So I figured I would let you all know about the decision that Lindsey and I came to today about the 10 Day challenge. I have been having a hard time due to stress and all the things that come with the end of a deployment so my focus has not been fully where it should be. Even though I have made some progress and done alright in some areas, I have fallen short in others and I have not used this time to its fullest. For that reason I am no longer officially participating in this 10 Day Challenge but instead I will take part in her November challenge after my husband has returned. I'm so happy that she was understanding of my situation and gave me this option instead of allowing me to feel like I failed when sometimes life just gets in the way. I look forward to taking the challenge much more seriously next month and having the accountability of my husband as well. I was so excited about participating because I felt like it would be a great way to get a good head start on the next few months and while I still feel like it could do that for me, I feel like this was simply bad timing. I look forward to seeing what I can really accomplish when my head is on better and my life feels a little more normal.
That does not mean I am going to slack off over the next few weeks. I am still going to try to watch what I am eating and get back into my regular workouts, I am just getting rid of the added stress of the challenge while I have so many other things to worry about.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Why
At the beginning of the 10 Day Challenge, Lindsey asked us what our why was and asked us to share it with her. It took me a little while to figure out my why for the challenge but I have known my whys for my journey ever since I really got serious about it.
It is very important to have a very clear understanding of your "whys" when you are on a journey to getting healthy. Not only why you want to be healthy, but also why you need to get healthy. I don't mean the nutritional benefits or for your family but what caused you to get to a point where you needed to change. What got you to the point of needing to exercise and eat better. What were you eating and WHY? People don't always realize it but so much of why we end up in those bad places has to do with low self esteem, feeling worthless or lost. Emotional eating or just giving up on yourself. I am about to share my "why" for doing the 10 Day Challenge that I shared with her, but within it is a big "why" for how I ended up needing this journey so badly. What follows was taken directly from the email I sent her.
Earlier you asked for our "why." I haven't answered because there is a lot to mine, especially concerning my journey as a whole. But I finally figured out my why for this part of my journey other than helping me get back on track and heading where I want to be. My why is to say goodbye to 240 forever. Ever since my husband deployed last November I have yo-yoed between 240 and 235. I have been proud of myself that despite the issues I have had this deployment, I have not gained much weight back but I can't seem to leave 240 behind. Every time I lose a few pounds, something happens and I slip up and I always see 240 again. I haven't let myself get over 240 but I can't seem to leave it behind.
I remember when I hit 240 the first time. It was almost five years ago(January will be 5 years) Mac had just commissioned and started his army career that September, on September 30th we celebrated our first anniversary and in October I moved to El Paso to live in a hotel with him for 5 months. I knew I had had been gaining weight since we got married(and before) and so while in El Paso, I decided to try to get in shape since I had nothing else to do while he was in classes. I went to walmart and bought a scale and I was in the 230s at the time. The longer we lived in that hotel room, the more we ate out and the these I did. I was in a strange place, far from family and friends and living out of a suitcase. I was sad and lonely. I remember when I hit 239, I swore I was never going to hit 240 and tried to start working out. There was an indoor pool just across the street from out hotel and we were allowed to use it. I used to love to swim so I decided I would go. I went in and I was immediately intimidated by the soldiers in there swimming. I still got in the pool but after about 2 laps, I had to get out because I started having a panic attack. I was so ashamed of what I had become and so intimidated by how fit the people around me were that I could not stop crying or catch my breathe. I calmed down enough to get to the locker run and collect my things before crying all the way back to our room. I was so ashamed. the next week I hit 240 and I think that is when I really just gave up. I would "try" to get in shape or lose weight but it was never wholehearted from that point on. Not until the day I tried to do the Princess the first time. That was the day that everything changed and those 8 miles saved my life.
It's time for me to leave 240 behind forever. As of right now, the scale says 235 and hopefully I will keep moving forward. I haven't really been working out the way I should but I am determined that this week, I will get back into my insanity workouts on a regular basis and I will continue to make strides in the right direction. I won't be where I want to be when Mac gets home but I will still be a better me and once he is here, we will begin our half training together. He will also make the cooking easier since I will finally be cooking for more than just myself.
