Forward Motion

So I just did my workout for the day and cried when I was done.

I have been so scared of starting back because of how long it has been since I did my last workout and how sick I was two weeks ago. I was so afraid I wasn't going to be able to do it or that I was going to be starting from scratch. I pushed myself harder than ever before and I was shocked at how well I did. I was exhausted and I had to stop a few times but I did it. I was able to do more than I expected to do and at a higher intensity. I was so happy when I was done that I actually started to cry.

It was good to get that first workout out of the way. I was supposed to start back last week but I let my whirlwind trip to Georgia keep me derailed a little longer. It was a good excuse but the real reason was that I was scared. After the sinus infection and medication issues and all that went along with all of that, I was completely sidelined for two weeks. I tried to workout a couple of times while I was sick or on the stronger meds and I just couldn't do it. My body was not able to handle it all at once. Not doing ANYTHING for two full weeks scared the crap out of me and so I ended up spending another week not really doing the things that I should. I ate horribly, sometimes because I didn't have a ton of choices(airports) and other times because I just gave in to the excuses. I can't wait to get back into a better food routine again because I felt like CRAP while I was eating crappy food, imagine that.

It is hitting me how soon it will be before my husband is home and how I haven't done everything I had planned during this deployment. I am not letting that get me down though. I do better when Mac is here with me. he is my best friend and my biggest supporter. Plus when he gets home we will start training for the Princess so we will be working out together. I'm going to do my best to make a difference during the final weeks of this deployment and then continue to work hard once he is home.


I was talking with a couple friends the other day and I mentioned the goal that I set for myself to be in better shape by my 30th birthday. It hit me that my 30th birthday is closer than I would like but I still have about 8 months to really make a big change. I am so much more confident of that fact as I sit here now than I have ever been before.

Finding Myself

I have come to realize during this journey that I have been slowly losing pieces of myself over the last few years. Things that I once loved have been missing from my life for quite a while and I want to get them back. My lack of self confidence and self worth have bled over into other areas and robbed me of the things that once brought me joy.

My insecurities with my physical appearance and ability have tainted my feelings towards things that I once loved and felt good about. I've always been a creative person and found outlets in things like photography and crafting. I used to build things all the time and it has been forever since I have truly created anything. I have let my photography slip onto the back burner because I felt that I wasn't as talented as I once believed and therefore I shouldn't continue. I miss having these creative outlets and though I have had a million ideas, I have not followed through for fear of failure and rejection and allowing my insecurities to win.

I've decided to take steps to bring these things back into my life. As I do that, I may end up talking about them here. No this isn't a part of my diet or workout routine but it is a part of finding myself which is the number one thing that has to happen if I want to succeed. I have a lot going on over the next two months. I hope to find the time and energy to get it all done and share it with you. I am trying to fill my time to keep me from going crazy during the last weeks of this deployment.

I want to feel like me again.