Sunday, April 22, 2012

Shape Diva Dash

Today I did the Diva Dash Austin. It was good experience, but I don't see myself ever doing it again. Part of it was my own fault and part of it was poor race planning on their part. First of all I didn't think about what kind of course it would be so when we started and were immediately running downhill on a trail covered in loose wood mulch, I was not prepared. The first 1/4 mile is all I really ran because I got tired of worrying about rolling my ankle. The obstacles weren't bad and some were even fun. The first was a zig-zag balance beam, the second was running through inner tubes while dodging giant balls hanging over you. Then there was a maze, a pit of soap bubbles, carrying a small log up and down a hill and hurdles that were made from road barricades. Then we got to the first water obstacle which required us to wade out into the lake and step over buoys, then something I am forgetting and then the next water obstacle that had us wade out into the lake with an inner tube around us. We went out far enough that it was about waist deep which was much more than anyone expected. We were told to expect water but we were also told it wouldn't be anything over knee deep. The last obstacle was a cargo net which was my biggest fear because of the height and the fact that I was doing it with one hand but I did it and then crossed the finish. My time was crap because I walked pretty much the entire thing, plus with the obstacles, you can't really compare it to a regular 5K time. There were several very steep hills that were killer and I was not expecting those at all. Like I said, it was good experience.

My main problems with the race had nothing to do with the race itself. It was the organization or lack thereof. I arrived a little late and was very worried they wouldn't let me race but they didn't really care when I picked up my chip. I was given no direction as to where bag check was or where I needed to go for the start. I actually almost went  in the complete opposite direction of the start because nothing was marked and I thought there was no way the runners area was in the middle of all the product tents. I was wrong. As I finally found the start I was very confused about where I needed to go to get with my start wave. I was supposed to start at 11am and it was 10:30. There was no "runners' area" at all. You had runners from all different waves all mixed in together with spectators as well. Finally we found out they were running about 15 minutes late and eventually someone held up a sign for the 10:30 wave to walk up. However, it really didn't matter what wave you were in because no one checked anything so several people behind me that signed up for 11:45 ran with 10:30 because there was no way for anyone to know or stop them. I finally started with my correct wave and made my way through the course. They did have a few water stops but the water literally tasted like dirt. It was gross. At the end of the race, they had more dirty water and beer. Every runner got a free beer. I don't drink beer. Plus, I don't understand drinking a beer or any kind of alcohol so soon after running. All I wanted was gatorade or powerade and there was nothing, anywhere. There was no finishers gift except for a bag full of sponsor stuff like you would normally get at an expo. I've never done a race before and been given a sample box of tampons for finishing. They did have necklaces available for you to purchase and since they were only $5, I bought one so I can hang it with my medals.

One really good thing came out of the race this morning. I realized how much progress I have made mentally during this journey. This morning after my alarm went off I stayed in bed and seriously debated not going. My hand was bothering me, I didn't get much sleep and I just didn't feel like moving. I tried to see if Mac was online so I could talk to him about and and get his opinion on whether I should go or not. When he didn't respond, I finally got myself up, got ready and left. While I was on the course, even though I was aggravated with several aspects of the race and wishing I had stayed in bed, I knew that if I had, I would have regretted it. I was glad I at least did it. That's when I realized, a year ago, I would have stayed in bed. I would have used my hand as an excuse and I wouldn't have gone. Things have definitely been changing and hopefully I will continue on this new path.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Aggrevation: Supportive vs Pushy

I get a little aggravated with people when they refuse to look at things realistically and instead push people to make decisions that may not be right for them. I understand they are trying to be supportive and motivating but I think people forget to look at the whole picture sometimes.