It is very important to have a very clear understanding of your "whys" when you are on a journey to getting healthy. Not only why you want to be healthy, but also why you need to get healthy. I don't mean the nutritional benefits or for your family but what caused you to get to a point where you needed to change. What got you to the point of needing to exercise and eat better. What were you eating and WHY? People don't always realize it but so much of why we end up in those bad places has to do with low self esteem, feeling worthless or lost. Emotional eating or just giving up on yourself. I am about to share my "why" for doing the 10 Day Challenge that I shared with her, but within it is a big "why" for how I ended up needing this journey so badly. What follows was taken directly from the email I sent her.
Earlier you asked for our "why." I haven't answered because there is a lot to mine, especially concerning my journey as a whole. But I finally figured out my why for this part of my journey other than helping me get back on track and heading where I want to be. My why is to say goodbye to 240 forever. Ever since my husband deployed last November I have yo-yoed between 240 and 235. I have been proud of myself that despite the issues I have had this deployment, I have not gained much weight back but I can't seem to leave 240 behind. Every time I lose a few pounds, something happens and I slip up and I always see 240 again. I haven't let myself get over 240 but I can't seem to leave it behind.
I remember when I hit 240 the first time. It was almost five years ago(January will be 5 years) Mac had just commissioned and started his army career that September, on September 30th we celebrated our first anniversary and in October I moved to El Paso to live in a hotel with him for 5 months. I knew I had had been gaining weight since we got married(and before) and so while in El Paso, I decided to try to get in shape since I had nothing else to do while he was in classes. I went to walmart and bought a scale and I was in the 230s at the time. The longer we lived in that hotel room, the more we ate out and the these I did. I was in a strange place, far from family and friends and living out of a suitcase. I was sad and lonely. I remember when I hit 239, I swore I was never going to hit 240 and tried to start working out. There was an indoor pool just across the street from out hotel and we were allowed to use it. I used to love to swim so I decided I would go. I went in and I was immediately intimidated by the soldiers in there swimming. I still got in the pool but after about 2 laps, I had to get out because I started having a panic attack. I was so ashamed of what I had become and so intimidated by how fit the people around me were that I could not stop crying or catch my breathe. I calmed down enough to get to the locker run and collect my things before crying all the way back to our room. I was so ashamed. the next week I hit 240 and I think that is when I really just gave up. I would "try" to get in shape or lose weight but it was never wholehearted from that point on. Not until the day I tried to do the Princess the first time. That was the day that everything changed and those 8 miles saved my life.
It's time for me to leave 240 behind forever. As of right now, the scale says 235 and hopefully I will keep moving forward. I haven't really been working out the way I should but I am determined that this week, I will get back into my insanity workouts on a regular basis and I will continue to make strides in the right direction. I won't be where I want to be when Mac gets home but I will still be a better me and once he is here, we will begin our half training together. He will also make the cooking easier since I will finally be cooking for more than just myself.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
10 Day Challenge - The begining
So with the end of this deployment quickly approaching, I have hit full on panic mode because I am not where I wanted to be when Mac came home. I have not accomplished the things I wanted to while he was gone and I don't want to fall into old patterns. Don't get me wrong, I have made a lot of strides and I am in better shape than I was when he left. I am in a LOT better shape than I was when he left but no one can see that because I am basically the same size that I was. I have lost a little weight but not a lot. Even though I have completed two half marathons, a ten miler, 2 obstacle course 5Ks and an 8K in the past 10 months, I don't really look very different. I can see some of the changes, but no one else can. When I tell people I have done two half marathons this year, I still get the same baffled expression as they try to figure out why I am still so fat if I can do that. The reason why is because even though I have figured out the fitness part, I have let the food slide. It is so incredibly hard to cook for just one person. I have tried to make the right decisions but so many times, easy wins out. I was doing really well for the last half of my first month of Insanity. I actually dropped about 6 lbs when I got the food right. I was drinking only water and eating mostly clean. I felt good and I was seeing results. Unfortunately everything fell apart when I got sick and then reacted to the meds. It totally knocked me off of my game and I have been struggling to find my way back.
That is why I have decided to do this 10 day challenge with Beachbody coach Lindsey. As part of the challenge, Lindsey gives us a 10 day meal plan as well as a 10 day supply of Shakeology. I will be doing Insanity again Since I am determined to see it through to the end. As you know from past posts, I have tried Shakeology before and I like it, I just typically have a hard time sticking with it. I am hoping that as part of this challenge, I will have the incentive and the accountability to make sure I stick with everything every day. The biggest reason I decided to do this challenge was for the meal plan. I needed ideas for healthy meals and getting that meal plan has actually made me excited about what I am going to be eating the next 10 days. I went down to Central Market(basically Whole Foods but only in TX) this weekend and stocked up on fresh produce and all natural ingredients for my meals.
