2013: A bad year for races

I was typing up my Tink recap the other day and kept feeling like I needed to post this first. There are things about that race that will make more sense if you know more about how my other races were. I have alluded to recaps on my races in Oct-Dec but I have yet to write them. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I hate the thought of reliving any of those races, some more than others. I guess the last two weren't horrible but they weren't great either.

I was out for a training run two weeks before Tink and I did some serious thinking. I really felt like there was a possibility that Tink and Princess would be my last races. The past year was so bad that I was really ready to just give it all up. It all started with Princess and the nightmare that it became. I finished that race solely because my husband was there pushing me along. I was able to figure out why it was so bad when I finally had a clear head to look back on it but it didn't change the fact that it was a horrible race for me.

I was determined to do better and improve my running as I began training this summer for the Tower of Terror 10 miler in October and the Rock 'n' Roll half in November. I found a new training plan that I really liked and it had back to back run days that would prepare me for Tink and Princess weekends. I felt really strong in my training and actually did the race distance in training for the first time and felt great. I had high expectations for ToT. Unfortunately, the weather wasn't the best and I screwed up and spent too much time on my feet before the race. Once again, my race sucked. I did ok for the first half and then my feet were just done. I ended up walking that last half of the race and I wanted to cry the entire time. I was so upset that training had gone so well but my race time was not going to show it. I finished the race in the worst mood. The hike back into the park to meet up with my friends just pissed me off that much more because all I wanted to do was SIT DOWN. It was bad and I was very disappointed in myself. I knew that it was really my fault. Even though the temps weren't great, I could have dealt with that. The fact that I spent too much time in the park the day of the race really bit me in the ass and cost me a good race.

A few weeks later I ran the Zoo Stampede 10K. My average pace for that race wasn't bad but I still didn't feel good. It was tougher than it should have been. I felt too hot even though the temps were lower that morning. The humidity was playing against me and sweating just didn't work. I also hated that so much of the course ended up being on concrete sidewalks instead of asphalt. Concrete is  harder than asphalt and I try my best not to run on it. Even though I have a good fore foot stride that helps reduce impact, since I am still overweight, it is easier on my ankles if I choose a better surface than concrete.

Two weeks after running through the zoo, I did the Rock 'n' Roll half marathon.  It wasn't a horrible race but it could have been much better. I started out too fast by running my fastest 5K ever but then the damn hills and the over 90 degree temps got to me. In the summer, I run when it is 90 all the time but this was November 17th and we had been having typical fall weather for a few weeks so the suddenly high temps took a toll on everyone. I saw so many paramedics helping runners and the residents of the neighborhoods we ran through were spraying everyone with water hoses as we ran by to try to cool us all off. Thanks to my fast start, I finished with a good time for me even though I walked at least 6 miles of the course. Because of the unusual weather that day I was actually happy with my race time but I knew it could have been so much better had the temps been better.

After that race, I had a hard time keeping my head in the running game. My family visited for Thanksgiving and it got unusually cold for our area. I don't run well in the cold. I would much rather run at midnight in the summer when it is still 90 degrees than to run in the middle of the day in the winter when it is 35 degrees outside. I had plans of several other races between RnR and the end of the year but one 5K was cancelled at the last minute while the others I never signed up for. I wanted to have a few people do one of the night 5Ks with me but no one else was really interested. Then there was the other half marathon I wanted to do mid December but then I found out Mac was going to be on the other side of the world and I would have no one waiting at the finish for me. It was going to be a two lap race in a kind of boring area so the thought of not having a familiar face to look forward to made the race sound less appealing so I decided to save the entry fee. I tried to get a few runs in but it just didn't happen like I wanted.

Finally the Biggest Loser Half rolled around. It was my final race of 2013. It was not a great race. I was actually shocked the other day when I was looking at all of my results on Athlinks.com and saw that the Biggest Loser half was actually my fastest half ever. It sure didn't feel that way. It was another case of starting too fast maybe combined with a hill that was more than I ever imagined. When I do my training runs, there is a hill that I purposely run on every lap. It sucks but I know it is good training. It didn't help with the hill in this race because it wasn't really a hill, it was a bridge, a big ass bridge. The race was in Panama City Beach and the bridges there are no joke. What made this one so bad was the fact that the half way point for the out and back race was the bottom of the bridge on the other side so you immediately turned around and went up it again. It killed my quads. I had kept a very steady pace for the first half of the race but once we hit that bridge, it just sucked all of the energy out of me. I ended up walking the last half. I considered lying down on the ground a few times and quitting here and there but I kept moving. Finally I finished the race but it wasn't pretty. Once again my feet killed me and I felt like I had never trained at all. I hated that feeling.