There is currently a discussion going on about the Tink in which a woman was venting that registration for next year's race opens about 2 weeks before her first half marathon and that she really hoped it would be after so she could do a half first to make sure she wanted to do another before signing up. Every one's reactions were automatically, "Just do it!" My reaction was, just wait. The race won't be full after just two weeks so do the first one and then decide. Well, she has decided to sign up anyway without knowing and that bothers me. I feel like she was pressured or guilted into going ahead and signing up on the first day of registration instead of following her legitimate plan. I think sometimes people forget that half marathons aren't for everyone. I am on the verge of being in that group. Honestly, if they were a mile or two longer, I would never do another one because 13 miles is more than enough. I have no desire to ever try a full. I would be bored out of my mind and it just isn't something that appeals to me but others push people into doing them all the time.There are people in the half groups that take that plunge every day but I will never be one of them. Yes, some of these iconic races are tempting and I would love to have the awesome anniversary medal for the Disney World full next year but then I remember that it requires me to do over 26 miles and I laugh and think, "Maybe I'll just buy one on Ebay."(kidding of course, I would never want I medal I didn't earn) In the case of a full, for me, the work outweighs the reward and it simply isn't worth it. I would be miserable.

People keep saying, "You have to keep challenging yourself." But there is a difference between challenge and torture. I challenge myself by signing up for more half marathons and pushing to do better at each. I challenge myself by finding new fun races to keep me moving or workout programs that kick my ass but I enjoy. If you don't find any joy at all in what you are using to challenge yourself, in essence you are torturing or punishing yourself and that isn't healthy. I have a great friend that has taken up running and as much as I would love to do a distance race with him, he is not in the least bit interested. At first that baffled me because he is not the type to back down from a challenge but then I realized after talking with him that he knows it is something he simply wouldn't enjoy. Believe me, if my first race had been like the Austin 10/20, I would have never done another race over 5K. It sucked and I hated it. I enjoyed the music and I loved the bling but the experience on the course was not a good one. Fortunately,  I knew that it wasn't the norm for me. It was because of crappy weather mostly so I check that race off the list and move on.

I feel like everyone should try ONE half before they sign up for their next. Yes, I signed up for two half marathons before ever completing my first but I had attempted one and made it  nearly 2/3 of the way before I was picked up. I knew what it was like and I knew how much farther I had to go, but I also knew that I enjoyed it. And as I get stronger and train more, I will enjoy it more. I have told people that they should try a half if they want and that I will give them info to help them train but I have never pushed them to do it. Because I know if someone had done that to me, it would have backfired.

These are all decisions we each have to make for ourselves. Being supportive is awesome but people have to be careful of that fine line between supportive and pushy. Guilt is not the right motivator when it comes to these kinds of things.


_______________________________________
Update on yesterday's post:
The stomach bug seemed to subside yesterday afternoon but I will still be taking the rest of the week off form Si6 because when I was making something to eat last night, the pot slipped and I poured boiling water all over the back of my left hand. I treated it but couldn't get the pain to subside so I spent 6 hours at the ER last night to have it looked at. Fortunately, due to the nature of my injury I was triaged immediately and they gave me a burn dressing that helped immensely. By the time I saw the Dr 5 hours later it was much better and she just prescribed me something for the pain and an ointment to put on the wound. I am much better now but I will hold off on the intense workout until my hand is better. The obstacle course 5K tomorrow is probably going to be bad enough for it but I am determined to do the race.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Week Off

Well, it looks like I will be taking the rest of the week off, or at least  a few more days, thanks to a stomach bug. I swear that has been the theme of this deployment. It seems like every time the guys leave, the universe finds some shitty way to get to you and this deployment it has come to me in the form of stomach bugs, and frankly, it's getting old. There is really nothing I hate worse than puking and I swear I have done it more this deployment than I have in the last 15 years. It sucks so much more when you are alone. You don't want to move yet if you want to feel better, you have to get everything yourself. It's times like this I wish my dogs were a little taller and had thumbs.

I did try to get back in to phase 3 last night and it was tough. I'm going to have to easy back into the workouts anyway so a few more days off won't really make a ton of difference. I'm really trying not to freak out about the fact that I only have a little over a month before Mac gets home. I know there won't be time for any huge changes but I still hope I can make some good progress before he gets here.

