Going through a valley

Any weight loss journey, like life, is full of peaks and valleys. You have your highs and lows with eating, working out, routines, emotions, motivation and confidence. Unfortunately, this valley in my weight loss journey has been deepened by an annual struggle. For close to a decade, I have dealt with seasonal depression. Every year, just before Thanksgiving I feel it start to creep in. In the past few years, I have been prepared for it and managed to deal with it pretty well. However, this year it has pulled me in to a darker place again. This darkness is where a lot of my weight struggles really began to get out of control. I've seen pieces of that old me and I don't like it.

I think a lot of it started with the huge disappointment I felt after the Tower of Terror 10 miler. I know there are reasons I should be happy with that race but the reality is, I was not happy with it because I knew I was capable of doing so much better. I was so incredibly frustrated with the fact that I was better trained and better prepared for that race than any other race I have done, yet I still struggled and almost quit.

I had been training all summer for that race and I felt like it was for nothing. I knew I was going to need a little break after the race but my disappointment with myself and the struggles of late fall turned that little break into a back slide I didn't see coming. There have been several times during the past year that I have either not run as regularly or not watched my nutrition as well and it didn't hurt me too badly. Typically if I let one or the other slide, I didn't really gain, I simply maintained.

Unfortunately, after ToT, I let both slide, and not just for a week or two like I had planned, but I have ignored them both for the last two months and that has caused some problems. I have still been running from time to time. Hell, I did a half marathon in November, but I haven't been running as much as I should. Couple that with eating whatever I wanted and you have a recipe for adding some pounds back on and it sucks.

At first, it was just a pound or two and I didn't really care. Then it was 5 and I still knew I could get back on track. Now it's 10 and I'm hating myself for it.(Which can be a formula for it to keep going up.) I recognize the problem, but I'm having a hard time fixing it. I know how, it's just hard taking that step. I feel so disappointed and ashamed that I have stumbled, and though I realize that stumbling is a natural part of this journey, I'm still having a hard time righting myself. I'm having a hard time pulling myself up from the darkness.

I know that if I get back into a good fitness routine, it will naturally help me deal with the depression. Unfortunately, the depression is sucking all motivation to do anything out of me. The holidays are so hard for staying on track anyway. Not because I am tempted by foods or anything, but because our daily lives are turned upside down.

For Mac and I to see family for the holidays, it requires us to drive the 15 hours home to visit everyone. It's hard to get in a workout before or after being in the car that long. And eating well on the road isn't easy. Then we are in a different environment. I don't have my usual running routes or the safety that being on post offers. I don't have the space or equipment to do the same things at my parents' house that I could do in my own home. Plus, we are driving here and there every few days to make sure we see everyone while we are there. It is utterly exhausting but our only option if we want to see people because they aren't coming to us.  We will be home for two weeks this year and we will be going non stop the entire time. Finding time to work out or focus on eating better tends to go out the window. Because I know how hard this trip is going to be, I feel defeated already and like there is no point to even try until we get back to Texas in January.

But then I remember that while we are home, we are doing a half marathon and it freaks me out. Honestly, I'm not incredibly worried about it because it is the Biggest Loser Run/Walk Half so it has a very generous time limit and I know that if I had to, I could just walk the entire thing. I know that my body can do the miles even though I haven't done any double digits since Rock 'n' Roll. I know that I may be slower than I wanted, but I can finish.

I'm trying to get refocused for Tink. I have four weeks until those races and I know that if I focus, I can be successful there. I'm just having trouble getting out the front door to do the training I need to do. I'm fighting a lot of self doubt because of what happened in October.

I'm not looking for pity or advice on what I need to do. I know what I have to do and I know how to do it. The demons I'm fighting are of a personal kind and nothing any one else can say or do is going to change that. The only person other than myself that could possibly help is my husband because he goes on the runs with me and keeps me distracted but he has been gone for the past week and I hope to get that first longer run back out there done before he gets home tomorrow.

I made a commitment when I started this blog that I was going to be honest so that's what I am doing here. Things aren't pretty and happy right now, they are just real. I know that I will be successful again and that I will eventually reach my goals. However, right now, getting through this valley will take all of the strength I have and until I'm on the other side this is where my focus needs to be.

Missing Race Recaps

I know that I have 3 races that I need to write up recaps for but I just haven't had a chance to get it done yet. Hopefully I will find a minute to do it soon. I finished my 4th half marathon just a week ago and I need to talk about it, the 10K I did the week before and I still need to hash out everything that happened at Tower of Terror. I know I have talked a little about what the race was like but I haven't really gone through a true recap of it for you(and me).

I haven't been running quite as regularly because races mean a little break from training but I am hoping to do the Runner's World Holiday Run Streak and run everyday from Thanksgiving until New Year's Day to help me get back in the groove and to keep me going as I prepare for my next few races. I had big plans of two half marathons in December but the first one has been scratched from the schedule. For one reason, I don't need to spend the race fee for another, my husband will be on the other side of the world and I don't feel like being the last finisher at a small local half with no one there for me at the end. So instead I will do the free Holiday 5K that is on post the same day.


I'll try to get all of my race recaps done before then.

Stronger

Did I really just do that?!?

I just ran for 30 minutes straight.

As most of you know, I always do run/walk intervals for my long runs and races(and basically every time I run.) I also haven't ran in a few weeks(since right after the Tower of Terror 10 miler) so I decided to go for a quick run tonight. I haven't been feeling well so I wasn't planning on doing too much. I have been very pleased with my new method of running for 10 minutes straight then walking 4-5 minutes at the beginning of a run to help warm up quicker and have a better run. Because I have done this with all of my runs lately, I knew I could run 10 minutes even though it has been about a month since I have done long intervals. I want to get back into doing longer intervals on my short runs to help my shorter intervals during races and long runs. So tonight, I set the intervals on my Garmin to 10 minutes running, 4 minutes walking.

We headed over to the PT track near our neighborhood to avoid the cloud of cigarette smoke I would have to run through if I stayed in the neighborhood. The track is a 0.4 mile loop so 5 laps makes 2 miles. As I was running my first 10 minutes, I started to think about how it would be close to a full mile so I might as well run the extra half lap to do a mile straight. As I approached the end of the mile I thought, "Why not just do 3 laps?" As I closed in on the end of three laps, I decided to try to run two miles straight. When I told Mac I was hoping to do two miles, he responded that he thought I was trying to test myself and see if I could run for 30 minutes straight. I had thought about it but I thought there was no way I could do it. I decided to see how I felt at the end of two miles and decide then.

I hadn't done an interval longer than 12 minutes since May which was the last(and first) time I ran 30 minutes straight. I had been working back up to longer intervals before Tower of Terror but I stopped after 12 minutes because life got in the way and I was frustrated that the Garmin won't let you set an interval longer than 10 minutes. So I was using the watch for GPS and my phone for  intervals on any run with an interval longer than 10 minutes.

When I started running tonight, I knew I could do a mile without walking. As I ran, I felt like I could do two miles but I wasn't sure about a full 30 minutes. As I finished up the second mile, I saw that I was just over 24 minutes. If I wanted to run 30 minutes, I had to find 6 more minutes in me somewhere. Like I said earlier, I haven't been feeling well this week thanks to sinus pressure and pain. It hadn't bothered me too bad during the run but I was starting to feel a slight headache. With five minutes to go, I finally thought that maybe I could really do it. It was going to take a lot but if I kept pushing, I could make it through. At the 26 minute mark, I was starting to really feel it in my legs. I had not slowed down much in the last half of the run and I was afraid that if I eased up then, I would stop. Three minutes left, I knew I could do it, I just had to focus on one foot in front of the other. Two minutes to go, it hit me that I was actually going to finish the 30 minutes. With only one minute left, I turned the corner and set my sights on the other end of the stretch. I knew I should be able to cover it in a minute. Just as I was trying to find the power to keep pushing, "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson came on Pandora.

For any of you that ran the 2012 Princess, you know that this was the mile 7 song. That day was the first time I had really listened to it and though the verses may not have much to do with running, the chorus is the perfect anthem to help you push through. As she sang, "footsteps even lighter" I fought back a few tears and picked up my pace. I only had 30 seconds left to reach a goal that at the beginning on the night felt impossible. As she sang, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," I started to cry and I stopped my Garmin because I had done it. I ran for 30 minutes straight. I looked down and saw that I had gone just over 2.5 miles. I was ecstatic and  a little over come with emotion.

Part of me felt like I could have kept going. That maybe I could have done 3 miles, but part of me was spent. I walked a little while and then ran the last quarter of a mile to our house. When I got to our front door, I knew 3 miles was a challenge for another day. I felt good but I also felt tired. I came in, uploaded my run and fixed the map because it always has me running across a roof or two at some point. When everything was right, I had ran 2.56 miles in 30 minutes. I had an average pace of 11:43minute/mile. I decided to look up the last time I ran 30 minutes in May. I ran just over two miles with an average pace of 14:43minute/mile. I took 3 minutes off of my pace. That is HUGE for that short of a period of time.

