5 miles

So as per the Galloway training schedule, I did 5 miles tonight. I feel good. Better than I expected. They weren't great but my pace was better than I thought. The whole point was to finish them, and though I want to be faster by the race, if I end up at that same pace, I will more than likely finish if I have a good starting corral.

I also started something new this week. I want to talk about it more but I actually need to learn more about it first. Today was our first meeting and it was more of an orientation. Next week things will really kick off and I can better explain all of it. But as part of this program, I can purchase discounted food from a company that makes fresh refrigerated meals that are all natural and mostly gluten free. We were given coupons for free samples today and Mac and I went to pick some up. I was a little skeptical at first but they are DELICIOUS. I am really looking forward to trying more things from there and having a way to have good healthy meals while Mac is deployed, because cooking for one sucks.

And on that note. I am going to do my best to keep my training going but I can't guarantee many posts in the coming weeks. Things are about to get really tough and I always need some time to process before I can get back to normal so please bear with me. 

I am a Penguin

A while back I wrote the post Embrace your Pace. I received a comment on it about the penguin runners but had no idea what they were and didn't bother to look it up at the time. Part of me wishes I had but then another part is glad I didn't because I think finding them now was the best thing.

Back in September, I reposted a post I had written last year when I decided to do the 2011 Princess. In the post I talked about how a picture of a shirt with a quote was what really gave me the kick to make the decision. The quote was,

The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start. -John J. Bingham.

I think I may have passingly noticed that it had a little picture of a penguin by his name but I didn't really pay much attention to it.

Then, last month, I was scouring the internet looking for a shirt that a girl posted to an online group. I was using the expo vendors list for the wine and dine to check each website to see if I could figure out who had the shirt for her. One of the websites I looked at was One More Mile Running. While I was checking their site I noticed on the right side bar a picture of a penguin and the words penguin gear beneath it. I was intrigued so I opened it in a new tab and continued searching with intentions to go back and check it out later. Once I had given up on my search, I clicked the tab to check out what Penguin Gear was. As I read the little blurb at the top I was even more interested:

One More Mile partners with John "The Penguin" Bingham!
One More Mile and John Bingham have the same philosophy: that running is more about having fun and less about putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Now you can get Penguin gear from One More Mile! 

And then, when I clicked on the shirts, there it was, the shirt and quote that started it all. I had to know more so I clicked on the link for John Bingham's website.  As I read What is a Penguin? I knew I had found my place. As I read through "You might be a Penguin if... " I had to laugh because I knew the feeling all too well with the police car, the truck with the cones and the award ceremony. It felt good to find all of this. It reminded me that I am not alone in my fight. There are lots of people out there that aren't the best runners but still run. Just because I am slow, doesn't mean I am not a runner.

With all of this, I have wholeheartedly embraced that I AM A PENGUIN!! Mac and I visited Sea World recently and they had these awesome car decals of all the animals, one of course being a penguin. I plan to cut off the Sea World Logo and just put the penguin on the car with my turtle sticker. I'm sure at some point I will get a shirt or magnet from Penguin Gear. I've always loved penguins, so it almost feels fitting.

This of course leads me to something I alluded to in the last post. I have decided on my running costume for both races. Hehehe. I already have things in the works to transform this everyday runner into a real penguin runner.  You'll have to wait until after the Tinkerbell to see a pic of the fairy penguin but I am certain it will be well worth the wait. Then with a few small changes she will turn into a princes penguin for the Princess Half. I'm so incredibly EXCITED!!!

(It feels so good to be excited again.)

If anyone here is a member of Fitocracy and you feel you are a Penguin, feel free to join the Penguin Runners group I started.  If you are not a member of Fitocracy but would like to be, Click Here to use my invite code or give me your email address and I will send you an invite. Fitocracy is a fun way to track all of your activities and connect with others.

Excitement

I'm starting to get excited about the races again. I have been so overwhelmed and frustrated lately that it has been hard. I'm gaining a little more confidence and that has helped. I know one of the reasons is that I am trying to focus more on the fun parts of it all right now instead of thinking about my husbands deployment that starts WAY TOO SOON. I need things to focus on while he is gone so I don't waste too much time missing him and being said. Yes, I will miss him and, yes, I will be sad, but I also need to keep moving forward and reach the goals this deployment that I wanted to last time.

I have so much that I want to talk about but little focus to do it at the moment. I have decided on my costume for both races and I am SO EXCITED but I want to talk about my inspiration for the costume first so that will have to wait until I can get that one written.

It feels really good to be looking forward to all of this again instead of just dreading it. Nothing major has happened to change my outlook, I simply kept moving forward. I still have a long way to go but I am starting to see the possibilities of success instead of just inevitable failure.