Now to figure out something that I can eat. Unfortunately, the ice cream truck is riding through the neighborhood taunting me at the moment.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Rest

I sort of feel like a slacker since I didn't start back with my workout program today but I figure my body could use another day of rest after Sunday's race. It's actually been a few days since I've done one of the Slim in 6 workouts but this time there was a real reason instead of just skipping them. I decided that since I was doing a lot of moving in the preparations for my yard sale that I was getting a decent workout. I could have done it Friday but I figured it wouldn't hurt to take a couple days off right before the 10 miler so I wasn't sore from phase 3 before the race even started. I was a little stiff and sore after the race yesterday so took it easy and made sure to take something for the soreness so I could sleep last night. Today I felt pretty good with the exception of some soreness in my back and my butt of all places. My legs feel fine but my glutes are still really sore. Since there is a really big portion of phase 3 that focuses on the glutes, I decided one more day of rest would probably be a good thing. I did go for a pretty good walk tonight. It was about 2 miles so I didn't completely slack off, I just didn't do the hard core workout.

I don't have too much longer before Mac gets home so I am going to try to really buckle down and hit phase 3 hard for the next 5 weeks. If I feel up to it I may move on to the Slim Series follow up workouts that I have but we'll see how it goes. If I feel like I have "mastered" the phase 3 workouts or if I get bored with it, I will move on. Otherwise I will probably stick with it until he gets home because it is a really good, intense workout.

I did have some more encouragement when I stepped on the scale Saturday. I  lost another 1.2 lbs so I am down to an even 135. I was finally able to say goodbye to 240 for good. I know that may sound a little odd but it really isn't. I only count my Saturday morning weigh-ins but I commit the cardinal sin of weight loss and weigh myself all the time. I can't help it, I just have to know what it is all the time. Your body naturally fluctuates a few pounds from day to day thanks to water weight and whatever, because of this, for a while, even though my weigh-in days were in the upper 230s, I would still see 240 every now and then, especially later in the day. I haven't seen 240 in over a week now and I couldn't be happier. Saturday's weigh-in also puts me at an overall weight loss of 27lbs since my heaviest. I have finally lost my first 10%. Now to focus on the next 5% and getting stronger.

I have another race next weekend, the Diva Dash 5K with obstacles. I'm looking forward to it. It will be my first obstacle course. I'm a little worried about some of them but knowing that you can bypass them if you struggle is making it a little easier to be excited for the race. Even though I am working out and getting a lot stronger, I am still seriously lacking in upper body strength and things like monkey bars scare me because my arms can't handle 235 yet. I don't know that anything like that will be part of the course, but if it is, I will be going around them. I'm just looking forward to a shorter distance again. I never thought I would think of a race as "just" 3 miles but I am glad that all of my upcoming races are just 5ks. I need to get better at the shorter distances so that I can train better for the longer ones later on.

I know I will be doing an 8K in September, the Wounded Warrior 8K in San Antonio. I have added a picture below that links you to my fundraiser page for the race. If you can, please consider giving to this cause that is very dear to my heart. I can't imagine what our wounded warriors go through and I pray that my husband never has to experience that but we know so many that have. This is the first race I have ever done with a fundraising requirement but I feel like it is worth it and a cause that more people need to be aware of.

Austin 10/20



Today I did my first big, non-Disney race and I think I chose wisely.  Even though this was the inaugural race, it was done very well. There were a few hiccups but nothing major. The course was laid out well and they had PLENTY of water stops. They didn't have any medical stops but there were ems guys on motorcycles that paced different groups so there was always one near you if you needed them. The bands were great and really helped distract you. Some were better than others of course but most of them were very very supportive and encouraging to the runners between their songs. A couple of them were more interested in promoting themselves but they majority of the bands were great about keeping us all motivated which was really nice for those of us int he back of the pack. 