It's crazy how much stronger I have become in the last year. I keep having new experiences all the time. I have had to buy new jeans a few times this year because I have dropped a size. Even though the scale is still around the same place, I have continued to see my body change. I look forward to opportunities to get dressed up and show off the progress I have made. I am realizing that even though I haven't stuck to my eating plan as closely as I should the last few weeks, I'm still doing OK. As I start getting back into a regular running schedule, I know the food will start to fall back into place as I begin to fuel my body for these runs. I'm excited about the prospect of shopping for a ball gown for the next military ball we have in December. I am finally realizing wholeheartedly that I can do this and that I am doing this and that I will succeed. No, the time line may not have been what I wanted or hoped but it is all coming together and I feel like I am unstoppable.


I think it is also kind of fitting that this is my 200th post. Seems like a pretty good line up of milestones. 

Confidence dashed

I am feeling a little better now that I have gotten my first post race run in but before that, I was feeling like I really am crazy for the things I am planning to do. Tower of Terror did not go as planned and it made it really hard to look ahead to all of the races on my calendar and feel optimistic. Fortunately, I am pretty sure I know what went wrong with the race and I should be able to avoid it in the future. I will post a full race recap soon.

I think my biggest problem was it was a night race. I know that seems silly since I always run at night but when I know I have a long run, I try to go easy earlier in the day. That is a little harder to do when you are at Disney and you want to enjoy it during the short time you are there. Even though I didn't do too much on Saturday, I spent a lot of time standing and I knew the more I stood, the less prepared my feet would be for that night. We ended up waiting almost an hour for a ferry which meant standing and then we tried to hit Test track quickly before leaving(since we had a fast pass) but it broke down and we were stuck standing in  line waiting on them to let us out. Plus all of the walking between the places we went meant I spent more time on my feet Saturday than I should. At least with a morning race, I spend 4-5 hours at least in bed before the race so my feet can rest. With Tower of Terror, I may have gotten a chance to sit for about an hour before heading to the race and then I sat in the corral as much as I could but it still wasn't enough. By about mile five of the race, my feet were done and the last half of the course was very painful.

My time ended up being about 20 minutes slower than the ten mile run Mac and I did here before I left. It really just disappointed and frustrated me. I knew I had trained better. I knew I had worked out my nutrition and I was better prepared for this race. But I did some stupid things during the day that made my race that night suffer. It was hard to face.

Last night I finally sucked it up and went out for my first run since being home. I wasn't sure how far I was going to go but it ended up being about 4 1/2 miles. My legs could have gone further but I hadn't eaten enough and I got really hungry so we headed home. It felt good to get it out of the way. It wasn't a great run since the humidity was around 100%(it rained off and on) but the temps weren't too high so it was bearable just not comfortable. We have a cold front coming through this week so I am looking forward to how it will feel next weekend when we tackle 11 miles. I have to keep moving forward because I still have a half marathon to run in 5 weeks and several more to run after that.

Confidence Boost

Tonight was my "dress rehearsal" for the Tower of Terror 10 miler, full costume and all. I wanted to be sure that I could actually run in the costume I wanted to wear and not want to ditch it half way through the race. Everything went much better than I expected and now I feel much more confident about the race being only two weeks away.

This was actually the first time I have ever ran the race distance in my training. I usually run close to the actual distance in training for half marathons but never actually run 13 miles before race day. I went back and forth about whether I would actually do 10 miles before ToT but I am glad I decided to do it. I knew that I could go ten miles because I have done 8 in plenty of time. I knew that even if I got tired I could finish the distance by walking without worrying about my time. If I had done my 9 mile run last weekend, I don't know that I would have done 10 this week. I'm glad I took the week off. I think my body really enjoyed it. I felt great on my run tonight even though I didn't do any of my regular training this week. I knew that I had built a strong enough base that taking some time off wouldn't hurt me.

The weather ended up being perfect tonight. I can only hope that it would be similar on race day but I know that even if it isn't, I am prepared. We had a front come through this week that gave us a lot of rain but also seriously dropped the temps. It was around 75 when I ran tonight with a low humidity so it felt AMAZING. I know that it really helped with how my run felt. For the first time I didn't get too hot half way through. I know that the humidity will be higher in Florida but as long as the temps aren't too high, I will be fine. With all of the water stations they have, I can dump some water on my head if I start feeling a little warm unlike here where I have to search for sprinklers to cool me off.

It's amazing how much more confident I am now with my running than a two years ago or even just last year. Finally figuring out my nutrition and losing as much weight as I have in the past year has helped tremendously. Tower of Terror will be the first race I will run under 200lbs and I am excited to see how it turns out.

_________________________________



Yes, I am officially in One-derland now. I have been wanting to post about it and I have technically been under 200 for a couple weeks now. I did not post about it at first because for a few days it went back and forth. Then when I was pretty sure I was done with 200, mother nature reared her ugly head and I gained about 5 lbs of water weight. Now that I am back to normal, I am back under 200 and hopefully I will never see that on  the scale for me again. I still have a ways to go but I am getting a little closer every day.

Some time off

Even though I had a really great run last Thursday, I decided to take some time off. We went to Dallas Friday afternoon so I could attend an event with Shaun T on Saturday. The plan was to get in 9 miles when we got home Saturday night. The event began around 9 am and included an hour long live workout with Shaun T. It was awesome and EXHAUSTING as his workouts always are, but it made start questioning my plan to run that night. Once the event was over and we were headed home, later than expected, my resolve to run that night began to fade. I was beat. I never really sleep in the car anymore yet I slept the entire 3 hour drive home and was still tired once we got home. I decided to wait and try to run on Sunday morning. I set my alarm and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up two hours after my alarm was supposed to go off. I forgot I set the alarm to vibrate only and so I never heard it. The more I thought about it the more I thought some time off was a good idea. I've been pushing pretty hard and getting in a lot of long runs. Skipping one wasn't going to kill me.

The weather is finally starting to shift here and as great as that is, it also means fighting allergies and the possibility of getting sick. There have been several nights this week that I have had a scratchy throat. I ended up taking the entire week off to try to help keep from getting sick and just to give my body a break. I have a lot of miles planned for this weekend and I want to make sure I have a chance to get them in since it will be the confidence boost I need to feel ready for the Tower of Terror 10 miler.

It's not unusual for me to just take a week off for no reason. Every now and then, your body just needs a break and I always seem to run better after the time off. Hopefully that will hold true for this weekends run. It will basically be a dress rehearsal for ToT and will help me make some last minute decisions about what I am wearing for the race.

It only takes one great run...

to remind me why I started running and continue to do it.

Tuesday night was one of those great runs that helped pull me out of the most recent valley I found myself in with running. My journey has been up and down from the start and I've spent a long time this week thinking about how far I have come.

My running journey has not been easy. It hasn't been pretty or overly "successful" in normal running terms. It has been slow, and painful and a long hard road. Just over three years ago, an online friend posted about the Princess Half marathon and asked if there were any other Army wives that wanted to join her at the 2011 race. I was very over weight, had never enjoyed running but desperate to find something that would help me find the athlete I used to be, so I said yes. I was too mentally defeated to train like I should have and so I quit trying. I forced myself to go to the start that morning and give it a try and that is when the journey of 8 miles set me on the path to finding the love of  running I have today.

After being swept at that race but realizing it was in fact possible, I came home with a new perspective and determination to try again and finish the race.  A few weeks after Princess, I walked my first 5K on post. Then I started Couch to 5K but switched to the Weight Watchers 5K plan soon after because it just felt better to me. Even though I liked the plan and found some success with it, it was not easy. Any time the run intervals got really long, I had trouble with my calves tightening up. If I kept trying to run with my calves tight, I would eventually lose feeling in my toes or feet because my calves were so tight they were cutting off the circulation. That was when I decided that trying to run an entire 5k, let alone a half marathon probably wasn't going to happen. So I switched up to Jeff Galloway's run/walk intervals. I realized that if I did intervals, I felt better for longer and actually was faster than trying to run straight through. The one time I almost ran an entire 5K, I ran an 18 minute mile. That is walking for most people. When I did another 5K a few months later with intervals, I finished with a 16 minute mile average pace. That was very encouraging since that was the required pace for RunDisney events.

I became confident enough that I signed up to do the Inaugural Tinker Bell half marathon a month before my second attempt at Princess. I began training more seriously with the intervals after that and started finding more success. I was still slow, but I was just barely fast enough. I tried a 10K which didn't start out great but I still finished with around a 16mpm  pace. I did more 5ks on post and tried to stick to my training more. When Mac deployed in November, three months before Tink, it got a little harder for me to stay on track. I had done all of my training with him and not having him there made it hard. Plus dealing with all of the emotions of saying good-bye to the love of my life for a year just before the holiday season is tough enough all by itself. I didn't stick to the schedule as well as I should but I still made sure to get in my long runs. Finally time for Tink rolled around and I finished. It wasn't pretty, and it wasn't fun but I finished. My run time was over the required pace per mile and suggested finish time but since I wasn't in the last corral, I had the cushion I needed to complete it. A month later, I did the same at Princess and earned my Coast to Coast medal. I was proud of myself but also a little disappointed that even after all that hard work, I was still slow.

