WW Thursday

So today wasn't the best of days for weighing in. I gained 0.4 lbs. I know that isn't much but this has been a trend lately. In reality, I am still doing pretty good because I have not gained a full pound yet if you add up my gains since my last loss. So basically I have been pretty much staying the same. It all really started when we went home and I haven't fully gotten back on track since then. I am doing better with my running again and I am still learning with my food. I have bee pretty consistently having "breakfast" so that at least is a start. I put breakfast in quotes because it is a meal replacement shake not a bowl of cereal or anything like that. I'm starting slow but at least I am getting something in my system instead of waiting until 5pm like I used to. The shakes are also useful because I am doing a cleanse that requires consuming a large dose of saw dust, I mean fiber, and putting it in the shake makes it bearable. I'm hoping that cleaning everything in there out will help me with the weight-loss stuff as well as tummy issues I have been plagued with for years. I am already noticing that I am not having some of the digestive issues that used to be commonplace for me.

Tonight was a hard night at the meeting. Our regular leader is on vacation so Steve takes over while she is gone. I like him. He keeps the meeting short and sweet and is a nice guy. however, tonight he said something that felt a little harsh and really kind of hurt. When he saw that I gained and then noticed the two weigh-ins before, he said that even though .4 isn't a number to be alarmed by he noticed a pattern and wanted to know what was going on. I responded, "Stress." I have been stressed. Driving 18 hours each way to Georgia and back is not a walk in the park. Dealing with my husband going overseas makes me a little crazy and fighting with a weight-loss plateau makes me want to pull my hair out. When I get stressed, I stop losing weight, even if I am watching what I eat and exercising, it just all stops, which stresses me out more. This is what has been going on and why the scale has not been my friend. Steve's response to my one word answer was, "Well, maybe we should find ways other than food to deal with our stress." I HAVEN'T BEEN OVER EATING. Have I had an extra snack or two? Yes, but I have been staying within my weekly points. I know he was trying to be helpful but jumping to that conclusion and making that statement was like a knife in my chest. I felt so defeated and really did not want to be at the meeting anymore. It didn't help that my friend's husband became a lifetime member tonight because he hit his goal and maintained it for 6 weeks. He only had 30 lbs to lose but for me, becoming a lifetime member seems like it is a lifetime away.

I've really been struggling with all of this and really trying to push through it. In the past, every time I have tried to lose weight, this is where I quit. I decided that it really was impossible and I walked away. Every time I have tried to lose weight I have hit this same road block around the same time. I lose 15-25 lbs and then it all stops. I stall out, get discouraged, and quit. This time I am not letting myself stop but that doesn't change the fact that it is hard to move forward. I'm trying to really buckle down and get even more serious so that I can start making better progress. I really want to change, I really want to be a better person, but it is really hard when you feel like you have run face first into a brick wall. I'm going to break through but it is going to take time.

Update: I just recorded my measurements and I have lost a total of 18 inches all over, 8 of those are around my waist and 5 of that have been since I stopped "losing weight." Even though I am not seeing it on the scale, my body is still getting smaller.