So as I forced myself to go for a run before Tink, I seriously considered hanging it all up. I spent so much time trying to train and prepare for these races and they all went to hell. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I prayed that somehow Tink would be better but I didn't expect much out of that race. I was so down on myself about the bad races that I slipped into old habits and regained a chunk of the weight I had lost. Things just didn't end very well in 2013 and I was glad to see the year go.

Tink turned out to be a pleasant surprise though the weekend had it's own bumps. I will post a full recap of it soon but I felt that you all deserved to read what 2013 was really like for me first. I've tried so many times to write recaps for each of the races during those last months but I just never could bring myself to do it. So these condensed versions of them will have to do because I don't know how much more I could say about them. I'm really hoping that things have turned around and that 2014 will be a much better year.



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One good thing did come from the Biggest Loser Half though. This awesome pic of me running. I am not one to ever jump or smile or ham it up for a race photographer. I focus on my running and finishing the race. I really love this shot of me which is something I very rarely say.

Going through a valley

Any weight loss journey, like life, is full of peaks and valleys. You have your highs and lows with eating, working out, routines, emotions, motivation and confidence. Unfortunately, this valley in my weight loss journey has been deepened by an annual struggle. For close to a decade, I have dealt with seasonal depression. Every year, just before Thanksgiving I feel it start to creep in. In the past few years, I have been prepared for it and managed to deal with it pretty well. However, this year it has pulled me in to a darker place again. This darkness is where a lot of my weight struggles really began to get out of control. I've seen pieces of that old me and I don't like it.

I think a lot of it started with the huge disappointment I felt after the Tower of Terror 10 miler. I know there are reasons I should be happy with that race but the reality is, I was not happy with it because I knew I was capable of doing so much better. I was so incredibly frustrated with the fact that I was better trained and better prepared for that race than any other race I have done, yet I still struggled and almost quit.

I had been training all summer for that race and I felt like it was for nothing. I knew I was going to need a little break after the race but my disappointment with myself and the struggles of late fall turned that little break into a back slide I didn't see coming. There have been several times during the past year that I have either not run as regularly or not watched my nutrition as well and it didn't hurt me too badly. Typically if I let one or the other slide, I didn't really gain, I simply maintained.

Unfortunately, after ToT, I let both slide, and not just for a week or two like I had planned, but I have ignored them both for the last two months and that has caused some problems. I have still been running from time to time. Hell, I did a half marathon in November, but I haven't been running as much as I should. Couple that with eating whatever I wanted and you have a recipe for adding some pounds back on and it sucks.

At first, it was just a pound or two and I didn't really care. Then it was 5 and I still knew I could get back on track. Now it's 10 and I'm hating myself for it.(Which can be a formula for it to keep going up.) I recognize the problem, but I'm having a hard time fixing it. I know how, it's just hard taking that step. I feel so disappointed and ashamed that I have stumbled, and though I realize that stumbling is a natural part of this journey, I'm still having a hard time righting myself. I'm having a hard time pulling myself up from the darkness.

I know that if I get back into a good fitness routine, it will naturally help me deal with the depression. Unfortunately, the depression is sucking all motivation to do anything out of me. The holidays are so hard for staying on track anyway. Not because I am tempted by foods or anything, but because our daily lives are turned upside down.

For Mac and I to see family for the holidays, it requires us to drive the 15 hours home to visit everyone. It's hard to get in a workout before or after being in the car that long. And eating well on the road isn't easy. Then we are in a different environment. I don't have my usual running routes or the safety that being on post offers. I don't have the space or equipment to do the same things at my parents' house that I could do in my own home. Plus, we are driving here and there every few days to make sure we see everyone while we are there. It is utterly exhausting but our only option if we want to see people because they aren't coming to us.  We will be home for two weeks this year and we will be going non stop the entire time. Finding time to work out or focus on eating better tends to go out the window. Because I know how hard this trip is going to be, I feel defeated already and like there is no point to even try until we get back to Texas in January.