I came home and started to take it easy. I completed a 10 miler in April and then did the Expedition Everest challenge in May. After that, I took a break from running for a while. I tried to find other ways to work out but nothing really seemed to stick. Finally in August of 2012, I ran another 5K on post. I was glad that I hadn't really lost any ground and actually set a PR for my 5K time that day. I started getting back into running every now and then because once Mac came home in November, we had to start training for the next Princess. I was still slow, but just slightly faster than I had been. I trained harder and more consistently and had really high hopes for the 2013 Princess. Unfortunately, 3 weeks before the race, I was misdiagnosed with a severe wheat allergy. My world was turned upside down and I was told that I could die if I accidentally ate wheat after it was all out of my system. This sent me into full on panic mode and for the next month, while I waited to be seen by the post allergist for confirmation, I could barely eat. I was so scared to eat anything. Because of this, I had a full blown panic attack at Disney the night before the race and barely managed to eat half an order of rice and part of a pork chop.(Disney is amazing with all allergies but I was just scared) That meant the next morning, my body had NO FUEL to use for the race and I am surprised I even managed to finish. My finishing time was 10 minutes SLOWER than the year before. It was heartbreaking.

Once we were back and I found out I wasn't going to die if I ate wheat(I'm not even allergic at all) I was able to relax and start focusing on changing my diet. I still eat mostly gluten free but that is because I have found greater success losing weight by eating this way. It forces me to reduce my carb intake and make better choices on the days I am fueling up for a run. I took a few months off after Princess to focus on the other parts of my weight-loss journey that I had neglected. Finally in April, I decided to try the WW5K program again in hopes of being able to run a full 30 minutes on my 30th birthday in May. The program was so much easier that time around. I didn't have the muscle cramping issues I had before as the intervals increased and I finally ran my first full 30 minutes. I was faster too. I'm still slow by most standards but I ran a mile in just over 12 minutes one night and that was a HUGE deal. Just a few weeks ago after completing Insanity,  I ran my fastest mile in just under 11 minutes. My average for longer runs has been 13:30-14:30 mpm.

Unfortunately, right after I saw so much success, I hit another valley. My runs were harder and slower than they should have been. Weather was making it tough, monthly issues got in the way and I just had a few weeks where I really questioned why I even tried. I was starting to get really down about all of it and feeling like I wasn't really getting anywhere. Finally, Tuesday night, the stars aligned and I had a GREAT run. It was one of my week day 4 mile runs so nothing too strenuous but still a good distance. The weather was amazing(with the exception of a little too much humidity) and I was reminded that fall is quickly approaching. I was doing longer run intervals thanks to once again trying to use the WW5K plan to build back up to running 30 minutes.This was my second run using the 10 minute intervals. The first time I did them last week, I only completed two repetitions instead of the 3 I was supposed to do. Tuesday's run really was a huge turn around from the week before. The first 10 minute run interval was tough but I made it to the end and walked out the little bit of tightness that had started. By the second 10  minute interval, I felt good. I was only supposed to repeat the 10 minute intervals 3 times and then switch back to the shorter intervals I normally use but I decided to keep going as long as I felt good. Before I knew it, I had done 5 ten minute intervals and ran 4.3 miles. I was done and I felt GREAT.

It was an amazing feeling. Not only had I had a great run, I found out how to deal with one issue I seem to always have with my runs. I have always HATED short runs because it typically takes me 2-3 miles to get warmed up so if it is a short run, I never really feel like I am warm and running my best. In the first mile or so, I always deal with a little tightness in my calves until they get nice and warm and stop protesting. With my run on Tuesday, I experienced that tightness within my first 10 minute interval and by the time that I walked it out and started running again, I was loose and warm and ready to go. The rest of the run felt great. I'm going to keep testing this theory with my longer runs but I am planning to run 10 minutes at the beginning, walk 3-5 minutes to loosen back up and then start my standard intervals after that. If it continues to work the way it did on Tuesday night, I may have a brand new outlook on short runs. I'll keep you posted as time goes on.

One thing I have learned through my journey thus far is that every one's run journey is there own. No two are alike. No one training plan is perfect for every one and even the ones that work for you might need to be tweaked here or there to help you reach your potential. There is also no definitive measurement of success or failure. If you are giving your all and lacing up over and over again, you will find your own success. Some people talk about walking in races like it is the worst thing a person could possibly do. For me, it is how I have found my strength and the reason I still run today. Running like anything in life has it's peaks and valleys. Sometimes you find yourself in a dark place but if you keep moving forward, a burst of light will find you when you least expect it.

Running isn't always pretty and sometimes I wonder why I do it, but all it takes is one great run to remind me why I love it.

It's been good and bad lately.

I've been feeling a little frustrated lately because things have been going well with my running and my body is changing a lot. I'm wearing sizes I have never worn before, but the scale is still hovering around the same place. I have crossed over int to One-derland a few times but it keeps yo-yoing so I haven't officially declared myself as under 200(because today, I'm not). My measurements have changed some but I think a lot of where I am noticing changes right now is in areas that I don't really measure. It feels good to be seeing results when I look in the mirror, I just wish the scale would agree with it. Oh well, I know it will come with time. 

There are lots of things I want and need to post about but I just haven't found the time to sit down and figure it all out. I almost lost my computer this week so that didn't help.(We seem to have revived it for now but I am looking at a replacement soon.)

Feeling Good with the New Plan

I'm really liking the new running plan that I am using. It is sort of a hybrid of a few different plans and it isn't something that would have worked for me when I was starting out or even last year but it is perfect for where I am now. One of the huge things that I have learned especially over the last year is that you have to adapt everything to yourself. There is no cookie cutter plan that is perfect for everyone. We are all different and finding what works best for you is part of the learning process. 

You all know I love Galloway and the run/walk method. That has not changed, but with all of the races I have coming up, his plans didn't really fit because I have so many races so close together. That's why I started looking at other things. I saw that RunKeeper has training plans that you can use too so I looked into them. I found the beginner half marathon plan and really liked it. It is NOT FOR THE TRUE BEGINNER because there is a LOT of running and the mileage goes up quickly, but for someone that has been running 5Ks for a while and can easily get in a three mile run without feeling too tired, it is a good plan to help build mileage. With the RunKeeper schedule, you start out running 3 miles, three days a week and then a longer run on the weekend. the first week it is 3, 3, 3 and 4. Then it goes up to 3, 3, 3 and 5. After a while, you change up to 3, 4, 3 and a long run then eventually three 4 mile runs a week plus your long weekend run. One of the things I like about this plan is that it has me running back to back every week. The last shorter run each week and your weekend long runs are on back to back days. Since I am planning to not only do the Glass Slipper Challenge in February(10K Saturday, half on Sunday) I am planning to do the unofficial Pixie Challenge at Tink(10K Saturday, half on Sunday), I figured having back to back runs in my training early on would only help me out with these tasks later. The first week I was a little worried about the back to back runs but I felt good after. I didn't push too hard and I got them both done with decent average paces.

I am also incorporating the Weight Watchers 5K plan that I have used a few times now. I'm using the interval progressions in it to help me build back up to running for 30 minutes(or longer) straight. Even though I plan to continue to use intervals for races and long runs, I want to be able to run 30 minutes so that those intervals feel easier and I can sustain them for longer.  With every double digit run I have done up until now, I have always had to mostly walk after mile 9. I want to be able to keep doing my intervals all the way until the end. I am hoping that building up the the 30 minutes and building my overall endurance will help me to sustain a good 1:1 interval for longer. I started adding in the WW interval progressions to my shorter weekday runs two weeks ago. I did the RunKeeper plan by itself with my normal 1:1 intervals for about a month to help build a good base. This week, my longest intervals were 5:3. They were tough but I made it through .

Right now, Saturdays are my long runs. Since it is hot and I am running at night, we do the back to back runs on Friday and Saturday night so Mac can run with me. Once it starts cooling down(after ToT), we will shift it to Saturday/Sunday runs during the day. Last night, Mac and I got 6 miles in at my normal 1:1 intervals. The intervals felt so short after a week of longer intervals. I felt really good for the entire run except for getting hungry at the end because I didn't eat enough during the day. For the past month I have been doing 5 miles every Saturday but tonight started the steady climb until Tower of Terror Ten Miler. We did 6 tonight and will increase by one mile every week until I drop back for a taper the weekend before the race.I shifted some things around in the RunKeeper plan to fit my race schedule but I am confident that it is going to work out well. I feel like I will be able to have a good strong race if everything continues the way it has been going.

Things are starting to get real but I am feeling really good. This is the first time I have been really excited about where it is all going instead of just forcing myself through it all just to be able to finish. I'm still not fast and I don't expect a stellar finish time at any of these races but I am hoping for good times for me. In the three half marathons I have completed, I have yet to actually finish with a time under the required pace. I am actually confident that at the Tower of Terror Ten Miler, I will finally be able to say I ran "fast enough." I'm really hopeful and that feels really good.

