well and Friday's run will be better.

Here's hoping!

Quick Update

My husband is gone for a week or so and everything is a little out of whack. I have been keeping up with my run training even though I am on my own. It is going well. It is getting touch though. my run intervals are getting longer and my legs are feeling it. I know they are getting stronger but the process is a little painful.

I'm not sure how the weight thing is going. I was down a few lbs the end of last week but then I had a lot of stuff going on this past weekend so now it is a little iffy. Hopefully I will have a good weigh-in this week but I am not really expecting it.


Everything is just off when Mac is gone. The deployment is not going to be fun once it gets here.

"Most People are Born Barefoot"

"And some are smart enough to stay that way."

This is part of a conversation my husband and I had on my light run tonight. The title was spoken by my husband and the next was my response.

While I was at the Peachtree Expo I picked up a pair of Reebok RealFlex shoes. I wanted a more minimalist shoe to wear during the times I wanted a little more cushioning than Vibrams. I like how flexible and light they are. They are super comfortable and I wore them while we walked around Atlanta and my feet never hurt.

Since I was doing a lighter run tonight, I decided to try them out. I want to wear my Vibrams most of the time but every now and then when my ankle flares up, it is nice to have more support. I came to the conclusion that I just need to stop wearing shoes. I really need to stick to Vibrams for my running. Is this the best course for everyone? No. Is it the best thing for me? Absolutely. After 2 intervals I started to get a familiar pain in my left foot. This pain as occurred every time I have gone for a run in running shoes but never happens in my Vibrams.

I have always had problems with shoes. It is hard for me to find any that don't make my feet hurt. I love cute and sexy high heels but I really can't wear them very much because they kill my feet. All of this is because of one thing. I go barefoot ALL the time. I always have. If I'm not barefoot, I'm in flip flops. I have walked barefoot for so long that my feet do not respond well to shoes. They are strong and callused and mine. When I was in college I was even known to go to class barefoot. Because of all this, it is no surprise that barefoot running is what works best for me. Now does that mean I am crazy enough to run around without any shoes at all? No. There are too many things that can tear up your feet. That is why I love my Vibrams.

I will review the two pair I own, the Bikilas and the Komodo Sports, at a later date but tonight's run proved that I am making the right decision.  My husband did not grow up barefoot like I did but he has successfully transitioned into Vibrams and loves them. He still uses his regular running shoes for PT(thanks to the new regulation) but he wears his Vibrams every chance he gets.

(Ah, sadness, I lost a follower. When you only have 24 it is noticeable when the number falls.)

Moving Forward

I just finished my run for the night. It was hot and difficult. I struggled some with the intervals but I did the best I could. I stopped after 7 reps instead of doing all 8 because my legs were getting very tired and I was so hot. I kept missing a step because I wasn't picking my foot up high enough and scuffing it on the ground. I was worried that if I tried to push through the last interval I would trip myself up and fall.

Wednesdays run is supposed to have intervals that are twice as long as tonight's. I don't know if I am going to be able to go to that level just yet. I am going to give it a try but if I feel like it is pushing too hard, I will back down to tonight's plan.

I have found my next race I think. I want to get in a qualifying race before November 1st so I can email it in for the Tink. I found out about a Labor Day 10K in Atl at the expo but while looking at info for it online, I found out they also do one in Macon on Labor Day. I have friends in Macon. I went to college there. It is much more convenient. I won't have to get up as early. I will be able to find a place to shower right after and then Rachel and I can still go dress shopping for the party. The registration is cheaper and it is a chip timed course so I can still turn in my time if it is good enough. The next thing I will have to figure out is how I am getting home. Do I want to go through the hassle of driving or do I drop a little more cash and fly. I will probably wait until right before and do the Priceline thing. If the take my bid I fly, if not, I drive. We'll see. It is nice having a smaller short-term goal to work towards again. 

Weight Watchers Mondays are Moving

We are no longer doing the link-up on Mondays but I want to continue having a weekly weight watchers related post. Since I don't feel the need to keep it on Monday anymore, I am going to move it to Thursdays now.

It makes more sense to me since I go to meetings on Thursdays and that is when I weigh-in.


So WW Mondays are no more but look forward to WW Thursdays instead.