I'm excited about the possibilities and I am hopeful about my results. Once the challenge wraps up and I will do a recap of my time and let you know how it goes. For now, here is the info on the challenge I am participating in. At the end of the challenge, I will post info on her November challenge in case any of you would like to participate.
That is why I have decided to do this 10 day challenge with Beachbody coach Lindsey. As part of the challenge, Lindsey gives us a 10 day meal plan as well as a 10 day supply of Shakeology. I will be doing Insanity again Since I am determined to see it through to the end. As you know from past posts, I have tried Shakeology before and I like it, I just typically have a hard time sticking with it. I am hoping that as part of this challenge, I will have the incentive and the accountability to make sure I stick with everything every day. The biggest reason I decided to do this challenge was for the meal plan. I needed ideas for healthy meals and getting that meal plan has actually made me excited about what I am going to be eating the next 10 days. I went down to Central Market(basically Whole Foods but only in TX) this weekend and stocked up on fresh produce and all natural ingredients for my meals.
I'm excited about the possibilities and I am hopeful about my results. Once the challenge wraps up and I will do a recap of my time and let you know how it goes. For now, here is the info on the challenge I am participating in. At the end of the challenge, I will post info on her November challenge in case any of you would like to participate.
Wounded Warrior 8K Recap
Sorry this is a little late but life got very crazy right after this race. Better late than never, here is my race recap of the Wounded Warrior 8K on September 16th in San Antonio, TX.
To say that the Wounded Warrior Race was my toughest race to date would be an understatement. Yes, this race that was just under 5 miles was harder than any of the half marathons I have done or tried to do. The conditions were MISERABLE.
I've been in TX for almost 5 years now so I have gotten very used to the dry weather and heat. The first year we lived here we got a decent amount of rain for TX but it was still very sporadic. Well, this year we have gotten the most rain I think I have seen since we have been here. It was still only really in the spring and then some in the late summer. I think that is why the weather the weekend of the race caught me so off guard. Even though I knew there was rain in the area, I never expected it to rain as much as it did so I was not fully prepared. I did not have a rain coat or less"breathable" shoes and most importantly, I didn't have a hat. I can handle rain as long as it isn't in my face and not having a hat was a huge part of the problem. I thought about going to find a store to buy one the night before but I noticed that the website said they would have WW merchandise on hand so I figured I could just pick one up at the race. WRONG! The only things they had were water bottles and stretchy bracelets. I knew right then that it was going to be a big problem. There were several times while we were sitting there waiting that I thought about just going home. I had already raised the money for Wounded Warrior Project and they would get that whether I ran or not. Honestly, had the race been closer to home, I wouldn't have done it. But because it was a 2 1/2 hour drive down there and I had gotten a hotel the night before, I figured it would be stupid to spend that money and then not run the race. Thank God, the hotel had a noon check out time because that gave me enough time after the race to take a shower and warm up before I had to be out of there.
To say that the Wounded Warrior Race was my toughest race to date would be an understatement. Yes, this race that was just under 5 miles was harder than any of the half marathons I have done or tried to do. The conditions were MISERABLE.
I've been in TX for almost 5 years now so I have gotten very used to the dry weather and heat. The first year we lived here we got a decent amount of rain for TX but it was still very sporadic. Well, this year we have gotten the most rain I think I have seen since we have been here. It was still only really in the spring and then some in the late summer. I think that is why the weather the weekend of the race caught me so off guard. Even though I knew there was rain in the area, I never expected it to rain as much as it did so I was not fully prepared. I did not have a rain coat or less"breathable" shoes and most importantly, I didn't have a hat. I can handle rain as long as it isn't in my face and not having a hat was a huge part of the problem. I thought about going to find a store to buy one the night before but I noticed that the website said they would have WW merchandise on hand so I figured I could just pick one up at the race. WRONG! The only things they had were water bottles and stretchy bracelets. I knew right then that it was going to be a big problem. There were several times while we were sitting there waiting that I thought about just going home. I had already raised the money for Wounded Warrior Project and they would get that whether I ran or not. Honestly, had the race been closer to home, I wouldn't have done it. But because it was a 2 1/2 hour drive down there and I had gotten a hotel the night before, I figured it would be stupid to spend that money and then not run the race. Thank God, the hotel had a noon check out time because that gave me enough time after the race to take a shower and warm up before I had to be out of there.