There were just over 6,000 runners and I was in the last corral since I registered so late.We started a little late because they had a little trouble clearing the traffic from the course but around 8:05, they finally let us go. Less than 2/10 of a mile we were at the first band.   They were high energy and a great way to start the race. They were really troopers too because they played the longest of any band since we passed them at the beginning and the end or the course. They were still rocking out over two hours later when I came back by.  It wasn't long before we hit the next stage. Since I was so far back I was trying to make good time to get a comfortable distance from the back so I wasn't able to listen to them too much but what I could hear sounded great. We passed three stages within the first mile but I wasn't paying much attention to the third one because I was focused on the huge lie about the flat course. Yes, that course would be flat for some people but it wasn't as flat as they made it out to be. From around the half mile mark all the way passed the tow mile mark was a constant gradual incline. It was draining. By the time I hit the 5K mark I was happy with my time. I was averaging around a 15 minute mile. Since the pace requirement was 18 min/mile and I was doing well, I decided to slow down because I have only ran once since the Princess so I knew I was going to get tired quickly if I kept that pace. 


Another thing that made the race tough was the weather. It was so incredibly muggy because we had storms moving in. The wind was insane and it rained on us a few times. I was glad I had my sunglasses with me because there were several times that we were running into a head wind and then it would start raining so it was blowing directly into your face. I was so happy when I hit the 5 mile mark and knew I was half way. After the first 5K, I started walking. After mile 5 I decided to run a little more. Mile 6 ended up being a 14 minute mile. I was shocked, but my body was tired so I decided to start walking again. The first frustration with a band came around mile 5 1/2. They were going to stop playing but then one of the race officials near their stage told them they had to keep playing until the last person passed them. They weren't happy about performing until a guy on a bike rode up and said he was going to video them for YouTube. Then they got all excited and decided to perform again. Basically the same thing happened with next to last band as well. I understand it is a long time to be out there playing but that's why you plan accordingly. Choose songs that give each member a break every now and then so you can all keep playing. 


I started getting really tired about 5K from the finish. actually I don't think I was that tired, I think it was because I was over heating. The humidity was so bad and sweating didn't help cool you off. I kept drinking water and Gatorade at each stop but it didn't seem to help. Around mile 7 I realized my hands were so swollen I couldn't make a fist and my arms were swelling and made my elbows stiff. I was very red because I was very hot. I knew that I just needed to slow down and walk the rest even though I had planned to run the last 5K. I was starting to struggle a little and then I passed the most awesome band, Clyde and Clem’s Whiskey Business. They were great and the song they were singing when I went by was HILARIOUS. It was just what I needed that late in the race. I pushed on and soon I was back at the starting area and nearing the finish. One mistake that was made was the fact that the course was about half a mile longer than it was supposed to be. Mile 8 was actually closer to a mile and a half. Since I was are tired and so close to the end, I was pissed when I realized the mileage was wrong. There was an area on a divided road with runners on each side. The runners we were meeting were only about a half mile from the end and I really, really wanted to just jump the median and head to the finish. We were heading into The Domain which is a high end shopping area and the last mile wound through it. As we were going in, I experienced the first traffic control issue. All of  a sudden there were cars mixed in with the runners and it made me really nervous. What pissed me off more was that it was runners that had finished already. I felt like it was very disrespectful and they should have known better. 

Finally I made it to the end and got my absolutely awesome medal. Then I was able to get a cold towel and finally start to cool off. I made my way over to the headliner concert area and found my friend that came to watch me.  I made my way over to a grassy area to lie down because my back was bothering me. We sat and listened to Everclear and commented on the weather. You could see that the sky was getting really dark. All of a sudden, there was a huge gust of wind and it was frigid. Within 30 seconds, the temp dropped 15 degrees and you could feel the rain coming. Since we had about a half mile walk back to the car and since my friend had her little boy with her, we decided to head to the car to try to beat the rain. We hated missing out on the Everclear concert but we were glad that we left when we did because it started rain as we got to the car. 



It was a really tough race for me but all in all, the race was a ton of fun. Having all of the bands was great and they really did a good job considering it was the first year. I will definitely consider signing up for next years race and hopefully Mac can do it with me. 


My Medal




Here is a list of all the bands that were on the course.
Stage 1 & 17 (Mile 0.2 & 8.3)Sponsored by Endeavor Real Estate Group
SpaceRockers
The Space Rockers:
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….. Well not really.
Joining forces to fight intergalactic crime, five of the universe’s most famous superheroes traveled through space on their ship until one day they received a distress call. Earth has lost its groove!
The Space Rockers are a show band primarily focusing on Hip-Hop/ Dance music but also play hits from the 80′s and 90′s. The show is definitely unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
The Space Rockers mission……Make earthlings dance and bring groove back to the planet! To listen to The Space Rockers click here.



