Honesty Time - There's a Reason It's Called a Battle

I have not been doing so hot lately. I have truly been on the verge of just giving up completely. I'm been frustrated and upset and just completely discouraged. I've been making excuses and trying to fake it but the reality is I just feel defeated. I haven't seen any real results in a while and I am just having a very hard time with it.

Part of the last two weeks I have been blaming on The company and party we had last weekend. That really did have an affect on everything but not for the reasons people think. It wasn't just because they were here and we were hanging out and having a good time. It was mostly because I was so down on myself that I really just let everything go. I love that they came, and I had a ton of fun with them and at the party. But I have been having a really hard time since the party. I have really just hidden from the world. Partly because I have been sick, but mostly because I have been ashamed. All of my friends that were here have been posting pictures of the party and they make me cringe. Everyone talks about how great I looked and how awesome my dress was and I think they are all just lying to me to make me feel better. I see those pictures and all I want to do is cry. How did I let myself get to this place. How did I let it get so bad that after losing almost 30 lbs I still look that horrible. It really just breaks my heart. My best friend from home was trying to tell me that I need to look past all of that and see the beautiful person that I am but I can't. I'm just not in a place where that is possible right now.

I am trying to fight back. I am trying to keep going. I ran tonight for the first time in 2 weeks. It was good, not great, but good. I'm restarting the Galloway program just in time to finish it at the Princess. The Tinkerbell will be one of my long runs. I'm really having to dig deeply to pull out the strength to keep moving forward because right now, all I really want to do is quit.

I've said several times that the only way I am going to be successful is to be completely honest and that is exactly what this post is.

I still want to write a recap post about the weekend and the party and I will, hopefully this weekend. I will even include a few pics. I will also post about the crazy trip my husband and I will be going on soon. It's our anniversary present to each other and I am so excited.

Until then, I wish you all the success in the world on your personal journey and an understanding that it is not always easy.