Good Week

I wasn't really sure what this past week was going to be like but it turned out to be a really good week. I was supposed to run 3 miles on Monday night but for whatever reason, that didn't happen. Tuesday, I decided to go out for a short one mile run. I hadn't ran a fast mile in a few weeks so I wanted to see where I was. The last time I did a mile as fast as I could, my finish time was 11:06 on July 22. I was so close to being under 11 minutes so I wanted to try it again. I went out, pushed myself and finished the mile in 10:51. I think I probably could have gone a little faster but it was still so hot that night. It is usually around 80-85 degrees when I run but Tuesday it was still 90 because I ran a little earlier.(9:30 instead of 11:30-midnight)

Wednesday it rained most of the day. That night I decided to go out for my scheduled 3 miles excited that it was only 78 degrees. I got outside and started my warm up. I knew the air felt really thick because of the rain earlier in the day. After my first lap doing intervals, I was SOAKING wet. I checked the weather on my phone and saw that even though the temps were lower, the humidity was at 94%. I was dying. As I finished my second lap and approached the one mile mark, I SERIOUSLY considered just going home. But for some reason, I kept going. It was miserable and the humidity was getting WORSE. It was probably about 99% when I finished my 3 miles. I was glad I got it done and I had a decent pace even though I felt like I was swimming instead of running.Of course, 100 feet from my house, it started raining. If it had started when I started running, it would have been a great run but since it held off, I was fighting climbing humidity the entire time.

I am trying to build back up to being able to run a full 30 minutes again since I did not maintain it after I hit that mark in May.(Mostly due to starting Insanity) I am using the same interval progression that I used last time from the WW 5K program but instead of limiting it to the repetitions on the plan, I am doing them for the duration of my 3 mile runs. I'm going to do this until the intervals get really long later in the plan and then I will just do them for the first 30 or so minutes of the run and then switch back to shorter intervals for the rest. The first few days of the plan call for 1/1 intervals which is my normal and that's what I did for Wednesday. On Thursday, I was set to go up to a 2 minute run, 3 minute walk. I knew this was going to slow down my average pace but I want to build back up so I did it. My fastest mile was run with 1/1 intervals. If I run a mile straight, I am still over 12 minutes and will be for a while I am sure but I also know that if I can start running at least 30 minutes straight for the first part of my weekday runs, my intervals on the long weekend runs will be much stronger because I will have much more endurance. That is why I am building back up.

Thursday night was very similar to Wednesday since it rained all day again but fortunately, it wasn't quite as humid, only about 85%.  I started out by doing one lap in the neighborhood and then decided to venture out to our longer route on the closed road so that I couldn't quit early. As I started out of the neighborhood, I changed my mind. My stomach wasn't feeling 100% and I didn't want to get stuck without an option for a place to stop. Instead of turning right to head to the gate road, I turned left and went to the PT track that is near our neighborhood. It is a 0.4 mile loop around  a few rows of buildings that are used as soldier barracks for international troops. Currently, they are empty so it is a nice and quiet, well lit area to run. Plus since I wasn't running past my house every lap it made quitting early a little harder but I was still close enough that if I needed to, I could get home quickly.  I decided to do a mile and a half around the track before heading back into the neighborhood to finish up the last mile. After finishing my four laps there I did two more in the neighborhood. When I came inside after, I looked like I had been playing in a sprinkler. I was SOAKING wet again and the sweat was pouring down my face. My pace was much slower than usual due to the different intervals but I got the 3 miles done and I was happy.

My normal weekly schedule is 3 miles on Monday, Wednesday and Friday with a longer run on Saturday. I changed things up to Monday, Wednesday and Thursday because of two reasons. We had friends coming into town on Friday and I had decided to run the Hotter than Hades 5K again this year. I knew that it would be best for me to rest Friday night if I wanted to have a good race Saturday morning. I was praying for good weather. 

I ran this race the first time in 2011.  It was hot, humid and I finished at around 55 minutes. In 2012, I decided to run it again and it was hot humid and I finished in 44:28 and it was my first sub 45 5K. This year, the weather was PERFECT. It was only around 70 degrees when the race started and it was a normal morning humidity for TX of around 65%. I felt really good and ready to do it. Mac was actually able to run with me this year which was nice. We started out good even though I had a little hiccup with forgetting to change the intervals in the Garmin so it didn't start tracking us until right after we started since I had to change them. Fortunately, Mac paid attention to the clock time as we went by so I could have an accurate time. I was REALLY hoping for a sub 40 time. I came so close at the July 4th 5K but just missed it(40:25). I knew that if I kept to my intervals and didn't start too fast, I had a good shot. It was crazy how quickly this race seemed to pass. I remember being surprised when we were already done with two miles and I still felt really strong. Doing 5 miles every Saturday for the past 3 weeks has really paid off. The only problem I had that morning was dealing with sweat getting in my eyes and then my ear buds falling when I would take my sunglasses off to wipe it away. I never stopped but it did slow me down a little. Finally when we were headed away from the sun, I just took the sunglasses off and handed them to Mac. Before I knew it, we were down to only two turns and you could see the finish line. I was starting to feel a little tired. I changed up my interval a little so that I could wait and run the last stretch of the course. After making the final turn, I started running again. I got a little aggravated because there was a guy that kept getting in the way and made it hard for me to get by and finish. I knew I needed to finish with a clock time of 40:20 or less for me to hit my goal. Then I noticed that they clock was at around 39:30 and I didn't have far to go. I became determined to finish before the clock hit 40. I finally started speeding up and forced my way past the guy. Mac yelled, "Go, baby!" To which I replied, "I'm going." I sprinted to the finish line and out of the corner of my eye saw 39:59 on the clock. I did it! I finally finished a 5K in less than 40 minutes. My actual time was 39:37. I was so happy. That race has come to mean a lot to me over the last few years. I was glad to pick up a t-shirt this year since they started selling them at the 5Ks instead of raffling them off last year. The 5K is free so paying a little for the shirt doesn't bother me at all. The shirts this year were really cool so Mac and I grabbed one before the race. When we were done and I saw the shirts in the car, I commented that now I have a shirt from my first sub 40 5K.

After the 5K we headed to brunch at a local all natural, very tasty cafe. The food was so good and the protein from the bacon and eggs really hit the spot. We did a little shopping and then hit a farewell bbq for Mac's 1st SGT. I stayed away from all of the crazy sweets they had and focused on the tasty bbq chicken and the awesome pineapple they had. At the end of the day, I still felt really good and the temperature was amazing after the sun went down. I told Mac that I really felt like going for another run and since the schedule had 5 miles on it, that we should at least do two miles. He agreed and we headed out. He road his bike because his legs was bothering him a little and the last thing we need is for his stress fracture to return. I decided I wanted to do 3 miles which we did. When we finished up, I was tired but I still felt good. I basically did a 10K over the course of the day yesterday. My average paces for both runs were pretty good and I felt strong.

I am finally really starting to feel like a runner. I've said that I am a runner for the last two years because I am but I am finally starting to feel it. Most nights, I would dread my runs until I got started. Once I got going I was good but I was always pretty tired when I was done. Now when I am doing these shorter weekday runs, I usually feel pretty good at the end. Even the 5 miles we did last weekend seemed to go by really smoothly. I am finally building a good solid base and I'm at the point where my body can handle it much better. I am becoming very hopeful about the Tower of Terror Ten Miler in 7 weeks. I will finish the 6 week plan to getting to a 30 minute run so I should be nice a strong for my short intervals and I have a good plan for the long runs to help me build up and push back that wall. I'm finally really excited about where my running is going instead of just pushing through and hoping that I will eventually get better at it.

The Emotional Journey

Sometimes I don't think people realize how much of an emotional journey getting healthier and becoming a runner really is. There is so much more to it than just eating right and lacing up your shoes and hitting the pavement. Many times people have emotional demons they have to fight to be able to really make the changes they want. Some people are emotional eaters, and until they can get that under control, there is no hope in sticking to a diet. Some people care too much about what others think and until they can overcome that, they cannot take the steps necessary to get in shape.

For me, the later was my demon. Even though many may think that caring about what others think would drive you to get healthy, many times it is the complete opposite. When you worry so much about the opinions of others, you find yourself hiding out at home on the couch with a bag of chips, not hitting the gym and working out.

The first time I seriously tried to get control of my weight, Mac and I were living in El Paso. He had just commissioned into the Army and we were there for one of his training schools that lasted 5 months. We had been married for just over a year and we were living in a hotel on Fort Bliss. As part of living in the hotel, we had a pass to the indoor pool that just so happened to be across the street from the building we lived in. I decided that I was going to do weight watchers online and start going to the pool every day. Growing up, my grand parents had a pool I spent every hour I could in it. I have always loved swimming so I thought that would be the perfect thing to help me get back into shape.The first day that I walked over to the pool, I had no idea what I was in for. I walked in and there were soldiers in there working out. For some reason, it never dawned on me that there may be soldiers in there in the middle of the day. I changed into my suit and hopped in to the pool. I started swimming laps and after a few minutes, I had to get out. I started having a full blown panic attack. I was crying and hyperventilating which is a really bad thing to do in a pool. I got out of the pool, ran to the locker room, grabbed my stuff and left. I cried all the way back to our room. The reality is, no one said anything to me. No one gave me dirty looks. Nothing that anyone in the pool did triggered this reaction. I was so focused on what they MIGHT think and what I thought of myself that I was literally crippled by fear and shame. I never went back to the pool while we lived there. My efforts to get in shape and lose weight failed soon after and I gained more weight.