Stage 2 (Mile 0.6)
DangerCakes
Danger*Cakes:
Danger*Cakes is an all-female, rock ‘n’ roll, big band based in Austin, Texas. Fusing elements of rockabilly, soul, jazz and blues, the band aims to drop kick fans back into the early days of Rock ‘N’ Roll! For more information on Danger*Cakes click here!

  Stage 3 (Mile 1.2)
SeizetheEternal
Seize the Eternal:
Seize the Eternal launched late in 2009 to deliver powerful music and an unabated message of hope and life. In 2011, this indy Christian rock band released its self-titled debut CD and continues to take musical ground in 2012. For more information about Seize the Eternal click here.






Stage 4 (Mile 1.7) – Sponsored by Genesis Today Superfruit Beverage

LostElementLost Element:
Lost Elements music ranges from acoustic piano ballads to unique blends of guitar distortion and pristine vocals. Covering the likes of bands from The Fray to AC/DC, their originals however, have earned them “New Alternative Rock Band of The Year” from The Texas Buzz in late 2011. For more information on Lost Elements click here!





 Stage 5 (Mile 2.3) – Sponsored by Mercedes-Benz of Austin
DieselandDixie
Diesel and Dixie:
Rising from the darkness, Virginia drummer, Adam “The Hacksaw” Brady’s furious backwoods pounding was Floridafied by True Lawton’s “The Swamp’s a Burnin” electric guitar stylings. The duo began to create a fiercely hard-hitting original blend of blues-infused Southern Rock. To learn more about Diesel and Dixie click here.





 
Stage 6 (Mile 2.9) – Sponsored by Boundless Nutrition
BurningAvalance
Burning Avalanche:
Burning Avalanche plays rock & roll with passion and aggression. Dig in! What you can expect is an energetic rocking experience. They may often be found spinning The Stooges, Mc5, Mountain, Humble Pie, as well as other various dusty, worn down, warped, vinyl. To learn more about Burning Avalanche click here.

  
Stage 7 (Mile 3.4)
CastanedaProject
The Castaneda Project:
Chris Castaneda has recently shared the stage with such artist as Los Lonely Boys and Al Green… just to name a few. An open mind with open music, Chris plays with an intensity that can only be described as “Electrified”. To listen to The Castaneda Project click here.




 
Stage 8 (Mile 3.8) – Sponsored by Econo Auto Painting
Shaka
Shaka:
Shaka is a 3 piece band from McKinney, Texas. Just outside of Dallas.
“We play whatever we feel like playing and we love playing shows.” For more information on Shaka click here.




 Stage 9 (Mile 4.4)
ShinyEmpire
Chasing Lions:
Chasing Lions is a local Round Rock alternative/pop/punk band dedicated to showing you some love. Whether you believe in our God or any other God is not what matters best; what matters is that you know you are not worthless. click here.

  
 Stage 10 (Mile 4.9) – Sponsored by Under Armour
Black Ladder:
Black Ladder was formed by Ray Cardenas, Shane Lamb and Clarence Riley IV in 2009. With Influences ranging from classic progressive rock, funk and traditional Latin music, Black Ladder is one of Austin’s most original and exciting new bands. For more information on Black Ladder click here!





 Stage 11 (Mile 5.3) – Sponsored by Manchester Texas Financial Group
WePaintTheTown
We Paint The Town:
Austin native female fronted group “We Paint The Town”, brings a bigger/bolder sound to the pop punk genre. Expect a high energy performance backed by a wall of sound and sweet melody lines. For more information on We Paint the Town click here!

 
Stage 12 (Mile 5.7)
StillbornSkies
Stillborn Skies:
Originally from Hawaii, Stillborn Skies is three friends doing what they love most…putting on a show. Now permanent residents of Austin, Texas, the band shows how catchy tunes, constant harmonies, and non-stop energy can really fill a stage. To hear Stillborn Skies click here!
  