But then I remember that while we are home, we are doing a half marathon and it freaks me out. Honestly, I'm not incredibly worried about it because it is the Biggest Loser Run/Walk Half so it has a very generous time limit and I know that if I had to, I could just walk the entire thing. I know that my body can do the miles even though I haven't done any double digits since Rock 'n' Roll. I know that I may be slower than I wanted, but I can finish.

I'm trying to get refocused for Tink. I have four weeks until those races and I know that if I focus, I can be successful there. I'm just having trouble getting out the front door to do the training I need to do. I'm fighting a lot of self doubt because of what happened in October.

I'm not looking for pity or advice on what I need to do. I know what I have to do and I know how to do it. The demons I'm fighting are of a personal kind and nothing any one else can say or do is going to change that. The only person other than myself that could possibly help is my husband because he goes on the runs with me and keeps me distracted but he has been gone for the past week and I hope to get that first longer run back out there done before he gets home tomorrow.

I made a commitment when I started this blog that I was going to be honest so that's what I am doing here. Things aren't pretty and happy right now, they are just real. I know that I will be successful again and that I will eventually reach my goals. However, right now, getting through this valley will take all of the strength I have and until I'm on the other side this is where my focus needs to be.

Missing Race Recaps

I know that I have 3 races that I need to write up recaps for but I just haven't had a chance to get it done yet. Hopefully I will find a minute to do it soon. I finished my 4th half marathon just a week ago and I need to talk about it, the 10K I did the week before and I still need to hash out everything that happened at Tower of Terror. I know I have talked a little about what the race was like but I haven't really gone through a true recap of it for you(and me).

I haven't been running quite as regularly because races mean a little break from training but I am hoping to do the Runner's World Holiday Run Streak and run everyday from Thanksgiving until New Year's Day to help me get back in the groove and to keep me going as I prepare for my next few races. I had big plans of two half marathons in December but the first one has been scratched from the schedule. For one reason, I don't need to spend the race fee for another, my husband will be on the other side of the world and I don't feel like being the last finisher at a small local half with no one there for me at the end. So instead I will do the free Holiday 5K that is on post the same day.


I'll try to get all of my race recaps done before then.

Stronger

Did I really just do that?!?

I just ran for 30 minutes straight.

As most of you know, I always do run/walk intervals for my long runs and races(and basically every time I run.) I also haven't ran in a few weeks(since right after the Tower of Terror 10 miler) so I decided to go for a quick run tonight. I haven't been feeling well so I wasn't planning on doing too much. I have been very pleased with my new method of running for 10 minutes straight then walking 4-5 minutes at the beginning of a run to help warm up quicker and have a better run. Because I have done this with all of my runs lately, I knew I could run 10 minutes even though it has been about a month since I have done long intervals. I want to get back into doing longer intervals on my short runs to help my shorter intervals during races and long runs. So tonight, I set the intervals on my Garmin to 10 minutes running, 4 minutes walking.

We headed over to the PT track near our neighborhood to avoid the cloud of cigarette smoke I would have to run through if I stayed in the neighborhood. The track is a 0.4 mile loop so 5 laps makes 2 miles. As I was running my first 10 minutes, I started to think about how it would be close to a full mile so I might as well run the extra half lap to do a mile straight. As I approached the end of the mile I thought, "Why not just do 3 laps?" As I closed in on the end of three laps, I decided to try to run two miles straight. When I told Mac I was hoping to do two miles, he responded that he thought I was trying to test myself and see if I could run for 30 minutes straight. I had thought about it but I thought there was no way I could do it. I decided to see how I felt at the end of two miles and decide then.

I hadn't done an interval longer than 12 minutes since May which was the last(and first) time I ran 30 minutes straight. I had been working back up to longer intervals before Tower of Terror but I stopped after 12 minutes because life got in the way and I was frustrated that the Garmin won't let you set an interval longer than 10 minutes. So I was using the watch for GPS and my phone for  intervals on any run with an interval longer than 10 minutes.