I have been living on an Army post for the last 5 1/2 years. There are numerous free gyms and free pools. I can probably count on two hands the number of times I have used a gym here. It's very intimidating to be in a gym with a bunch very fit soldiers. Especially when you have NO IDEA what you are doing. I have never been a gym person. I played sports. Just going to a gym and working out didn't make sense to me. I needed something to work towards and that is one of the reasons I got into running. But I didn't get into that until we had lived here for nearly 3 years. I tried in 2010, but I let my doubts get the best of me. That's what led to the 8 miles I did at Princess 2011. After being swept, I knew that I could do it if I tried. That confidence boost allowed me to settle into running and start down a path to a better life.

Running was easier. It was something I could do by myself. The only bad thing was I hate treadmills so it meant I would have to do it outside. Luckily, I am a night owl and I live on a military installation. It is easier for me to run at night because no one really sees me and I am in a safer environment.(I'm not saying there is no chance of something happening but the likelihood is low and I stay close to home.) Our post has free monthly 5K races that start each March. After my experience at the Princess in 2011, I decided to use these 5Ks to help me train. When I did that first 5k in March less than a month after being swept, I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect and I was afraid that I was going to be judged for being so slow. I was so incredibly wrong. The atmosphere there was so different than I expected. Yes, you had your speedy soldiers and teenagers that were in it to win it but they were greatly outnumbered. There were families with jogging strollers. Families with small kids on bikes. Families with dogs. Friends that just wanted to go out and walk it together. Every age, gender, shape and size. I was slow but I was not last and no one cared either way.

Slowly, as I began to train more, I started to feel more comfortable in what I was doing. Every now and then, someone would try to throw that off. Every now and then I would encounter the snotty girl at the gym that made snide comments while I ran the indoor track. Some days I would hear the drunk guys in the neighborhood on Saturday night playing beer pong and asking why the hell I was running so late on a weekend. I'd have to deal with the 16 year old idiot that laughed at me after I celebrated my fastest 5K. They were the people that in the past would have made me quit. Every time I dealt with one of these people, I would fall a little. I would go back into my shell and want to hide. I might take an extra day off or avoid the indoor track but eventually I would get back out there and start running again because I knew I was working towards something bigger. 

It also helped that for those idiots that tried to bring me down, there were those that helped build me up. First of all, my husband has been AMAZING. He has been there for me every step of the way but some days the words of complete strangers can do so much more for you. In May, the post 5K is also a 10K. The 10K runners just do the course twice. I was running the 5K wearing a custom tech shirt that I had made that said "13.1 In Training" on the back. Half way through the 5K I was steadily being passed by 10K runners on their second lap. As I finished up mile two, a gentleman running the 10K paused as he passed me and said, "Just keep going. Keep trying and you'll get there. Don't give up." He was talking about my ambition to do a half marathon and I was very grateful.  It was nice to know that I didn't have to be the ideal image of a runner for someone to think I could do it. Then there was the morning I was running laps with my husband around our neighborhood and someone stopped to tell me that they saw me running all the time and it really inspired them. Or the guy that, right after the 16 year old laughed at me, came up to me to congratulate me. He told me that when I crossed the finish line he wanted to run over and give me a hug but he thought it might creep me out so he just wanted to say he was proud of me. These people have been sprinkled throughout this journey to remind me that I am doing the right thing. I am doing something to better my life.

There was been an article that I have seen pop up on Facebook a few times recently that had I read it 3 years ago, I would have probably never taken another step or signed up for another race. It was written about 4 years ago and it is about how slow runners have no place in marathons(and half marathons) according to some. This mindset has drastically changed over the last few years as more and more people are choosing to run to improve their health. As I read the quotes sited in the article by other runners, I was fuming. It was heartbreaking and maddening to read some of the things they had to say. I wanted to cry and I wanted to scream all at the same time. It disgusted me how they could say such hurtful things about perfect strangers and put down their efforts to get healthy by running.

Reading that article was a good thing for me in some ways though. It made me realize how far I have come to overcome those fears that held me back for years. I do still care too much about what others think but I'm getting much, much better. When it comes to my running, I know that I am making huge strides. Today was a uge day for me because I ran my fastest mile at 10:52. I know to many, that is really slow but I think back to that May 5K when that stranger encouraged me and I realize that it was the first 5K I ever ran. That day I ran an 18 minute mile. Just over two years later I am averaging a 13:30 minute mile on my long runs and my fastest mile is under 11 minutes. I've come a LONG way and I have a lot to be proud of. Mac and I have been judged over decisions and life choices a lot in the last few years but I am finally accepting that people will always judge and that we have to continue to make the right decisions for us. The running community can be an awesome group of people and sometimes you come across those that can be a little harsh and take things a little too seriously. I know I will never win a race, but that's not going to stop me from running them.

I've come a long way in the last 3 years and learning to accept myself and my decisions as my own has been a huge part of my emotional journey to being a better me.



If you care to read the article, you can find it here. 

Looking back on my Princess journey

I'm participating in a blog hop over at Kristy Runs Kato that is all about Princess Half Marathon recaps. As part of it, each blog links up with a direct link to their Princess race recap. I kept trying to decide which of my three recaps I wanted to use. I love my first recap from 2011 even though that race was nothing like I thought it would be. I was swept and felt very differently about it than I ever expected. I also wanted to link up to my 2012 recap about finally finishing the Princess. For me, 2013 was just a bad race day so that one wasn't really a contender but the first two are really special to me so I decided I would just make a new post and link back to both of those recaps.

Here you can read about my very first experience at the Princess Half Marathon. The post is entitled 8 miles and is about a lot more than just the race. It's about what led me to start the journey to change my life and how a little failure can be the push you need to start moving forward.

After my experience being swept, I decided I wanted to try again at the 2012 Princess Half Marathon. Eight months after my first Princess, my husband deployed for a year and I knew I would need something to keep me busy. I knew that if I signed up for the race again I would have to train and keep myself motivated while he was gone. In all of the craziness, I also signed up for the Inaugural Tinkerbell Half Marathon and had the goal of not only finishing one half marathon but two within a month and earning my Coast to Coast medal. A fellow army wife and close friend decided to run with me and a few friends from college joined us and we made a week long girls get away vacation out of it. We had an absolute blast and I finally accomplished the goal that I had set for myself a year and a half earlier.

I hope you enjoy both of these recaps and get a little something from them. I don't really talk much about character stops and all of that, but I do talk about what it feels like to run that course and find failure and success. I hope that any new readers who found me through the blog hop would stick around to see more of my journey. So many things have changed since that first Princess and even though I still have a long way to go, I know I am getting there one step at a time.

And if you really want to read about 2013's race, you can find it here.

 This is pics from each of my three races. Things have really changed.

Upcoming Races

So a few times I have talked about the busy running schedule I have coming up. I decided to put it out there so you can see what all I am running.

October 5th - Tower of Terror 10 miler - WDW

November 17th -  Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon - San Antonio

December 29th - Biggest Loser Half Marathon - Panama City Beach

January 18th - Tinkerbell 10K - DL
January 19th - Tinkerbell Half Marathon - DL

February 22nd - Enchanted 10K - WDW
February 23rd - Princess Half Marathon  - WDW
These two races make up the Glass Slipper Challenge


My big goal is to have a great race at Princess finally. The other runs leading up to that I will take easier. If I'm feeling good at Tink, I will probably take advantage of the good climate and try for a good race. Training officially began this week. I'm using a different plan that I found on RunKeeper for my mileages each run but I am still using intervals. I think this plan will help better prepare me for the back to back races during Tink and Princess.

I know lots of other runners have much busier calendars but for me this is a big leap. I'm excited about experiencing a few new half marathons that are not done by RunDisney.

Highs and Lows

So something rather unexpected and exciting has happened recently. Last month on June 18, I posted about finally breaking the 12 minute mile mark. It was something that I was shocked to finally do since I have been so slow for so long. I had just gotten to a place where I was consistently running a 13:30 average and the thought of running just one mile in 12 minutes seemed impossible. Well, the next running milestone seems to have come much sooner than I expected. I have not reached it yet but on Monday night, I ran a mile in 11:06 WITH  INTERVALS!

When I finally broke the 12 minute mark, I did it running straight through. I was still around 12:30 with intervals. Since then, I have been running intervals more because I am also doing Insanity and running straight through burns out my legs. I started noticing that as I got farther into Insanity, my run intervals were getting a lot faster because I was building strength in my legs. I cannot maintain that pace for a long time but a one minute interval is very doable. I also started focusing more on making sure I am walking at a good pace and not slowing down too much. The first time I really pushed myself. I finished the mile in about 11:30. I knew that if I kept working and focusing, it wouldn't be long before I was faster.

I still need to shave 6 seconds of my time and I think that is going to take a little while. After the mile on Monday I was spent. I really pushed myself to get that time so I know it will probably be a few weeks before I see it drop much more. I am fully aware that this is just a one mile pace. I do not have the endurance at this time to maintain that kind of average pace for long. I am planning on working on that in a few weeks when I finish Insanity. I've come to far to quit now so in August, when I finish it, I will start working back up to running a full 30 minutes like I did in May. Once I can run my short weekday runs straight through(or close to it since I may be changing plans up a little) I know that it will make my intervals stronger and allow me to keep a good pace for longer periods of time. I have just over 10 weeks until the Tower of Terror 10 miler and I want to have a strong race that night. It will be the first of a very busy race schedule over the following 5 months and I want to start it off strong.