Feeling Great (and a review)

Just after midnight, I finished my first workout in almost 3 weeks and I feel GREAT. I did not expect it to go this well considering the illness and then long break. Man is it encouraging to have a night like tonight. We were walking home from some friends' house and noticed that it was the coolest(87 degrees at midnight) evening we've had in a while and since I have been needing to start up my training again, I figured it was the perfect time.

I had worn my new running skirt(what my review is of) to dinner to show Maggie so all I had to do was throw on my new vibrams(I'll review these later) and head out the door. I was very nervous because it has been a while and I wasn't sure how I was going to do. I am starting a new plan but it starts out the same as my old with 1/1 intervals during my first few workouts. About 3 intervals in, I was shocked at how short a minute felt. I felt great after ever run interval and it was much easier than I expected. Of course my lungs protested some but my body felt good. I didn't start feeling tired until my 8th or 9th interval. When I finished up I checked my phone to submit my workout and saw that my average pace was 14:43. That is including my walking. I have never seen it less than 16:00 when I include the walking intervals. I was SHOCKED. I got home and checked my pace graph and all 3 of my first intervals were under a 10 minute mile. I really couldn't believe it. I know that as I add more time and distance my pace will slow back down but knowing that I am capable of a faster pace even this early in the game is very encouraging. My biggest problem right now is still the heat. It is KILLING me. Hopefully I can start forcing myself to get up and run in the early mornings since I know it will feel much better.

Now for the review. At the end of my workout I realized I had not noticed my skirt the entire run. That is a GREAT thing. That means it was comfortable and didn't ride up my legs. I told you a while back that I really liked the Old navy skirt that I picked up but hated the shorts underneath because they wouldn't stay down. I've had so many problems finding a skirt that works for me until now. I had read many reviews and such about SparkleSkirts and I looked at the skirts online but I was afraid to order one because of not knowing how it would fit. I was encouraged that they actually carry plus size skirts but still really wanted to try one on before buying. I had decided that I would just wait until the Princess next year since I knew they were at the expo this year. I signed up for their email newsletter anyway and boy am I glad I did.

In June, I received a newsletter talking about a new limited edition skirt they were making for the 4th. It is red, white and blue and I loved it. I like their actual sparkly skirts but for every day training, I really wanted something "calmer." Well, the Kaboom skirt has a fun pattern and lots of color but isn't sequined so it is a little more understated. I read on to find out that they were going to have them on hand at the Peachtree Road Race Expo the weekend before the 4th. this just happened to be during the time we would be in Georgia visiting family. We decided to plan a day in Atl so that I could go to the expo and we could go to a Braves game. We finally found their booth at the expo and I met Leah, the owner of SparkleSkirts. She was very sweet and very helpful and loved my shirt.(it has the 13.1 picture from the side on it) They had the skirt I wanted in the size I needed and I was able to try it on. It fit GREAT.

It has an awesome pocket on the waistband with a zipper that is plenty big enough for my phone. I have a Droid X so it is a very large phone and there is still room to spare. I had my phone in there on my run tonight and I almost forgot it was there. It was so comfy and fit great up against my body, no bouncing at all. The tech shorts underneath are AMAZING. They have bands around the bottom of each leg that help hold them in place. Each leg also has a large pocket on the side that would be great for gels or chews or anything you needed to carry during your run. I also like the fact the the shorts and skirt are longer than most.  The skirt is made much fuller than most running skirts so it hides all of the trouble areas that some running skirts seem to highlight. It was light and comfy and a great investment. When I first saw how much the skirts were, I was a little apprehensive though they are about average for a running skirt, around $62, or you can buy them without the shorts underneath and wear your own for around $30. I was seriously considering the just skirt because I am cheap and hate to spend money but I am so glad I opted for the SparkleTech because it really is a great skirt.

Here is a pic from the newsletter to show you the skirt and the pockets on the legs.

I LOVE the peacock pattern in the SparkleTech. I saw the black and white version at the expo and really liked it but I did not see the color version until just now on-line. I think it is super cute. I will definitely be purchasing more in the future as my size goes down and I have to replace the one I have now. Leah told me about an awesome fabric she found that she wants to make skirts for the Tink with and I hope she does. I will definitely have to have one for that race.