As we waited for the race to start it started raining harder and harder. This pic shows the puddle next to the shelter that kept growing as we waited.
By the time the race actually started it was coming down really good and had been raining long enough that there was water standing everywhere. The race was in a park on a trial that would have been very very nice, had it not been raining. It was all under trees so it would have been shaded but instead it meant we were being pelted with giant drops falling off of the leaves instead of just the rain. There were at least 8 times that I had to run in ankle deep(or deeper) water. These weren't little puddles you could go around either. They were typically at least 10 feet of the trail and no way around. One of them was about 50 feet long and running water that was rushing down a slope next to the trail. I ran the first 2 miles of the race in my hoodie because at least that kept me warmer and the rain out of my eyes but after mile 2 I found a volunteer that was willing to take it back to the start for me because it weighed at least 10 lbs( literally, I weighed it when I got home and it was 10lbs. after it had dried some)
I did my best to do my intervals even though every part of me just wanted to say "screw it" and go home. I knew the entire time that I could have done better if the weather had been good but regardless, I was going to do the best that I could given the circumstances. By the end of the race, I was tired, pissed, cold, soaked to the bone and miserable. As I finally saw the finish line, I pushed harder trying to finish strong. As I crossed the line, the announcer congratulated me and then said "Hey, Beautiful, you did it!" I kept moving forward and didn't think anything of it. Then he said again, "Hey, Beautiful, turn around!" Knowing I was the only one there at the time I knew he was talking to me so I turned and smiled at him. Then he said, "There you go, smile, it's over now, you did it." He was right, I did it. I know I wasn't even close to being beautiful in that moment but I had done it.
My head was burning from me wiping it so much trying to keep the water out of my eyes and the inside of my arms were on FIRE from being rubbed against my wet shirt while I ran. I grabbed my stuff and headed to the car, knowing that even though it sucked and even though it was the hardest race yet, I did my best and walked away with a PR.
This is me right after the race, soaking wet and just wanting to be warm and dry. Fortunately, my phone is water resistant and I was still able to use it for my intervals and music during the race.
This is what the rub marks on my arms looked like. It was so incredibly painful but fortunately it healed quickly.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
MIA
Sorry I have been MIA lately. So much has been going on. I have had some highs and lows through the last few weeks, and I have a few things I need to post about. The main thing I need to do is recap the Wounded Warrior 8K that I ran on Sept 16th. I am glad I did it but it was definitely my toughest race so far due to the conditions of the day. I've been back home in Georgia for that last two weeks for a trip with my best friend and for a wedding that my mom and I were basically the wedding planners for. I haven't kept up with food and exercise like I really wanted to but I am not beating myself up about it either. I will be back home in a few days and I plan to kick it into high gear these last few weeks until Mac comes home especially. Then once he is here we will begin training and working out together. Hopefully I will get a chance to really post once I am back in TX. Please bear with me and thanks for sticking around.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Forward Motion
So I just did my workout for the day and cried when I was done.
I have been so scared of starting back because of how long it has been since I did my last workout and how sick I was two weeks ago. I was so afraid I wasn't going to be able to do it or that I was going to be starting from scratch. I pushed myself harder than ever before and I was shocked at how well I did. I was exhausted and I had to stop a few times but I did it. I was able to do more than I expected to do and at a higher intensity. I was so happy when I was done that I actually started to cry.
It was good to get that first workout out of the way. I was supposed to start back last week but I let my whirlwind trip to Georgia keep me derailed a little longer. It was a good excuse but the real reason was that I was scared. After the sinus infection and medication issues and all that went along with all of that, I was completely sidelined for two weeks. I tried to workout a couple of times while I was sick or on the stronger meds and I just couldn't do it. My body was not able to handle it all at once. Not doing ANYTHING for two full weeks scared the crap out of me and so I ended up spending another week not really doing the things that I should. I ate horribly, sometimes because I didn't have a ton of choices(airports) and other times because I just gave in to the excuses. I can't wait to get back into a better food routine again because I felt like CRAP while I was eating crappy food, imagine that.
