I've done a lot of thinking lately about something I've been struggling with since this running journey began. I've struggled with being ashamed of my pace. I know that seems stupid but it is true. I know everyone always says, "at least you're running" or "you're lapping everyone on the couch." And while that may be true, the same people that say that are many times the same ones that make me ashamed of my pace.
For the past year, I have made it a point to very rarely mention my actual pace. Usually I just say I'm slow. Unfortunately, that opens the door for people to unknowingly make me feel bad. People respond with comments like, "It's ok, I'm slow too. I can only keep an average pace of around 13 min mile." Well, I would love to have that pace and for me, that would not be slow." Or on forums people will worry about being swept and say they can only do a 14 min mile. That is 2 minutes below the required pace and unless you stop for 10-15 minutes at every character, you won't have a problem at all. I know, I was swept last year. The worst are the people that hove no idea what they are posting has an affect on me. It's the status updates from friends of mine that talk about how they had a horrible run because they could only do a 10 minute mile. Or they post their run times and then comment on it with something about how they are waiting to be ridiculed for being so slow. If you expect ridicule for a 10 min mile, I need to stop talking about running all together.
My overall pace for the run is going to be right around a 16 min mile. That's what I did for the Tinkerbell and that is what I will do my best to do again for the Princess. So when I say I am slow, I mean I am slow. I am on the verge of being too slow. Thankfully I will have a good corral position which will give me cushioning so that I don't have to stress too much. Granted this is my average pace which is an average of my walking and running paces. I can run faster than that but not for very long and definitely not for 13 miles. I walk slowly which brings my average pace down. I am walking faster than I used to but I am still slow. However, I HAVE to walk. If I try to run the entire thing, I would run slower than a 16 min mile. The first time I ever ran a full 5K I ran a 16:30 pace and hurt EVERYWHERE after. With the intervals I am actually a little faster and my body recovers so much quicker.Truthfully, I can run a 10 min/mile pace and I do, a lot of my run intervals at the pace. But for the half I will try to keep it closer to 12 min/mile. That is what will keep my body fresh and help me to finish the half this year.
I know that I am doing everything right for me. I know that I have figured out the right time intervals and paces. I know that I can finish this half. But I also know that people still make me feel bad about how I do it even though they never mean to do it. I just wish people would stop making assumptions about what I mean when I say I am slow and leave it alone. Many time the "encouragement" has the total opposite effect. I still have a long way to go and I know I will only get better as I move forward. I just wish it was easier to talk about these things and not feel judged or belittled while doing it.
I HAVE FINISHED A HALF MARATHON! How many people can actually say that. I can! And I love that but I hate the look I see flash over people's faces when I say it. I am fully aware of the fact that I am fat and that doing a half marathon at my size seems baffling to you. In a lot of way, it baffles me too. But this is part of my journey to a new me, not the destination. Some people decide to get in shape so they can do a half, I decided to use half marathons to help me get in shape and become the woman I want to be. I have one down. Hopefully, number two will be completed in a week and then I will focus on just finding a routine and other workout outlets until it is time to train for the Wine and Dine in November where I am hoping my pace will be a little quicker.
For the past year, I have made it a point to very rarely mention my actual pace. Usually I just say I'm slow. Unfortunately, that opens the door for people to unknowingly make me feel bad. People respond with comments like, "It's ok, I'm slow too. I can only keep an average pace of around 13 min mile." Well, I would love to have that pace and for me, that would not be slow." Or on forums people will worry about being swept and say they can only do a 14 min mile. That is 2 minutes below the required pace and unless you stop for 10-15 minutes at every character, you won't have a problem at all. I know, I was swept last year. The worst are the people that hove no idea what they are posting has an affect on me. It's the status updates from friends of mine that talk about how they had a horrible run because they could only do a 10 minute mile. Or they post their run times and then comment on it with something about how they are waiting to be ridiculed for being so slow. If you expect ridicule for a 10 min mile, I need to stop talking about running all together.
My overall pace for the run is going to be right around a 16 min mile. That's what I did for the Tinkerbell and that is what I will do my best to do again for the Princess. So when I say I am slow, I mean I am slow. I am on the verge of being too slow. Thankfully I will have a good corral position which will give me cushioning so that I don't have to stress too much. Granted this is my average pace which is an average of my walking and running paces. I can run faster than that but not for very long and definitely not for 13 miles. I walk slowly which brings my average pace down. I am walking faster than I used to but I am still slow. However, I HAVE to walk. If I try to run the entire thing, I would run slower than a 16 min mile. The first time I ever ran a full 5K I ran a 16:30 pace and hurt EVERYWHERE after. With the intervals I am actually a little faster and my body recovers so much quicker.Truthfully, I can run a 10 min/mile pace and I do, a lot of my run intervals at the pace. But for the half I will try to keep it closer to 12 min/mile. That is what will keep my body fresh and help me to finish the half this year.
I know that I am doing everything right for me. I know that I have figured out the right time intervals and paces. I know that I can finish this half. But I also know that people still make me feel bad about how I do it even though they never mean to do it. I just wish people would stop making assumptions about what I mean when I say I am slow and leave it alone. Many time the "encouragement" has the total opposite effect. I still have a long way to go and I know I will only get better as I move forward. I just wish it was easier to talk about these things and not feel judged or belittled while doing it.
I HAVE FINISHED A HALF MARATHON! How many people can actually say that. I can! And I love that but I hate the look I see flash over people's faces when I say it. I am fully aware of the fact that I am fat and that doing a half marathon at my size seems baffling to you. In a lot of way, it baffles me too. But this is part of my journey to a new me, not the destination. Some people decide to get in shape so they can do a half, I decided to use half marathons to help me get in shape and become the woman I want to be. I have one down. Hopefully, number two will be completed in a week and then I will focus on just finding a routine and other workout outlets until it is time to train for the Wine and Dine in November where I am hoping my pace will be a little quicker.
3 comments:
Great Post Mallory. One I can totally relate to. I understand being an overweight runner. I can relate to being slow and being worried about being swept. See you next weekend at the finish line with out medals and hopefully again at the Wine and Dine!
I can totally relate. I'm overweight and I'm slow, but determined. I run/walk about 16 min/mile which is slower than the 15min walking pace for some of my friends.
I'm in "G" so I know I have six bonus minutes. (May need to use those for the bathroom or photo op.) But I'm putting my faith into the training program and plan on staying ahead of the balloons!
Keep your chin up= you completed a half marathon! You're doing another. And another. Look where you were last year. Where will you be next year? These are steps towards being healthier, thinner and faster! I'll see you at the finish line!
Great post! You will see improvement as you keep going! My first half was around 13 min mile and finished in just under 3 hours. That was in May, 2010.. I started to really improve my running and finished princess in 2:23 with 10:53 pace with stops and all. Improving your pace takes time, but with consistant effort it will happen :) Good luck!
Post a Comment