Sometimes it's crazy how quickly you can see some changes. I feel like this is a reverse of the beginning of the year when I wasn't seeing much change with my running or fitness but I was losing weight very steadily. Now my weight has been stuck for a while but I am making major strides with my running and strength(I can actually do a push-up now). I just wish I could get them both to work at the same time. Maybe one day.

Just suck it up

That's what I had to do when it came to last night's workout because I REALLY, REALLY didn't want to do it.

It had been a frustrating day and I just wanted to go to bed and sleep for the rest of the week. All day I felt drained. While some of that may have been due to the crazy workout the night before, it mostly was caused by the lack of sleep I had gotten. I was up all night worrying. You see, a month ago, I went in for an annual physical and all the fun things that come with that for women. A few weeks later, I received a call that I had an abnormal result from my PAP. It freaked me out to say the least. They referred me to Women's Health so that I could have a more thorough screening to find out what was going on. I spent last week playing phone tag with them to set up an appointment which was complicated by Furlough Friday which meant no one was there to answer the phones. Finally we connected Monday morning and set and appointment for Wednesday afternoon. That's why I didn't get much sleep.

Fortunately, the screening went well and they think it is either me recovering from a mild infection or some other minor thing. They took tissue samples for more testing and I will get the results in two weeks. It was a relief to hear these things but it doesn't change the fact that the procedure required was very invasive and uncomfortable. I came home after and just wanted to curl up and sleep. Taking tissue from those areas means you cramp and feel just plain cruddy for the rest of the day. I had a little pity party after dinner and ate some things I shouldn't have. When time for Insanity rolled around, I just didn't want to do it. I finally forced myself to get dressed to workout and then realized I was either going to have to do the warm-up on the video, which I hate, or go out for a run. I was lucky to be upright, I definitely wasn't going for a run. I got everything set up and pushed play.

The workout was tough and I had to modify a few things because I started getting a headache. I had to cut out some of the jumping because the stormy weather has my knee acting up and there was at least one exercise that I skipped all together. But I did it. I did the best I could with all of the exercises I did do. Skipping an exercise was a bigger deal last month but now that the workouts are 45 minutes long, skipping one or two 1 minute sets isn't going to kill me. It actually allows me to do some of the other moves better. Once I was done, I was glad I did it but making myself do it was not easy. After the workout, I even sat down and recorded everything I had eaten into MyFitnessPal, the good and the bad and my daily totals weren't pretty. At least I was honest.

I'm planning on sitting down and going through some recipes I have so that we can try to make a meal plan for next week. I think if we have a better idea of what we are going to eat each day and shop accordingly, it will be easier to get the food side back on track. All of the junk food is out of the house again and I am not planning on buying any more. I need to pick up some more fruit to snack on as well.

Yesterday was one of those days when it all really sucked but I'm not going to let one day get the best of me. I turned it around at the end by at least working out instead of giving in completely and wasting the entire day. Today I will do better.

Stuck

Two posts in one day technically, crazy I know but like I said the other day, there are several posts floating around in my head and I have a chance again to get one out.

I have been SO CLOSE to being under 200 pounds for so long now but I just can't seem to cross that line. It's starting to get VERY frustrating. I had originally hoped to cross that milestone for my birthday. A few weeks before the big day I had gotten down to 207 but I new there was no way for me to lose the last 7 pounds in time. I was ok with that because at least I was close. Well, here we are two months later and I am still just close. I know that a lot of it is due to a normal plateau since I lost about 30 pounds in 4 months but it is still frustrating. I have been trying to break the plateau but I haven't been as on point with my food lately as I should so I am maintaining more than losing now. I have fluctuated a little these past few months but it has never gone up more than 2 or 3 pounds and then I will stick there, lose a little, stay there, go up a little and the cycle repeats. A couple weeks ago I finally got down to 202.5. I was so happy and sure that I was finally going to make it. Nope, a few days later I was back at 204 and I haven't seen anything lower since then.

Unfortunately, because I have been frustrated I have let my eating slip a little more. It hasn't been horrible but I have been eating more carbs and less protein than I should. I had gotten really good about making sure dinner each night was mostly protein and veggies and if there were carbs, it was a small gold potato. Lately, I have not been getting nearly enough protein in my diet which I know isn't helping me build muscle with Insanity. The good thing though is that I recognize the problem and I know how to fix it. Even though eating a Krispy Kreme donut yesterday wasn't the most help to my plan, it also isn't the only reason I'm stuck so there is no reason to beat myself up over it. I need to make sure I am still allowing myself a little indulgence here and there to help me stay on track. I think I was so focused on hitting my goal for my birthday, I cut out the cheats I allowed myself before and I felt so deprived that I over did it after the big day.

As I enter into month two of Insanity, I am trying to refocus on my nutrition because I know it will be a big part in how successful this month is. Also, now that the end is somewhat in sight for it, I am starting to focus and plan more for what I will start to do with my running. I had a plan already set up but I found a new one through RunKeeper that I really like. It's their beginner HM plan, which I know I'm not a beginner, but I like the layout of it and the miles that it covers. It's a little different than Galloway but not by a lot. The  main thing is that you run one more day a week by having back to back runs on the weekends. I like that because I know that it will help me prepare for the two back to back races I have coming up with Tink and Princess. It's a 16 week program and if I start it the end of this month, it ends on the weekend I will be running the RnR San Antonio. Plus the training run on ToT weekend is 10 miles so it works out perfectly.(This reminds me that I owe you a post about all the races I have lined up starting this fall.)

I'm hoping that as I start to seriously focus on these things I will find my groove with food again. Once I get settled back in, I know that I will finally hit the milestone I have been waiting so long to reach.

Apparently I lost my mind

What was I thinking when I started Insanity? I'm not sure but as I started month two, I seriously started questioning my own sanity. Now I know where it gets the name from.

One of the posts I have owed you is a report on month one. On July 6, I finished month one and last week was the active recovery week. Shaun T and I have VERY different definitions of the word recovery. I started the week hating the workout but by Saturday, it had grown on me.(You do the same workout every day for 6 days) I made it to the end of the first 4 weeks feeling really good about it. I started out shaky and felt like I was really doing great by the end. I hadn't perfected every move and I couldn't make it through the entire workout without taking a break but I was taking fewer breaks and doing much better with the moves. My biggest problem is still the floor work. I am slowly building my upper body but I have a very low limit when it comes to how many push-ups I can do before I have to drop my knees. That was one of the things that scared me about month two. I didn't lose a ton of weight in phase one but that's ok. My measurements did change some, I did lose a few pounds and I became noticeably stronger so I was ok with it.

By finishing the recovery week, I made it farther than I have ever made it before with Insanity. I have tried this program twice before. The first time, I got a severe sinus infection at the end of week four, then there were problems with the meds and I ended up never starting back up with the workouts. A few months later, I tried again but I just wasn't in the right head space and stopped after a few weeks. I was frustrated that I had not maintained and that it was so hard starting again and the discouraged me enough to quit. I kept thinking about starting again but never did.

The reason I began Insanity this time was because a few months ago, my friend Amy over at Pumpkin to Princess asked a few questions about Insanity. She wanted to give it a try but was scared she wasn't in good enough shape to do it. I told her about me trying it and that if I could do it, she could. I told her that I had never finished and that I struggled a lot when I started but I that I was still able to do it and see results. Then in the first week of July she mentioned on FB that she was going to start it. I decided I would drop her a message and talk about it a little more. I also decided to do it with her. Both times that I tried it before, I joined an online support group of others doing the workouts at the same time but I didn't know any of these people. Also, many of them had done it two or three times before and are in amazing shape. Being over 200lbs and fighting just to get through the warm up and make you feel a little intimidated by those kinds of groups. They were very nice and very supportive but we were in very different places. When the opportunity to do it with someone that I had a lot in common with came up, I decided to give it a try. We both got into running with a little help from Disney and the Princess Half and that is actually how I met her. We met online through a FB Princess HM group and then met in person at the 2012 Princess HM. I knew when I started Insanity the first time that I would have loved having someone to talk to about it one on one that knew what I was going through. After a few messages, we decided to check in with each other a few times each week and to keep each other accountable. I have even told her when I have skipped workouts because I am trying to be completely honest with all of this. Everything was going great, until tonight.

MONTH TWO SUCKS, and I am only a day into it. When I hit play on the DVD and saw 60 minutes on the workout countdown at the bottom, I almost passed out and quit right there. I always skip the workout because I go for a short run and then do Insanity. When I did Insanity in the past, I noticed the warm-up moves were the ones that hurt my knees or feet the worst and since I was doing a run streak when we started, I decided to use my one mile run as my warm-up instead. It really does work best for me. Anyway, so I skipped through the warm-up and got to the actual workout and noticed that it still said 45 minutes. I'm used to the workouts being 15-23 minutes after the warm-up, not 45. I was scared. I did it though. It was brutal and ugly and I had to modify things a lot.  I only did two repetitions of the second and third circuits because I just couldn't do those moves for that long. When it was over, I sat on the floor thinking, "What did I get myself into?"(I sent Amy a FB message asking this, too.) I felt like I was back at day one.