When I started running tonight, I knew I could do a mile without walking. As I ran, I felt like I could do two miles but I wasn't sure about a full 30 minutes. As I finished up the second mile, I saw that I was just over 24 minutes. If I wanted to run 30 minutes, I had to find 6 more minutes in me somewhere. Like I said earlier, I haven't been feeling well this week thanks to sinus pressure and pain. It hadn't bothered me too bad during the run but I was starting to feel a slight headache. With five minutes to go, I finally thought that maybe I could really do it. It was going to take a lot but if I kept pushing, I could make it through. At the 26 minute mark, I was starting to really feel it in my legs. I had not slowed down much in the last half of the run and I was afraid that if I eased up then, I would stop. Three minutes left, I knew I could do it, I just had to focus on one foot in front of the other. Two minutes to go, it hit me that I was actually going to finish the 30 minutes. With only one minute left, I turned the corner and set my sights on the other end of the stretch. I knew I should be able to cover it in a minute. Just as I was trying to find the power to keep pushing, "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson came on Pandora.

For any of you that ran the 2012 Princess, you know that this was the mile 7 song. That day was the first time I had really listened to it and though the verses may not have much to do with running, the chorus is the perfect anthem to help you push through. As she sang, "footsteps even lighter" I fought back a few tears and picked up my pace. I only had 30 seconds left to reach a goal that at the beginning on the night felt impossible. As she sang, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," I started to cry and I stopped my Garmin because I had done it. I ran for 30 minutes straight. I looked down and saw that I had gone just over 2.5 miles. I was ecstatic and  a little over come with emotion.

Part of me felt like I could have kept going. That maybe I could have done 3 miles, but part of me was spent. I walked a little while and then ran the last quarter of a mile to our house. When I got to our front door, I knew 3 miles was a challenge for another day. I felt good but I also felt tired. I came in, uploaded my run and fixed the map because it always has me running across a roof or two at some point. When everything was right, I had ran 2.56 miles in 30 minutes. I had an average pace of 11:43minute/mile. I decided to look up the last time I ran 30 minutes in May. I ran just over two miles with an average pace of 14:43minute/mile. I took 3 minutes off of my pace. That is HUGE for that short of a period of time.

It's crazy how much stronger I have become in the last year. I keep having new experiences all the time. I have had to buy new jeans a few times this year because I have dropped a size. Even though the scale is still around the same place, I have continued to see my body change. I look forward to opportunities to get dressed up and show off the progress I have made. I am realizing that even though I haven't stuck to my eating plan as closely as I should the last few weeks, I'm still doing OK. As I start getting back into a regular running schedule, I know the food will start to fall back into place as I begin to fuel my body for these runs. I'm excited about the prospect of shopping for a ball gown for the next military ball we have in December. I am finally realizing wholeheartedly that I can do this and that I am doing this and that I will succeed. No, the time line may not have been what I wanted or hoped but it is all coming together and I feel like I am unstoppable.


I think it is also kind of fitting that this is my 200th post. Seems like a pretty good line up of milestones. 

Confidence dashed

I am feeling a little better now that I have gotten my first post race run in but before that, I was feeling like I really am crazy for the things I am planning to do. Tower of Terror did not go as planned and it made it really hard to look ahead to all of the races on my calendar and feel optimistic. Fortunately, I am pretty sure I know what went wrong with the race and I should be able to avoid it in the future. I will post a full race recap soon.

I think my biggest problem was it was a night race. I know that seems silly since I always run at night but when I know I have a long run, I try to go easy earlier in the day. That is a little harder to do when you are at Disney and you want to enjoy it during the short time you are there. Even though I didn't do too much on Saturday, I spent a lot of time standing and I knew the more I stood, the less prepared my feet would be for that night. We ended up waiting almost an hour for a ferry which meant standing and then we tried to hit Test track quickly before leaving(since we had a fast pass) but it broke down and we were stuck standing in  line waiting on them to let us out. Plus all of the walking between the places we went meant I spent more time on my feet Saturday than I should. At least with a morning race, I spend 4-5 hours at least in bed before the race so my feet can rest. With Tower of Terror, I may have gotten a chance to sit for about an hour before heading to the race and then I sat in the corral as much as I could but it still wasn't enough. By about mile five of the race, my feet were done and the last half of the course was very painful.

My time ended up being about 20 minutes slower than the ten mile run Mac and I did here before I left. It really just disappointed and frustrated me. I knew I had trained better. I knew I had worked out my nutrition and I was better prepared for this race. But I did some stupid things during the day that made my race that night suffer. It was hard to face.