 Stage 13 (Mile 6.4) – Sponsored by Miller 64
WhiskeyBusiness
Clyde and Clem’s Whiskey Business:
Clyde and Clem’s Whiskey Business is an Austin band, with a unique bluegrass sound. Their music includes a washboard and cow bell that will motive you to run. To hear their music click here.



 
Stage 14 (Mile 7.0) – Sponsored by Luke’s Locker
FightingGemini
Fighting Gemini:
Full of passion for music, four music lovers come together and bring their own originality to the table to create the Fighting Gemini sound. Fighting Gemini is your new source for hot, main stream Alternative Rock is a fairly new band out of Houston,TX. For more information on Fighting Gemini click here!

 
Stage 15 (Mile 7.6) – Sponsored by IBM
Blue Diamonds:
Originally conceived in 2001 as an 18-piece jazz big band, The Blue Diamonds have morphed over the years to their current 8 member format which focuses more on funk, R&B, Latin, and classic rock. The Blue Diamonds are able to bring a wide range of music which is enjoyed by both those who want to fill a dance floor as well as those who prefer to sit back and “listen to the music”. For more information on The Blue Diamonds click here!

  Stage 16 (Mile 8.0) – Sponsored by TurnKey Operations
TheArtillery
The Artillery:
The Artillery is an edgy Alternative Rock band, based out of Round Rock, TX. Forged in 2002, they have 3 CD’s under their belt, with a 4th CD named ‘Lighthouse’ releasing Summer of 2012. With hard-hitting guitar riffs, and infectiously catchy vocals, The Artillery is sure to have your bouncing and hands clapping along with each song. For more information on The Artillery click here!



Stage 18 (Mile 9.0) – Sponsored by My Fit Foods
Woody Russell
RHYTHM AND BLUES AND BEYOND FROM THE HEART OF TEXAS- Woody Russell is a Featured Artist on the new television series that explores the lives of several Texas based singer-songwriters, “Troubadour, TX”, airing nationwide on the CW Network in over 20 million households. He is currently in production for a forthcoming album due for release in late 2012. For more informational on Woody Russell click here!




Stage 19 (Mile 9.3) – Sponsored by 3 Way Events
Brothers Grymm:
An army of sound is emerging from the tired and war-torn troops, determined to breathe life back into the Battle of Conventionality, wake the sleeping tyrant of the norm, and bring it to its knees. They are Brothers Grymn. For more information on them click here!

 

 
Stage 20 (Mile 9.9) – Sponsored by RREEF
Vallejo
Vallejo:
A striking blend of classic rock grooves, potent guitar work, Latin percussion and soulful lyrics has made VALLEJO one of the most popular bands to hail from Austin, Texas. For more about Vallejo click here!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Feel the Burn!

Holy crap, "Burn it up!" is INTENSE!

That is the phase 3 workout that I just tried and man, is it true to its name. And right now I look ROUGH, haha. Hopefully none of my neighbors were paying attention as I went outside to water my baby zucchini and squash plants(part of my food journey) in my SparkleTech skirt and crazy hair. I took off my headband and my hair was insane because of all the sweat.

It's crazy that this workout that I do in my house, under a ceiling fan, with the AC on can make me sweat more than I have ever sweat during a run even in the middle of the hottest summer in TX. That's what has been so crazy to me about this program. I have never really been one to sweat much. That was always something that confused me especially when I started running. At the end of a hard run I would just "glisten" but others I know would have sweat pouring everywhere. My husband sweats like crazy but it is never something I have done much, until now.

