I've let myself go too much in the last 7 months. I have regained more weight than I ever wanted to and I am trying to get it off again. I've been so disgusted and disappointed with myself that it has been hard to refocus like I should. I have had the old fears and doubts nagging me saying that it's just not possible but I know it is.
I think I am going to need to take a break from the weight lifting or at least scale it back. I really want my focus to be running again so that I can train well and succeed at Avengers in November. I keep going back and forth with what all I am planning to do. A while ago, I posted this pic on the blog's facebook page when I posted about getting serious.
I'm still using it to help me move forward, but there is a reason everything is on stickers. They are removable, so I can move them around or just throw them out if I find that it is just too much. Every time I open it up, I tweak something. But that is how I have found success in the past. Any time that I had something too rigid, I would get frustrated and just give up, but allowing myself to make changes and adapt has helped me move forward. I am trying to get back into eating the right things on the right days. I still need to get more protein but I'm working on it.
I'm hoping to post more again. I know I have said that before but I really do want to do it. I have just felt so bad about how things have been going, I felt like I had no right to post anything. When in reality, these are the times I need to post the most. So I can work through my struggles and stop just hiding from the world.
There is a lot of uncertainty around the next several months for us. Mac is applying to grad schools and waiting on answers so he can make a decision and let the Army know. Then we will have to figure out another move quickly. By the end of the year, we will no longer be here but I have no idea where we will be headed. Uncertainty is bad for me. It causes me anxiety and that leads to bad habits. I am trying to break through some of that by focusing on what I can control and what I do know. No matter where we are in January, I still have a 10K on Sept 1 and 14th, a half on Oct 18th and another in California on Nov 16th and I really want to be prepared for them. I really want to feel like a runner again.
But first, I need new shoes...
And that will be a post of its own very soon.