Last night I finally sucked it up and went out for my first run since being home. I wasn't sure how far I was going to go but it ended up being about 4 1/2 miles. My legs could have gone further but I hadn't eaten enough and I got really hungry so we headed home. It felt good to get it out of the way. It wasn't a great run since the humidity was around 100%(it rained off and on) but the temps weren't too high so it was bearable just not comfortable. We have a cold front coming through this week so I am looking forward to how it will feel next weekend when we tackle 11 miles. I have to keep moving forward because I still have a half marathon to run in 5 weeks and several more to run after that.

Confidence Boost

Tonight was my "dress rehearsal" for the Tower of Terror 10 miler, full costume and all. I wanted to be sure that I could actually run in the costume I wanted to wear and not want to ditch it half way through the race. Everything went much better than I expected and now I feel much more confident about the race being only two weeks away.

This was actually the first time I have ever ran the race distance in my training. I usually run close to the actual distance in training for half marathons but never actually run 13 miles before race day. I went back and forth about whether I would actually do 10 miles before ToT but I am glad I decided to do it. I knew that I could go ten miles because I have done 8 in plenty of time. I knew that even if I got tired I could finish the distance by walking without worrying about my time. If I had done my 9 mile run last weekend, I don't know that I would have done 10 this week. I'm glad I took the week off. I think my body really enjoyed it. I felt great on my run tonight even though I didn't do any of my regular training this week. I knew that I had built a strong enough base that taking some time off wouldn't hurt me.

The weather ended up being perfect tonight. I can only hope that it would be similar on race day but I know that even if it isn't, I am prepared. We had a front come through this week that gave us a lot of rain but also seriously dropped the temps. It was around 75 when I ran tonight with a low humidity so it felt AMAZING. I know that it really helped with how my run felt. For the first time I didn't get too hot half way through. I know that the humidity will be higher in Florida but as long as the temps aren't too high, I will be fine. With all of the water stations they have, I can dump some water on my head if I start feeling a little warm unlike here where I have to search for sprinklers to cool me off.

It's amazing how much more confident I am now with my running than a two years ago or even just last year. Finally figuring out my nutrition and losing as much weight as I have in the past year has helped tremendously. Tower of Terror will be the first race I will run under 200lbs and I am excited to see how it turns out.

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Yes, I am officially in One-derland now. I have been wanting to post about it and I have technically been under 200 for a couple weeks now. I did not post about it at first because for a few days it went back and forth. Then when I was pretty sure I was done with 200, mother nature reared her ugly head and I gained about 5 lbs of water weight. Now that I am back to normal, I am back under 200 and hopefully I will never see that on  the scale for me again. I still have a ways to go but I am getting a little closer every day.

Some time off

Even though I had a really great run last Thursday, I decided to take some time off. We went to Dallas Friday afternoon so I could attend an event with Shaun T on Saturday. The plan was to get in 9 miles when we got home Saturday night. The event began around 9 am and included an hour long live workout with Shaun T. It was awesome and EXHAUSTING as his workouts always are, but it made start questioning my plan to run that night. Once the event was over and we were headed home, later than expected, my resolve to run that night began to fade. I was beat. I never really sleep in the car anymore yet I slept the entire 3 hour drive home and was still tired once we got home. I decided to wait and try to run on Sunday morning. I set my alarm and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up two hours after my alarm was supposed to go off. I forgot I set the alarm to vibrate only and so I never heard it. The more I thought about it the more I thought some time off was a good idea. I've been pushing pretty hard and getting in a lot of long runs. Skipping one wasn't going to kill me.

The weather is finally starting to shift here and as great as that is, it also means fighting allergies and the possibility of getting sick. There have been several nights this week that I have had a scratchy throat. I ended up taking the entire week off to try to help keep from getting sick and just to give my body a break. I have a lot of miles planned for this weekend and I want to make sure I have a chance to get them in since it will be the confidence boost I need to feel ready for the Tower of Terror 10 miler.

It's not unusual for me to just take a week off for no reason. Every now and then, your body just needs a break and I always seem to run better after the time off. Hopefully that will hold true for this weekends run. It will basically be a dress rehearsal for ToT and will help me make some last minute decisions about what I am wearing for the race.