The cool thing is though, I'm not at day one. I'm at day one of month two which is day 36. And even though I feel like I did after the very first workout, I know that four weeks later, I was able to do those workouts and if I stick to it, four weeks from now I will be able to do this one. He designed this program for you to work hard and build your strength so that he can make it harder and push you farther. I'm still terrified of the rest of this week as I keep doing new workouts but next week, I will do them all again and be a little better. I'm scared, but I'm determined to finish this time.

Oops

Sorry I have been so quiet lately. I actually have a few things I need to blog about but I just haven't found the time and motivation to do it yet. I will do my best to get something real posted soon.

Feeling Strong

Even though I had a kind of mediocre run last night and my Insanity workout was brutal, I am feeling so much stronger. Friday night I actually had a really good run and felt great during Insanity even though it was still kicking my butt. It's just crazy to me how quickly your body adapts and improves when you push it.

Yesterday, I finished my second week of Insanity and I have already come so far since I started. I haven't seen a real change on the scale but my body is so much stronger. I am doing more of the exercises and making it through the workouts longer before I have to take breaks. I still have bad days from time to time like yesterday but as long as I still try and do the workout, I know I am still improving.

I'm really looking forward to seeing my results at the end of the 9 weeks. I'm still terrified of the second half of the program because it is the reason it's called Insanity but I know that as long as I try and continue to do as much as I can, I will still see results.

Holy... I can't believe I did it!

I finally broke the 12 minute/mile mark!

I know that is not a big deal for most runners, but for me and my slow ass, it is. I ended up taking the weekend off from both Insanity and running. My legs were DEAD from running every night last week AND doing Insanity. Saturday, I was just so sore, I decided to take it easy. I did a lot of nothing and apparently my legs appreciated it.

I actually wasn't planning on running tonight since we got in later than usual and I still needed to do Insanity. I started the video and remembered how much I hate the warm-up. I decided to do what I did last week and just use my one mile as a warm-up. I didn't use my app tonight because I always have to fix the map to get an accurate time. I marked off the mile (using driveways as the end mark) last week since I was aggravated with the app being wrong. That way, I would know once I did two laps and passed a certain driveway, I had completed 1 mile. I grabbed Mac's watch to use the stopwatch on it as I headed out. I was hoping I could finally get under 12 minutes but quickly decided it wasn't going to happen. My left ankle was tight and it was HOT. Even now, over an hour later it is 86 degrees out with a heat index of 90. I felt slow and figured I didn't have a chance at beating my time. I kept moving though and every now and then checked my watch.

When I had about half a lap left, I checked the time. There was a chance that I was going to make it. I knew I needed to push a little harder on the last leg which unfortunately is the hardest. It is the longest side of the block and it has the steepest up hill and usually a head wind. Fortunately the winds tonight were under 10mph so that wasn't too bad. I grit my teeth and focused on moving my feet forward. I rounded the last turn and could see the second driveway that marked the end of my mile. I pushed forward with a determination to get it this time and grabbed the watch. I didn't dare look down but I readied my finger on the button to stop the clock as soon as I passed the driveway. I hit the button, heard the beep and looked down 11:59.

I was overjoyed! I immediately raised my arms in the air and couldn't help but celebrate. As I walked towards the house, I couldn't help but to start to cry. Two years ago I tried to my first full 5K. I had to walk after two miles but the time for those two miles was an average 18 minute mile. Here I am, 2 years and a lot of miles later and I just finished my first mile in under 12 minutes. I came in and immediately jumped on RunKeeper to map it out. I knew I had actually ran a little more than 1 mile because I had to dodge a trailer that was in the way on the road. Once I got everything plugged in, my official time for the mile was 11:54. That's 9 seconds faster than the mile I ran last week. 

I finished up an awesome night by doing Insanity. It's amazing what a difference a week can make. It was still tough, and I still had to take breaks but I did so much more than I did last week and I felt so much better while doing it. All of this is giving me a little confidence boost and making me feel like I can do this again.

I am hoping that we are close to figuring out what has been going on with me over the past year. I saw my PCM today for my annual physical and she is doing some more blood work because she thinks my hormones are out of whack. I think so too. I have thought that for a while but since one of my main symptoms seemed allergy related, they checked that first. Since that all came back clear, we are looking at other things now and I think this just might be it. Hopefully, soon we will get the test results and they will explain things and we can start getting it back on track.

With all of these things feeling like they are coming together, I feel like I am back on the right path and hopefully nothing can stop me now.

Still here and still running

Sorry I've been quite lately. I did a little traveling the first full week of June so I have been trying to settle back into a routine at home. I mentioned in my last post that I had started a run streak thanks to the Runners World Summer Challenge. I am still plugging away at it thought my streak has been broken twice. Like I said, I did some traveling last week and it got the best of me a few days.

The day I flew into GA, I still did well. Rachel picked me up at the airport and we headed north to the hotel where we would be staying for a friend's wedding. Once we got settled in that night, I hit the fitness room and did a mile on the dreadmill. It just reminded me how much I HATE treadmills. The next day was Sunday and the day of the wedding. I did not get up early enough to hit the treadmill before we had to check out. The rest of the day was full of meeting up with friends, going to the wedding and driving back to Middle Georgia for the night. I had considered trying to do a quick mile once I arrived at Patrick's before I went to bed but then a dear friend was involved in an accident on I-75 and we had to stop to stay with him while arrangements were made for his truck and then give him a ride. This meant I did not get in until well after midnight and it had been a crazy day so I slept.

Monday I was not stupid enough to run in the middle of the day in Georgia in June so I was hoping to get my run in once I arrived at my parents' house that evening. Unfortunately, schedules were tight an we did not get there until after dark. Had I been at Fort Hood, it would have been fine and I would have put on my shoes and hit the pavement but unfortunately, I was there. Even though it is a small town, there is a very rough area near my parents' house and I would not run at night unless I carried a gun. Since I don't have a carry permit, that wasn't an option(though my mom or dad would have let me carry either of theirs.) So after doing really well the first week, I missed two days.

The rest of the time I was there, I got my running in each evening before sunset. It was HOT! One thing I DO NOT miss about Georgia is the oppressive humidity. It was KILLING me but I got it done. On Thursday, we ventured east to St. Simons, Island. We drove all day in the rains from TS Andrea. Soon after we checked in, there was a break in the rain and I headed out. I had just finished a 2 mile loop and started walking across the parking lot to the room when the heavens opened and it poured rain. By the time I walked the last 100 yards, I was soaking wet but I loved it. I enjoy running in the rain(when I am prepared for it, unlike last years WW8K) Unfortunately, on Friday, there just didn't seem to be any good time to do it and I missed another day. Saturday was a very long travel day that had me sitting in airports way too much and not getting home until well after midnight. I was beat and just went to bed. According to my runKeeper log I didn't run on Sunday either(though I thought I did). But this week I have been back at it each day. I plan to continue through July 4th even though my streak isn't intact anymore.

I pushed myself again on Monday night and ran the entire mile at my best pace so far. I was so annoyed though because I finished the mile in 12:03. I was SO CLOSE to being under 12 minutes but I know I will get there soon. It was an 18 second improvement over the Memorial Day mile when I did my previous best of 12:21. I have also started Insanity again which I hope to recap once a week. It is tough and I forgot how tough it really is. Doing it and a mile each day is really pushing my legs to the max but I know as long as I am smart, it will only help me in the end. The only time it may be a problem is in July after the run streak is over but once my ToT training begins. When that happens, I will just skip Insanity on the Saturdays that I have long training runs so that I don't burn out my legs.

I want to start posting more again. Especially now that I am picking up the pace training wise. I'm also so close to a couple of goals, one running(sub 12 min mile) and one weight and I hope to be able to share about reaching those goals soon. I have also been doing a lot of thinking lately about how far I've come, how far I have to go, what I hope for my future, things I have learned along the way and emotions that come with this journey. I want to get all of these thoughts out if I can but sometimes they just seem to get stuck. I'm trying to make decisions about races over the course of the next 12 months and once I have a better idea of when and where I will be running, I want to put that out there too. I just hope that there is someone out there still reading this.

A case for Galloway

Olympian Jeff Galloway is a big advocate of the run/walk/run method. He is an Olympic marathoner and he uses this method for his own runs. He runs 30 seconds and walks 30 seconds. You can go to expos where he is a guest speaker and hear him lecture on this method. There are tons of articles and lots of blogs that talk about him and his method. He is the running consultant with RunDisney and he creates training plans for each of their races.

When I first started training for the 2011 Princess, I looked at his training info but decided not to follow it. I didn't like that it had a run longer than 13.1 miles before the race and I wasn't really looking to do intervals. I was planning to run start to finish(haha). I started training and soon got very frustrated. After a while I quit training and eventually went to Princess and was swept.(Which you can read about here.) After being swept and realizing that if I really trained I could do it, I decided to take a new approach. I started doing research about training programs and methods. I started with the Weight Watchers 5K program and then moved on from there. I sort of did a 10k program after the 5k one was over but I wasn't really happy with it. After I did the Labor Day 10K I started looking more at half programs. I finally decided to go with Galloway's plan for the Princess.