Phase three is an hour long workout that kicks up the intensity a few notches. I actually like the moves in this phase better than phase two and I think I am just going to go ahead and move on to it full time instead of alternating like I had planned. I can't do everything in it, of course, but I can do a lot. One thing that surprised me though was I had trouble with the pliƩ section which hasn't happened in the past. It isn't actually that I have trouble doing the moves, it is that the length of the section or something about the combination of moves causes my feet to cramp up and makes continuing the workout hard. That's why today was actually my second attempt at doing the phase 3 workout. I thought it was the shoes I was wearing last time so I changed to a different pair today but started having the same problem. When it came time to repeat the entire pliƩ section again, I opted to skip on to the next part which allowed me to be able to finish the workout. There were a few times that I was not able to do as many reps as she did or I had to modify a move here or there but I still did it. I can't do 2 sets of 15 push-ups but I can do a few now. By the time we were on the mats for the floor work I was sliding because I was so sweaty and a few times it actually dripped off my forehead on to the mat. The moves are a little more difficult but where the intensity really comes from is the overall pace of the workout is much faster. You really don't stop moving the entire time. Instead of marching between segments you are jogging or doing jumping jacks. Everything is just a little faster so you really get a great workout during those 60 minutes.

I'm getting a little more excited about the program again. There are still times when I think she is crazy and the number of reps on new moves are too high but I know that if I continue doing this 6 days a week for the next three weeks, by the time I am done I will be able to do them all(except the push-ups).

Thursday is going to be a big day for the food side of things because that will be my big shopping trip to Whole Foods. I am going to try to go through some of the recipes I have collected and make up my own meal plan. I can't use any of the ones I have found because too often they have a lot of things I won't eat in them. Then my plan is that when I make these meals, I will take them, divide them into their serving sizes, eat one and freeze the rest that way I am basically making my own microwavable meals instead of buying a ton of them all the time and having foods that are overly processed or contain things I am trying to cut out.

I will get this all figured out. I know I will.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Pulling Away

I've been pulling away from the blogging community for a while and I am sorry.


When I started struggling, I started feeling like I didn't have anything useful to say. I felt like if I really started talking about my struggles, I would lose what few readers I have because who wants to read about the negatives. People I've met and people that comment on here all the time talk about how I have inspired them. This really baffles me most of the time but it also made me feel like I had to be a motivation to help continue to inspire people. I can't struggle and inspire anyone. I started pulling away more and more as I realized how little I really had figured out and I felt like I couldn't be inspirational to anyone because I still have so much to learn. I keep thinking of things to post but something always stops me. I wonder if it will be good enough to help someone in their own struggles or if it will just make people think I'm just another loser that will never change.

I've learned a lot since this journey began. I really think I have figured out the running thing for me. It took a lot of trial and error but I finally found what worked enough for me to allow me to finish two half marathons within a month. I haven't kept up with my regular runs like I should but that is mostly because I have been focusing on the new workout program. I truly believe the workouts I have been doing is what allowed me to have the awesome run that I did two weeks ago. I have a few more things to introduce but I feel like I have a pretty good handle on the physical part of this journey. I have found things that I enjoy. I am continuing to sign up for races to keep my legs moving. And I have found workouts that are making me stronger and helping me get my heart rate up. When it comes to activity, things are really starting to click.

Thee problem is that's not enough. So much of this battle is mental and nutritional. I have not been able to get a firm grasp on the food. I will do really well and then it will all fall apart. Sometimes it is emotional, sometimes it is convenience,  and sometimes it is just frustration with not knowing where to go next. I've been trying to find recipes and ideas for meals I can make at home that are tasty and healthy and fit my picky palate. I've been collecting recipes and meal plans for weeks now but I have yet to use them. I am going to try to change that this week. I have to go to Austin to pick up my race packet for next weekend and I am planning on stopping in Whole Foods and Central Market to pick up some really great, natural groceries. I'm trying to clean up what is going into my body by changing the quality of food while also being aware of the quantity.  I'm not going crazy with it just making better choices and until I can trust myself around regular items, I think it will be easier to shop in an environment where they are pickier about the contents than I am.

I'm saying all of this to say, I'm still trying, I'm still here, and I am going to try to share more as this journey progresses. I'm going to try to start posting things like recipes I find that I really love, products that have helped me,  all the crap no one wants to talk about when you are a fat woman trying to get healthy and of course any victories I have along the way.  But it also means it won't all be rainbows and sunshine because this food thing is going to be a big struggle before I get it all figured out. Just bear with me and hopefully we can all get through this together.