Getting back into the swing of things.

That's what part of this week has been about. Trying to get back on track and back into a routine. It's been a little challenging because we aren't at home but we have found the time to get my runs in.

A while back I talked about starting the Princess training plan early enough to finish it for the Tinkerbell. Well, that didn't work, so I started it again in time to finish it for the Princess. I was a little worried at first since I have the Tink first but Galloway includes it in the plan so it works out fine. It also helps with something else I had been worrying about. I wasn't sure how to keep training between the two so this solves that problem as well. I've hit a few bumps in the road since I started the training plan but they have been minor and I have been getting it done. I was knocked off schedule this past weekend but I haven't let it get in the way too much.

Sometimes people are more important and that was the case this past Saturday. While I should have been out running 4 miles. I was sitting at a friend's house. She recently lost someone and her husband was deployed( he just arrived home yesterday for emergency leave.)  She just needed a friend so I took her food and we just sat and talked for a few hours. Sunday, Mac and I had to pack and leave for our trip. He actually did all of the packing because I had some business I had to take care of before we could leave. I had considered running once we arrived but it was so late that I put it off. I finally got my 4 miles in on Monday. It ended up going better than I expected which was nice. It means that I am a few days off schedule but not so much that I can't get back on.

Tonight we did my 30 minute run and I will do another on Friday. Then after we get home on Sunday I will do my 2 miles and then I can get back to the Tues, Thur, Sat schedule. I'm really trying to get back on track 100%. I know that I need to keep everything up but that is going to be hard during the coming weeks as I deal with my husband deploying. But I know that if I don't get it together now, it will be impossible to do it then. It's going to be hard once he leaves but I need running to be my constant while the rest of my world is turned upside down.

Still alive

I'm still alive and kicking, it has just been crazy around here lately. Mac and I just got back last night from our fun filled 2 day whirlwind trip to Disneyland. I will try to post a few things soon about recent goings on.

For now I will leave you with this. These were our costumes for Mickey's Halloween Party.

Honesty Time - There's a Reason It's Called a Battle

I have not been doing so hot lately. I have truly been on the verge of just giving up completely. I'm been frustrated and upset and just completely discouraged. I've been making excuses and trying to fake it but the reality is I just feel defeated. I haven't seen any real results in a while and I am just having a very hard time with it.

Part of the last two weeks I have been blaming on The company and party we had last weekend. That really did have an affect on everything but not for the reasons people think. It wasn't just because they were here and we were hanging out and having a good time. It was mostly because I was so down on myself that I really just let everything go. I love that they came, and I had a ton of fun with them and at the party. But I have been having a really hard time since the party. I have really just hidden from the world. Partly because I have been sick, but mostly because I have been ashamed. All of my friends that were here have been posting pictures of the party and they make me cringe. Everyone talks about how great I looked and how awesome my dress was and I think they are all just lying to me to make me feel better. I see those pictures and all I want to do is cry. How did I let myself get to this place. How did I let it get so bad that after losing almost 30 lbs I still look that horrible. It really just breaks my heart. My best friend from home was trying to tell me that I need to look past all of that and see the beautiful person that I am but I can't. I'm just not in a place where that is possible right now.

I am trying to fight back. I am trying to keep going. I ran tonight for the first time in 2 weeks. It was good, not great, but good. I'm restarting the Galloway program just in time to finish it at the Princess. The Tinkerbell will be one of my long runs. I'm really having to dig deeply to pull out the strength to keep moving forward because right now, all I really want to do is quit.

I've said several times that the only way I am going to be successful is to be completely honest and that is exactly what this post is.

I still want to write a recap post about the weekend and the party and I will, hopefully this weekend. I will even include a few pics. I will also post about the crazy trip my husband and I will be going on soon. It's our anniversary present to each other and I am so excited.

Until then, I wish you all the success in the world on your personal journey and an understanding that it is not always easy. 

Sorry

Sorry  it's been a little quite here lately. I have been running around trying to get things ready for the big anniversary party Mac and I had this past weekend. We had four of our closest friends come in for the weekend with the first arriving last Thursday. That means nothing has been normal here for the past few days, and I loved it. Unfortunately it also means I was not running or doing WW quite like I should. It is just so hard right now because I feel like there are more important things right now like spending time with my husband before he leaves. That is sneaking up on me and I am not at all happy about it.

I will try my best to post again soon but it may be completely unrelated to running or WW. I really want to write a recap of the crazy weekend we had so I will probably post that first and then get back into the swing of training and WW again.

So yeah, I just wanted to let everyone know that I am still here, I've just been distracted.