Even though I was planning to do Tink, I had waited too late to start that program and the first Tink fit perfectly into the Princess training by falling on the week you would run 12.5 miles so Galloway actually had the Tink on the schedule as an option instead of the regular training run. (Now that they have moved Tink to a different weekend, it falls on a day of a short run in his program so it is no longer listed on the plans.) I had also realized after my first attempt at running a full 5K that intervals would probably be better for me. I played around with ratios and tried to find the right one. It took a long time and honestly I don't remember when I first started running 1:1 intervals but they fit for me and I found myself doing better in my running.

After running regular since March 2011, I had started thinking about changing things up. Maybe I was cheating myself. Maybe doing intervals was actually slowing me down now instead of helping. I decided earlier this year that I wanted to start working on building my run time up again. I did the WW5K program again with the goal of running 30 minutes straight on my 30th birthday. I didn't get it done on my birthday because running in Florida after being at Disney for a few days just wasn't happening. However, the weekend after we got back I did it. I was surprised that I made it through but I ran 30 minutes straight. The idea behind this was to actually strengthen my interval runs. I want to start running the 30 minute runs in Galloway's training plan straight through so that when I run intervals in my long runs, I will have better endurance. After doing my first 30 minutes, I started wondering if I should just start training to just run and cut out my walks.

Last weekend, I read about the Runners World Summer Running Challenge. They are challenging people to run at least one mile every day from Memorial Day until Independence Day. I went back and forth about it for while and finally decided to do it. I am a HUGE advocate for rest days especially for people who are building their running. I have always tried to never run more than 4 days a week. However, I have significantly built my base and doing an easy mile at an easy pace isn't really going to hurt me too much. Plus, I am not starting my serious training until July anyway. Once I start it, I will go back to mandatory rest days to keep from over working my legs. Since I am just working on building my legs up for that training, I decided to become a streaker.

Monday was day one and I decided to go all out and run the mile as fast as I could straight through. I was actually surprised and really proud of myself because I did the mile in 12:21. I know that is slow to most people but considering the first time I ever ran a full mile it took me over 18 minutes, that's a huge improvement. I was really proud and excited but my legs were pretty much done. As great as that mile was, I could never keep that pace for even two miles, let alone more. The next night I decided to go back to my intervals and take it a little easier. As we were doing the run intervals, I could feel myself running faster but I wasn't really feeling too tired by the time the walk interval started. I was worried I was going to get burnt out. By the end of the run, I still felt great and I thought we had made pretty good time. I checked RunKeeper and sure enough, it took us 12:46 to run the mile. That was only a 25 second difference in time but there was a HUGE difference in how I felt. My legs felt great, I wasn't out of breath and I knew I could have continued running for a while at that pace.

It reminded me of why I started running intervals. It reminded me of how even though I am walking part of the time, I don't lose much speed and in longer distances, I can actually finish with a better pace with intervals versus without. You cover the same distance and exert less effort. It is easier on your joints and body and allows you to recover during your run so you can run farther. It reminded me that if it works for an Olympic marathoner, it will work for me.

I am considering switching up my interval ratios some. Maybe doing longer intervals on training runs along with the 30 minute runs each week so that I can be stronger on my shorter race intervals. I have plenty of time to play with it and figure it out but I was so glad to be reminded of how great the run/walk/run method really is. So I guess all of that is to say, if you have never tried it and you find yourself struggling with runs or being frustrated with your pace, give this method a shot. You just might be very pleasantly surprised.

I'm 30

So as of Tuesday, I am officially 30.

Last year on my birthday I talked about where I wanted to be by now and though I am not quite where I had hoped, I have still come a long way. A few months ago I set a realist short term goal for my birthday. It was going to be hard, but realistic. Unfortunately, I did not hit that goal but I can very very close. I am only about 6-7 lbs from where I wanted to be.

The reality of it all is that I am still in better shape now than I have been in a long time, possibly ever. Even though I was smaller and athletic, I did not have the endurance that I have now. I am still working to meet my goals and I have learned so much along the way. I still have a long way to go but I am sure that I will eventually get there.

As I look ahead to the next year of my life, I have big plans. I have lots of races on my calendar and I am almost certain there will be more. The fact that I am planning to run all of these races and confident that I can do it is such a huge change from a few years ago. The way it looks right now, my 30s will be the best years yet.

As of right now here is my list of races.

September 2  - Macon Labor Day Road Race (tentative)
October 5      - Tower of Terror Ten Miler, WDW
December 29 - Biggest Loser Half Marathon, Panama City Beach, FL
January 19     - Tinkerbell Half Marathon, Disneyland
February 22   - Enchanted 10K, WDW
February 23   - Princess Half Marathon, WDW

Running First

So tonight I had another first and this was not the good kind. Tonight was the first time I have ever been creeped out on a run and it was bad enough that I cut my workout short. I had hoped to run with Mac tonight but thanks to a busy day and late dinner, that wasn't possible. I went out on my own just before midnight. This is not an unusual time or activity for me. I typically run at night and when it is 100 degrees in TX in the summer, I run after midnight. There normally aren't any cars on the road(I stay on the block of my neighborhood) unless the MPs are patrolling or it's Wednesday night and the paper guys are throwing out the free weekly post newspaper.

As I was running along the opposite street of our block, I was startled by a set of headlights. I soon realized it was just the paper guys and thought nothing of it. I got out of their way and kept running. I knew that they should be about done with our neighborhood once I hit the side I live on. Sure enough, as I turned onto my side of the block, I saw them pull up to the stop sign of the middle street. I moved onto the sidewalk so that they could go on by. they didn't move. I was at least 100 yards from them when they stopped so they had plenty of time to go before I got there. Since they stayed put, I got back into the street and crossed in front of them a little ways away from the car thinking that they were just waiting for me to pass so I would get out of their way quicker so they could go. They still didn't budge. That's when it started to really creep me out. Fortunately, I was just coming up to my house so I pretended to be finishing up my run, paused my Run Keeper app, and went inside. Only after I had made it inside and closed the door they finally left. I watched as they left our neighborhood. After a minute or two, I stepped back outside to make sure they were really gone. I still had 5 minutes on my run interval so I went back out. I did a lap of our block in just over 5 minutes which is unheard of for me. I decided as I was hitting the opposite side that I was going to finish out the interval and call it a night.

There have been a few times when I have seen strange cars or people acting weird but they usually don't really get to me. Most of the time, when they realize someone is out and about, they leave. Most of the time, it is just a possible affair(I interrupted a late night rendezvous once) or a domestic spat(recently I witnessed a huge fight resulting in the guy jumping in his truck and speeding out of the neighborhood). I just stay our of their way and pretend to not really notice. The only people that have ever bothered me were actually the MPs. I confused the heck out of two last year and they sat there and stared at me as I ran by then they gave me weird looks just before they left the neighborhood.

Tonight there could have been a reasonable explanation for the paper guys stopping. Maybe they were getting a new batch of papers out of the back seat before they moved on to the next neighborhood. I don't know what was going on but for the first time, I felt like I just needed to go home. One of the things about our neighborhood is that I am never far from somewhere that I could go to if there was any real trouble. Our really close friends live opposite us in the neighborhood so even when I am on the other side of the block, there is a house near by that I could head to for help. I think what may have creeped me out more was the realization tonight that after next week, that will no longer be true. They are moving so I am losing a little piece of my safety net. Fortunately, it is a small neighborhood and by running at night, I have learned who the night owls are. I know which houses I could go to and find someone awake.

This isn't going to keep me from running and it isn't going to keep me from running at night. The only thing that might change is that I may make sure Mac runs with me on Wednesdays, just in case or until I can learn the paper guys' pattern and see if them stopping in the neighborhood is a normal occurrence. I still feel safe here and I am not worried about running alone at night. Most nights I'm not really alone. There are several ladies that sit out on their porches and smoke late at night and once summer is here, there will always be a crew outside on the middle street. They used to make a game out of waiting for me to pass by each end of the street. I would here them laugh and say "There she goes" as I made each lap. I may try to be a little more conscious of what's going on but it's not going to stop me from getting out there.

Automatic

Sunday night as I was running that last of my long run interval, I started thinking about my stride and pace and the fact that I just kept going. I tired to figure out WHY I kept going and all I could figure is that I get into the rhythm of a run and it just happens. At the time, I was tired and ready to be done. I sort of felt like I was slowing down but as I paid more attention to my running, I realized I wasn't really slowing down at all. I kept picking up one foot after the other and moving forward. Then I started thinking about the music I was listening to and I tried to figure out if that was what kept me going. It wasn't. The beat of the song and the rhythm of my pace were completely different. Then I started wondering why I listened to music if it didn't help my pace. I finally realized that the music was there to keep my mind occupied so that my body could just run. Without the distraction of the music, I would focus on how tired I was or the cramp starting in my calf. If there was no music, I would over analyze my stride or pace and end up throwing myself off by slowing down too much or going too fast. I finally figured out that running has become automatic and the music is what allows my body to take over and do what it needs to do while my mind is focused on something else. It is crazy what our bodies can do if we just let it.