It is hitting me how soon it will be before my husband is home and how I haven't done everything I had planned during this deployment. I am not letting that get me down though. I do better when Mac is here with me. he is my best friend and my biggest supporter. Plus when he gets home we will start training for the Princess so we will be working out together. I'm going to do my best to make a difference during the final weeks of this deployment and then continue to work hard once he is home.
I was talking with a couple friends the other day and I mentioned the goal that I set for myself to be in better shape by my 30th birthday. It hit me that my 30th birthday is closer than I would like but I still have about 8 months to really make a big change. I am so much more confident of that fact as I sit here now than I have ever been before.
I have been so scared of starting back because of how long it has been since I did my last workout and how sick I was two weeks ago. I was so afraid I wasn't going to be able to do it or that I was going to be starting from scratch. I pushed myself harder than ever before and I was shocked at how well I did. I was exhausted and I had to stop a few times but I did it. I was able to do more than I expected to do and at a higher intensity. I was so happy when I was done that I actually started to cry.
It was good to get that first workout out of the way. I was supposed to start back last week but I let my whirlwind trip to Georgia keep me derailed a little longer. It was a good excuse but the real reason was that I was scared. After the sinus infection and medication issues and all that went along with all of that, I was completely sidelined for two weeks. I tried to workout a couple of times while I was sick or on the stronger meds and I just couldn't do it. My body was not able to handle it all at once. Not doing ANYTHING for two full weeks scared the crap out of me and so I ended up spending another week not really doing the things that I should. I ate horribly, sometimes because I didn't have a ton of choices(airports) and other times because I just gave in to the excuses. I can't wait to get back into a better food routine again because I felt like CRAP while I was eating crappy food, imagine that.
It is hitting me how soon it will be before my husband is home and how I haven't done everything I had planned during this deployment. I am not letting that get me down though. I do better when Mac is here with me. he is my best friend and my biggest supporter. Plus when he gets home we will start training for the Princess so we will be working out together. I'm going to do my best to make a difference during the final weeks of this deployment and then continue to work hard once he is home.
I was talking with a couple friends the other day and I mentioned the goal that I set for myself to be in better shape by my 30th birthday. It hit me that my 30th birthday is closer than I would like but I still have about 8 months to really make a big change. I am so much more confident of that fact as I sit here now than I have ever been before.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Finding Myself
I have come to realize during this journey that I have been slowly losing pieces of myself over the last few years. Things that I once loved have been missing from my life for quite a while and I want to get them back. My lack of self confidence and self worth have bled over into other areas and robbed me of the things that once brought me joy.
My insecurities with my physical appearance and ability have tainted my feelings towards things that I once loved and felt good about. I've always been a creative person and found outlets in things like photography and crafting. I used to build things all the time and it has been forever since I have truly created anything. I have let my photography slip onto the back burner because I felt that I wasn't as talented as I once believed and therefore I shouldn't continue. I miss having these creative outlets and though I have had a million ideas, I have not followed through for fear of failure and rejection and allowing my insecurities to win.
I've decided to take steps to bring these things back into my life. As I do that, I may end up talking about them here. No this isn't a part of my diet or workout routine but it is a part of finding myself which is the number one thing that has to happen if I want to succeed. I have a lot going on over the next two months. I hope to find the time and energy to get it all done and share it with you. I am trying to fill my time to keep me from going crazy during the last weeks of this deployment.
I want to feel like me again.
My insecurities with my physical appearance and ability have tainted my feelings towards things that I once loved and felt good about. I've always been a creative person and found outlets in things like photography and crafting. I used to build things all the time and it has been forever since I have truly created anything. I have let my photography slip onto the back burner because I felt that I wasn't as talented as I once believed and therefore I shouldn't continue. I miss having these creative outlets and though I have had a million ideas, I have not followed through for fear of failure and rejection and allowing my insecurities to win.
I've decided to take steps to bring these things back into my life. As I do that, I may end up talking about them here. No this isn't a part of my diet or workout routine but it is a part of finding myself which is the number one thing that has to happen if I want to succeed. I have a lot going on over the next two months. I hope to find the time and energy to get it all done and share it with you. I am trying to fill my time to keep me from going crazy during the last weeks of this deployment.
I want to feel like me again.
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